Thermostat Setting

[mumma to KMC]

I have a twice monthly meeting at a the home of a woman of a group I belong to. The first time I went to a meeting, the weather in our area had just turned cool, so the heater was on and it was pretty warm in the house. I thought it was just me, as I tend to like cooler temps (my house is usually set at 65 degrees (F)  in the Winter. However, every meeting we've had has been the same, it's been almost unbearably warm in the house.

At our last meeting, I was returning from the kitchen with a water and saw the thermostat was set at 79 degrees. (I wasn't snooping, I just happened to see it and glanced over.)

There has been a few side statements about how warm the house it, but during socializing, quickly brought up, then dropped. No one, as far as I know, has said anything to the host.  I wear light clothes to the house (skirt and a light shirt) and am still warm. I drink tons of water (I usually bring my own) while I'm there and try to sit near the door so I can catch a breeze when it is opened and I leave almost as soon as the meeting is done, but I am still very uncomfortable.

So my question is: Would it be okay to say something to the host about the temp in the house or should I just deal with it (the meetings generally go just over an hour)?

[Hmmmmm]

I'd start be wearing a layered outfit like a short sleeve shirt, sweater, and cardigan.  A little while after arriving, when the hostess is around, I'd remove the scarf and say something like " excuse me a sec, I need to put this with my purse".  Maybe 10 min later, I'd remove my cardigan.  Hopefully, the hostess will say "Are you too warm?" And you say "yes, a little but it's probably just me.". Then others in the group can say, "Oh, I'm a little warm, too.". If the hostess says nothing, then you know she has no plans to change the temperature.  This method works even better if you can recruit a co-disrober to remove their cardigan or jacket too.

I know most would take a director approach, but house temps seem so personal to some. 

[WillyNilly]

I live in an apartment building, on the top (6th) floor.  I have knobs on the radiators to adjust a bit, but ultimately I do not control the heat. I cannot turn the radiators completely off.

My apartment is always always above 75f.  I know this because coconut oil is always liquid in my home.  Often in the winter its much hotter then that, sometimes very uncomfortably so.  I keep windows open, and if it gets too bad I will blast my a/c and while both help, its always above 75 in my home.  There are some drafts, which are welcomed.

But ultimately guests need to simply dress appropriately.  its warm, it is what it is.  Its not an unhealthy temperature, its just warm. 

Your host obviously has some reason the home is that temperature, either by choice or circumstance.  But its probably something she is accustomed to.  I think 79 is warm but not unbearable, so I think you should just dress appropriately and keep drinking water.

ETA: I live in NYC, where winter weather ranges from the 40's down to the 20's or 10's.  This has been a warm winter in mostly the 30's, but even during cold, below freezing outside, in fact especially when its super cold out, my apartment is warm to hot. 

[secretrebel]

It's not rude to say to a host. "excuse me, I'm feeling rather hot/cold. It is possible to turn the temperature down/up?" Then the host can reply by saying "no problem, I'll adjust the thermostat/ air conditioner" or "sorry but I'm getting over a cold / having a hot flush so I'd rather not adjust it".

[AnnaJ]

I sympathize - my bookclub has a couple of ladies who are not comfortable unless it's very warm - one just completed a round of chemo, the other has problems with poor circulation - and we often meet at their houses.  Honestly, I do as you do, just dress light and drink lots of water - I figure I'm just there for a short time and don't think they should have cool off their houses before I arrive, keep it cooler than they like while I'm there, and heat it back up to their preferred temp after I go.

[Isilleke]

I'd start be wearing a layered outfit like a short sleeve shirt, sweater, and cardigan.  A little while after arriving, when the hostess is around, I'd remove the scarf and say something like " excuse me a sec, I need to put this with my purse".  Maybe 10 min later, I'd remove my cardigan.  Hopefully, the hostess will say "Are you too warm?" And you say "yes, a little but it's probably just me.". Then others in the group can say, "Oh, I'm a little warm, too.". If the hostess says nothing, then you know she has no plans to change the temperature.  This method works even better if you can recruit a co-disrober to remove their cardigan or jacket too.

I know most would take a director approach, but house temps seem so personal to some. 

This, to me, sounds PA and if someone did this to me I would be very tempted to not invite them again.

Not to say I don't sympathize with you, although here it's the other way around. At my house it goes from 60 at night to 68 during the day now that it's winter (meaning it's about 50 degrees outside) and I find this almost unbearable. There are nights I wake up because I'm so cold. But if I say something, I'm just wanting to throw away money, so I just walk around with a blanket most of the time.

I think, the best thing you can do is either don't go if you don't have to or dress accordingly. Yes, you can address the issue with her if you feel comfortable enough, but in the end it's her house so her decision.

[SamiHami]

It's not rude to say to a host. "excuse me, I'm feeling rather hot/cold. It is possible to turn the temperature down/up?" Then the host can reply by saying "no problem, I'll adjust the thermostat/ air conditioner" or "sorry but I'm getting over a cold / having a hot flush so I'd rather not adjust it".

I disagree-I think it is rude to ask. It is her home; she gets to decide where the thermostat is set.

[Hmmmmm]

I'd start be wearing a layered outfit like a short sleeve shirt, sweater, and cardigan.  A little while after arriving, when the hostess is around, I'd remove the scarf and say something like " excuse me a sec, I need to put this with my purse".  Maybe 10 min later, I'd remove my cardigan.  Hopefully, the hostess will say "Are you too warm?" And you say "yes, a little but it's probably just me.". Then others in the group can say, "Oh, I'm a little warm, too.". If the hostess says nothing, then you know she has no plans to change the temperature.  This method works even better if you can recruit a co-disrober to remove their cardigan or jacket too.

I know most would take a director approach, but house temps seem so personal to some. 

This, to me, sounds PA and if someone did this to me I would be very tempted to not invite them again.

Not to say I don't sympathize with you, although here it's the other way around. At my house it goes from 60 at night to 68 during the day now that it's winter (meaning it's about 50 degrees outside) and I find this almost unbearable. There are nights I wake up because I'm so cold. But if I say something, I'm just wanting to throw away money, so I just walk around with a blanket most of the time.

I think, the best thing you can do is either don't go if you don't have to or dress accordingly. Yes, you can address the issue with her if you feel comfortable enough, but in the end it's her house so her decision.

Passive, I agree, but I'm not sure how it is aggressive. Do you feel removing a cardigan is always wrong or is it use of non-verbal cues that your guests are uncomfortable that you don't like?  Or is it the suggestion that she recruit someone else.  The OP said others have also remarked that the room is warm just not directly to the hostesses. Or do you think it cant be pulled off without the hostess knowing there isnadditional motive? I'm really curious about which action it is that would ban me as a guest in your home. 

Honestly, I'm not sure how you dress appropriately for a 78 degree room.  That sounds way too warm for anything but a sundress.

[Amava]

You could always take my father-in-law's approach and yell "Goodness it's an oven in here!!" when you walk in.
Just kidding, don't do that. 

I'm sorry but if the host has the temperature up so high, that probably means that she likes it warm. You can say something to her, and if she is very nice she might drop the temperature a bit and put on a sweater and / or cardigan herself. She doesn't /have/ to, in my opinion, it is after all her house, but maybe you could just ask. I am super-easily cold myself, but if I knew my guests were uncomfy because of the heat, I'd crank it down a bit.

At least she /can/ drop the temperature if she wants to. Try visiting my grandparents some time. They have an old-fashioned stove... and goodness, that thing burns. Must have been at least 30° Celsius (86 Fahrenheit)  there when we last visited them. That was too much even for me!  And that was in the middle of the winter! 

[Amava]

It's not rude to say to a host. "excuse me, I'm feeling rather hot/cold. It is possible to turn the temperature down/up?" Then the host can reply by saying "no problem, I'll adjust the thermostat/ air conditioner" or "sorry but I'm getting over a cold / having a hot flush so I'd rather not adjust it".

I disagree-I think it is rude to ask. It is her home; she gets to decide where the thermostat is set.

Yes it is her decision but if she is made aware that the guests are uncomfortable then she can make an /informed/ decision.
If I were the host, I'd like to just be told how they feel.

[WillyNilly]

Honestly, I'm not sure how you dress appropriately for a 78 degree room.  That sounds way too warm for anything but a sundress.

What an odd statement, you say you don't know how to dress and then give an example of how to dress 

Yes, you wear loose, light pants and airy light tops, or light flowing dresses if you find it too hot.  You layer up to go outside.

[Sophia]

I think anything beyond dressing for the temperature is rude.  Wear your lightest summer clothes when you go to her house. 

I have a friend that is opposite. His home gets as close to 65 as they can get it.  Electric bills >$1000/month in the summer.  I wear sweats and wool socks at their house.  Even in August in Texas.   

[saki]

I think - particularly for meetings that are only an hour long or so - you're best off just dealing with it. She's probably very cold when you host the meeting so it evens out in the end...

I don't think that's incredibly warm either - I'd be perfectly happy in jeans and a long sleeved top at that temperature, tho obviously people differ.

[Harriet Jones]

I'd probably be in a flop sweat at that temperature, but I'd just suck it up if it was just for an hour.  I'd assume that the hostess *needs* it at that temperature, for whatever reason. 

[mumma to KMC]

Thank you, all! I will just continue doing what I do I know that temperature setting is pretty personal for people as well.