Author Topic: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?  (Read 8816 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

oopsie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« on: January 12, 2013, 09:38:33 AM »
Last year, for my son's 6th birthday, we invited his entire class (approximately 28 kids) to his party. We had just moved to the area and my son was new to the school. Approximately 17 kids actually came. I hired a local zoo that does children's birthday parties to do a package that includes bringing reptiles (my son is HUGE in to animals) and tarantulas, etc. and doing a presentation that educates children on the various species and gives them each a chance to hold/touch them if they wish. It cost me approximately $300 including tip.

The guy from the zoo comes and is setting up in our family room and all the children sit around the room. For the first 10 minutes of the presentation, they all sit and pay attention fairly well. Then, gradually, one by one, the kids start losing interest until there is only my son (who is very interested), DD, DD's friend, DH, myself and about 4 of his classmates remaining.

In the meantime, all the other kids are running around, yelling, screaming, playing, climbing over furniture, etc. I asked them nicely to please settle down and be quiet and that lasts for about 30 seconds. Then they take off upstairs and continue running around, squealing, etc. and I send my DH upstairs to ask them to settle down again when I hear them banging on my piano.

Then they all make their way back downstairs and continue. Finally, I stand up and walk over to the group of them and with my voice raised I say "guys, hey guys! You need to settle down and be quiet. This is DS's birthday party and he's really interested in hearing what the zoo presenter has to say and we can't hear them over your shouting. You all need to sit down right now and be quiet."

Of course this doesn't really work and the mayhem continued. When the presentation finally finished we went back upstairs. Before dinner and cake, my son had gone missing and I found him in his room, cleaning it up (as his classmates were running around playing downstairs) as the kids had taken out pretty much every toy he owns to play with them and scattered them all over. After dinner and cake, the kids were back in the basement running around and my son was sitting at the table with his older sister and her friend, preferring their company to that of his classmates! Obviously, we learned a great lesson that day and we (including my son) vowed, never again.

The mother of one of my son's classmates was there to witness all of this including my "yelling" at the kids (she was there because she said her daughter is shy and wouldn't stay without her). We knew each other before hand as her DH works with my DH. Her daughter was one of the ones who was listening nicely to the presentation. However, she and her daughter left not too long after the zoo presentation was over (before dinner and cake). I can't remember if she gave me a reason or not. Anyway, I saw her again recently at a party and I complimented her appearance and she pretty much gave me the cold shoulder (she just glanced back at me and kept walking with no reply). The last time I saw her was at my son's party so naturally, I'm wondering if she is thinking I'm a horrible person and even worse, worried if she told all the other mothers that I was horrible to their children...?!

1. Was I wrong to raise my voice at these kids who were guests in our home? I didn't think I was over the line at the time (nor did my DH) but was raising my voice to them the wrong thing to do? I'm just not sure how else I would have been expected to handle the situation...


Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8713
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2013, 09:42:11 AM »
Was the recent party connected with the kids or was it an adult party? I'm just thinking that if you hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd only met you that one time, she may have just not recognized you out of context.

oopsie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2013, 09:46:56 AM »
Was the recent party connected with the kids or was it an adult party? I'm just thinking that if you hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd only met you that one time, she may have just not recognized you out of context.

The recent party was my DH's work Christmas party.

She and her DH knew us before my son's party. It's possible that she just didn't recognize me but either way, I still feel it was a snub. Even if I had been a stranger, you would think she would at least acknowledge the compliment.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2013, 09:48:28 AM by oopsie »

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8713
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2013, 09:58:30 AM »
Was the recent party connected with the kids or was it an adult party? I'm just thinking that if you hadn't seen her in a year, and she'd only met you that one time, she may have just not recognized you out of context.

The recent party was my DH's work Christmas party.

She and her DH knew us before my son's party. It's possible that she just didn't recognize me but either way, I still feel it was a snub. Even if I had been a stranger, you would think she would at least acknowledge the compliment.

Oh, I agree she was rude, it's just that I thought it might have been just random rudeness and not connected to the kid party.

Shea

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4091
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2013, 09:59:20 AM »
I don't think you did anything wrong. If I read your post right, most of the kids were there without their parents, so you were in charge of keeping order. It doesn't sound like you yelled, just firmly told the kids to settle down. I think you were fine.

However, I'm not sure that this woman actually "snubbed" you, nor that you could connect her behavior to the party. It's possible that she was indeed annoyed at you for telling the misbehaving kids off, and so gave you the snub. It's also possible that she's really bad with faces and/or names and couldn't quite remember you, so instead of doing the socially polite but awkward, "I'm sorry, I know I know you but I can't quite remember..." thing you do when you have forgotten someone's face, she opted to pretend she didn't see you and hope you wouldn't notice. Which isn't polite either, but what I'm trying to say is that her cold shoulder may not have had anything to do with your son's party.

The zoo presentation sounds fascinating, but as you found out, most of the six-year-olds in attendance didn't agree. Presumably they expected a more traditional birthday party with games and so forth, and instead got an educational presentation on something they may not have been interested in. They were probably bored and at the end of their small-child attention spans, which isn't exactly an excuse for their behavior, but not unexpected in kids that age. Maybe next time, if you choose to have such a presentation (and why not, it's your kid's birthday and that's what he likes) you could be more selective with the guest list, limiting it to kids who would also enjoy it. That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.


If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

joraemi

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3798
  • Crystal of Enchantment - my current project
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2013, 10:07:52 AM »
If someone compliments my appearance, whether I know them or not, I at least say "Thank You!".  But - I also wondered if maybe she just didn't hear you, was focused on something else, etc.  Possible?




Courage is the price life  exacts for granting peace.  ~Amelia Earhart~

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17373
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2013, 11:40:25 AM »
well, we werent' at either event so we can't say that (a) your behavior warranted the cold shoulder or (b) that is was *that* event that started the cold shoulder issue (for all you know, it could have been something else.

from your description it does sound like she was giving you the cold shoulder. I don't know how loud and angry you were when you yelled - i think there is nothing wrong with raising your voice to a group of 6 YOs who are acting completely out of control, but it's possible that other parents might disagree.

sorry things didn't work out for his birthday party!

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1333
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2013, 12:01:02 PM »
I don't think raising your voice to wrangle in the 6-year-olds was wrong at all.  It certainly didn't warrant any snubbing.  I'm a little surprised mom wasn't a little more helpful.  In my own experience, parents that stuck around at the party usually participated in helping out, whether its with food prep or monitoring the little ones during the activity, and some socializing with grownups, of course.  I think all the children staying seated throughout the presentation would have been better, and a couple extra parents to help might have been useful here.  You lost control and you tried to regain it and tried to keep things settled down.  Of course they're excited and get crazy.  Not snub-worthy. 

MrsCrazyPete

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 578
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2013, 12:51:36 PM »
That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.

I'm going to use the phrase "like lemurs on crack" every chance I get!!! ;D
Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6252
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #9 on: January 12, 2013, 12:54:46 PM »
I don't think the yelling warrants a cold shoulder, but I'm a little fixated on a party with 17 6 yr olds and only your DH and you there as chaperones.  I think your mistake was believing you and your DH would be able to enjoy the presentation instead of being up and about controlling kids.  Not knowing you and witnessing the behavior you and your DH allowed by the other kids would make me a little concerned, but her giving you the cold shoulder was uncalled for.

I'm also suprised more parents didn't stay since you guys were new to the area. 

 

oopsie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2013, 06:12:56 PM »
I don't think the yelling warrants a cold shoulder, but I'm a little fixated on a party with 17 6 yr olds and only your DH and you there as chaperones.  I think your mistake was believing you and your DH would be able to enjoy the presentation instead of being up and about controlling kids.  Not knowing you and witnessing the behavior you and your DH allowed by the other kids would make me a little concerned, but her giving you the cold shoulder was uncalled for.

I'm also suprised more parents didn't stay since you guys were new to the area.

I completely agree. I think we were totally naive about this. That's why we said "never again."

We weren't new to the area per say, just new to the school district. The mom that snubbed me did mention at DS's party that at least one person had asked her about us and she told them she knew us and not to worry, we weren't crazies, lol!

Although I did raise my voice, I certainly didn't fly off the handle at the kids or anything. The biggest evidence to that was the fact that I was almost completely ignored anyway, lol!

As for the mom, if she was offended by my trying to get a hold of the situation (or by my lack of it...?) then I guess there is nothing I can do. What's done is done. The lesson here is never to get in over your head like that in the first place.

Thanks everyone for the feedback!

CrochetFanatic

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 831
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2013, 07:22:39 PM »
I don't think you did anything wrong, and this is a large number of kids to have to wrangle.  I'm not excusing her behavior, but I do wonder if she's one of those people who is sensitive to yelling (or perceived yelling).  Maybe your tone, or something about the whole situation, reminded her of a person or situation that she really doesn't like.  That's just speculation, though.  It could just be that she didn't approve of your methods.  I do know that yelling and ranting makes me cringe and avoid the person in the future, but you didn't do that here.  I'm a little baffled by her reaction, to be honest.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6447
    • Blog
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2013, 10:57:05 PM »
I'm wondering if she gave you the cold shoulder because you didn't "keep order"? (The fact that she took her DD and left right after the presentation suggests to me that she wasn't very impressed by the fact that the kids were running riot).

Not that that excuses her behaviour. She could have at least nodded to acknowledge you or something.

Also, for the record, I'm not a parent (so you can take this with a grain of salt), but if I had been supervising the party, I wouldn't have let any of the kids get up in the first place and start playing elsewhere. The first kid that tried to wander off, I would have told him / her "No, you need to remain seated quietly while the man is talking."

oceanus

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 693
  • pronounced o-see-ANN-us
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #13 on: January 12, 2013, 11:28:02 PM »
That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.

I'm going to use the phrase "like lemurs on crack" every chance I get!!! ;D

 ;D (grabbing a piece of paper and pen) Me, too!

kudeebee

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2155
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2013, 12:30:37 AM »
I'm wondering if she gave you the cold shoulder because you didn't "keep order"? (The fact that she took her DD and left right after the presentation suggests to me that she wasn't very impressed by the fact that the kids were running riot).

Not that that excuses her behaviour. She could have at least nodded to acknowledge you or something.

Also, for the record, I'm not a parent (so you can take this with a grain of salt), but if I had been supervising the party, I wouldn't have let any of the kids get up in the first place and start playing elsewhere. The first kid that tried to wander off, I would have told him / her "No, you need to remain seated quietly while the man is talking."

I was going to write something similar. She probably wondered what was going on when you and  dh didn't get up and stop the first child from leaving ( I have to wonder that myself) instead of remaining to watch the program. Then when it got too out of control, you raised your voice which didn't help much as the kids were too wound up by then. I agree that is probably why she left.

Sounds like the cold shoulder to me. I would forget about it and move on.  If she reacts that way again, don't go out of your way to talk to her but be polite if you do interact 

I do agree with others that she could've said a quick "thanks" even if she didn't want to talk with you.