Author Topic: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?  (Read 9059 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Rusty

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 161
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #15 on: January 13, 2013, 12:41:36 AM »
I would agree that the mother probably left because she felt you were not capable of keeping order to such a large group, and I also question why you would remain watching the show while many unruly children rampaged around your house.  It was a big task and I guess you won't try that one again.  As to the "cold shoulder", I wouldn't worry about it, she probably decided you are not "on the same page" when it comes to supervision issues and doesn't really want to get involved with you any further.

Shea

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4109
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #16 on: January 13, 2013, 07:18:32 AM »
That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.

I'm going to use the phrase "like lemurs on crack" every chance I get!!! ;D

 ;D (grabbing a piece of paper and pen) Me, too!

Feel free, but I didn't make it up. I heard it on this board years ago, but I don't remember who coined it ;).


If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2013, 09:19:14 AM »
That sounds like an unfortunate chaotic situation to have happen, but you learned from it and if she is judging you on just that moment I think that's her loss.
I don't blame her from wanting to be out of the situation when it happened (though personally I hope I'd have stepped up and helped you if I were there) but to still behave weirdly cold to you later seems a bit much.

RingTailedLemur

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2847
  • Rudeness is a small person's imitation of power.
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #18 on: January 13, 2013, 09:48:15 AM »
That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.

I'm going to use the phrase "like lemurs on crack" every chance I get!!! ;D

 ;D (grabbing a piece of paper and pen) Me, too!

Feel free, but I didn't make it up. I heard it on this board years ago, but I don't remember who coined it ;).

It wasn't me!

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12337
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #19 on: January 14, 2013, 09:32:29 AM »
Tough one...Expecting 17 6-year-olds to quietly sit in a Living room listening to a lecture about reptiles may have not been super-realistic.
Once it was clear they weren't going to do that I would have one parent find something else for the kids to do.

If you talked to the person "snubbing" you, you could say that your kid was so interested in the reptiles and you thought the other kids would be too, but you have learned that lesson quickly!


oceanus

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 693
  • pronounced o-see-ANN-us
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2013, 05:55:44 PM »
That would cut down on the problem of unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.

I'm going to use the phrase "like lemurs on crack" every chance I get!!! ;D

 ;D (grabbing a piece of paper and pen) Me, too!

Had to run here and post!  I just saw a story on the news about 2 lemurs that got loose in Florida, attacked a little girl, and were jumping around on a police car.  Those TAILS, wow.  But they were finally caught.  Not sure if they were on crack. :D  Little devils.
http://www.wsvn.com/news/articles/local/21009646732599/lemurs-get-loose-girl-attacked/
« Last Edit: January 21, 2013, 06:01:23 PM by oceanus »

postalslave

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 93
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2013, 12:01:13 PM »

...unengaged small children running around your house like lemurs on crack.


This is the funniest thing I have ever read!

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2013, 10:00:10 PM »
Tough one...Expecting 17 6-year-olds to quietly sit in a Living room listening to a lecture about reptiles may have not been super-realistic.

I'm familiar with the type of party the OP mentioned, from  both hosting one for my own son, and attending about 5 others for other kids. The youngest group/party was for 5 year olds, the oldest 11-12 year olds. At all times/parties the kids were enthralled with the display and fully engaged, as has been the case with all other 'activity' parties I've hosted, or been part of.

I've never come across such a badly behaved group of kids as those mentioned in the OP, and quite frankly I think it speaks volumes more about the children than the OP/supervision.  That said, once the first child started to move off, OP should have (gently/politely) informed him/her that this was the party area and they can't go roaming around the house, and ensured that all the children remained in the area.

I'm unclear as to why the other mother didn't offer to help or supervise or something if she was there.  At all parties I've been to where the parents have stayed, they usually stepped up and offered to help in some way if there was a clear need (supervision/putting party food on the table/just being an extra set of eyes).


Zizi-K

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 699
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2013, 08:11:33 AM »
Hi Oopsie,

I agree with the others that this woman was rude not to acknowledge your greeting, and (as another poster commented) most likely left because she felt the chaos of the party was too much for her daughter.

I don't have children, but I have heard of a rule of thumb that a child should be allowed to invite the same number of friends to his/her party as the age he is turning. So a fourth birthday party would include 4 friends. I guess the logic is that the social skills of someone that age are limited and the party girl/boy can't properly socialize with many more guests than that. Your story makes me think that it is also for the benefit of the parents, since the children gain self-control as they get older and they are easier to supervise in larger groups.

It definitely sounds like there were some lessons learned for next time!

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3799
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2013, 08:29:49 AM »
That sounds like an unfortunate chaotic situation to have happen, but you learned from it and if she is judging you on just that moment I think that's her loss.
I don't blame her from wanting to be out of the situation when it happened (though personally I hope I'd have stepped up and helped you if I were there) but to still behave weirdly cold to you later seems a bit much.

I agree with this.  I also wouldn't be too hard on the OP for the out of control situation.  Teachers can have control over the same number of students in the classroom, so I don't think it is too unreasonable to think the kids could manage to sit through the animal demonstration which is a much shorter duration (and more interesting to most students than spelling or math).  I also agree that the way the children acted speaks a lot about them as well.  I'd chalk it up to life's lessons. 

I can understand the mom feeling uncomfortable in the situation.  Maybe she was distracted or thinking about something else.  That has happened to me on occasion when my mind is a million miles away and I just realize that somebody said 'hello' to me.  If she is giving you the cold shoulder a long time after the event, I find that a little silly.  If somebody can hold a grudge about something like that, she sounds like somebody you really don't want to associate with anyway.

VltGrantham

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 488
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2013, 01:22:34 PM »
I think your heart was in the right place, but I think the activity was a poor choice.  Your son obviously finds this extremely interesting and exciting, but to expect everyone else to basically attend a "lecture"--particularly at that age is a little much.  Hosts are supposed to choose activities they believe the majority of the guests will find entertaining, but not force them to participate.  They're six and they have to sit still and listen in school.  Asking for that kind of behavior at a birthday party is, in my opinion, just not a good decision.

Also, I realize you spent a lot of money, but once you realized that the majority of them weren't in to it, I'd have found something else for them to do.

I think it would have been better to take your son, privately, to the zoo and asked for a "behind the scenes tour" with the expert of his choice.  It might have been a lot cheaper and his party would have been much more fun for all of you.

I know we take DD to a lot of these things--particularly at historical sights and she finds it very exciting, but I'd be willing to bet 90% of her classmates would be bored out of their skulls.

AuntyEm

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 527
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2013, 06:42:48 PM »
No.  I think it is entirely possible that she didn't realize it was you, didn't really hear what you said or wasn't sure you were saying it to her.  If I don't have my glasses on (which is always) I sometimes don't recognize someone I don't know well until we are quite close.  I think you should just think the best and try again.

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12905
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2013, 07:28:11 PM »
I think your heart was in the right place, but I think the activity was a poor choice.  Your son obviously finds this extremely interesting and exciting, but to expect everyone else to basically attend a "lecture"--particularly at that age is a little much.  Hosts are supposed to choose activities they believe the majority of the guests will find entertaining, but not force them to participate.  They're six and they have to sit still and listen in school.  Asking for that kind of behavior at a birthday party is, in my opinion, just not a good decision.

I don't know the details of what the OP had, but when my boys were that age, they attended a number of parties where they had a reptile person come and talk and show off the animals. The kids were all fine. I think that you're assuming that it was all sit and listen, but that hasn't been my experience with this kind of thing in the past.  From the OP, it seems as if this zoo specializes in doing this kind of party. If the show wasn't appropriate for the age group, then it was the duty of the demonstrator to tell the OP that. The demonstrator also has some responsibility to maintain the kids focus -- if they aren't doing that well then they're either accepting jobs for the wrong age group, or just not competent.

In other words, I strongly disagree with you and the others who say that the presentation was the wrong thing to do for the party. 5-6yo kids are perfectly capable of paying attention for 30 minutes, even outside of school -- especially when they get a chance to pet a snake.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

MommyPenguin

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4410
    • My blog!
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #28 on: January 23, 2013, 09:54:55 PM »
I'm surprised the kids didn't want to sit and pet reptiles, too.  Maybe it was just too long, I don't know.  My daughter was invited recently to a party with 27 kids!  The birthday boy was turning 6, too.  However, his family does parties at ages 6, 10, 14, 16, etc., so that's why it was so big a party.  The present opening part was *long* and pretty much all the kids went off to play after their present was opened, so I can see it being a little tiresome to sit still for too long at a party.  The kids may have been wound up already, too, if they expected a different kind of party.  Having about as many kids as your child is turning is a good rule of thumb, but some people do have a reason to go with something different and it can work well.  This story is making me really nervous about my daughter's 6th birthday party on Saturday, though!  It's the first one that she's invited boys to, and I'm a little worried that the kids will be louder and wilder.

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1464
Re: Does my behaviour warrant the cold shoulder?
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2013, 11:12:11 PM »
I don't have children, but I have heard of a rule of thumb that a child should be allowed to invite the same number of friends to his/her party as the age he is turning. So a fourth birthday party would include 4 friends. I guess the logic is that the social skills of someone that age are limited and the party girl/boy can't properly socialize with many more guests than that. Your story makes me think that it is also for the benefit of the parents, since the children gain self-control as they get older and they are easier to supervise in larger groups.

This sounds like a good rule of thumb.  I had never heard of it.  Although, just as an explanation, if you're distributing invitations via backpack express at school, it is a general rule of thumb that all children in the class are invited at this age.  Parents can find a private means of delivering invitations if they do not wish to invite the whole class.  This can get tricky if you do not know names and addresses of the parents.  Despite the class size, I have never had the entire class (or I should say majority) show up like the OP did.   ;D