Technology Multitasking

[Venus193]

Is this so common today that I shouldn't be upset if the person I'm talking to on the phone is also doing Facebook? 

This is the same person who used to only half converse sometimes because she was fixated on television.  She hasn't had a TV set in several years (not by choice) and Facebook is always there (as opposed to a TV program that doesn't have a repeat showing), I think it's rude to be doing both at the same time unless we're talking about what's going on.  I couldn't quite figure out how to handle this and I hung up feeling like an idiot for saying nothing.

Am I really off the beam here or am I justified in thinking this is rude?  If you think it is, what would you do?

[Iris]

I will check facebook in a relevant way, i.e. "Oh, yes, I saw something about that on facebook the other day, do you want me to look it up?" type thing, but I don't think that's rude because it's part of the conversation. I ONCE was sitting at my computer desk and almost without thinking just clicked on facebook to check my newsfeed and updates. So I can attest that you really are not focused on the phone conversation when you do that.

What worked in my case was the person I was speaking to had to repeat themselves and I woke up to myself and realised how rude I was being and never did it again. If your friend is still doing it, and it's an extension of an old habit I don't know what you can do other than get off the phone when you realise that they are not paying attention. Just say "Oh well, I can tell you're busy. 'Bye!"

Alternatively, my brother used to check emails when he was talking to me. He stopped the day that I blithely started telling him the tale of the elephants that were walking around at work and what a hassle that was and it took him a full minute to go "Wait. What?"

[Mental Magpie]

The Eagle does this and it makes me so incredibly angry because I find it very disrespectful.  I can tell when he's paying more attention to whatever he's looking than he is to me.  When he does it now, I say, "You're obviously busy with something else.  I'll let you go, bye."  I so very badly want to say, "...something more important," but I feel like that would be PA.

Sometimes, the conversation goes like this, too:

Magpie:  You're obviously busy with something else.  Call me back when you're not so busy.
Eagle:  I'm not busy, I'm just reading Facebook.
Magpie:  Well, I don't want to sit here in silence while you read it.  Call me back when you're not busy.  Bye.

[Moray]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

[Mental Magpie]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

You know, I just automatically assumed that's what was happening and that's how the OP knew (that she could tell her friend was distracted and was not fully paying attention to her).  I agree that if the person is still fully engaged in the conversation, there is no right to be upset.  I think that's also why I assumed the OP's friend wasn't engaged because why else would the OP be annoyed?

[Moray]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

You know, I just automatically assumed that's what was happening and that's how the OP knew (that she could tell her friend was distracted and was not fully paying attention to her).  I agree that if the person is still fully engaged in the conversation, there is no right to be upset.  I think that's also why I assumed the OP's friend wasn't engaged because why else would the OP be annoyed?

I think your assumptions were fair, but I figured I'd ask, since it really does make a difference.

[Mental Magpie]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

You know, I just automatically assumed that's what was happening and that's how the OP knew (that she could tell her friend was distracted and was not fully paying attention to her).  I agree that if the person is still fully engaged in the conversation, there is no right to be upset.  I think that's also why I assumed the OP's friend wasn't engaged because why else would the OP be annoyed?

I think your assumptions were fair, but I figured I'd ask, since it really does make a difference.

I agree.  OP?

[gorplady]

I think Moray hit the nail on the head.

[Venus193]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

FB is one of the tabs set to open when I log on.  I can see when someone posts because the number appears to the left of my name.  Since I have my privacy settings way up and only about 30 friends I have only to click on the tab and check the messages to see who has posted.

Combine that with lack of engagement in the conversation and I checked the notifications under the globe to know she has posted or clicked on something.

No, the conversation wasn't about anything on Facebook.

[sourwolf]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

FB is one of the tabs set to open when I log on.  I can see when someone posts because the number appears to the left of my name.  Since I have my privacy settings way up and only about 30 friends I have only to click on the tab and check the messages to see who has posted.

Combine that with lack of engagement in the conversation and I checked the notifications under the globe to know she has posted or clicked on something.

No, the conversation wasn't about anything on Facebook.

So....you got on FB to see if she was on FB? That seems like you have nothing to complain about then.

[Moray]

How do you know they're Facebooking? Are they talking with you about it, or can you just tell they're distracted? More to the point, how do you perceive FB as being different than any other distraction?

If they're engaged in the conversation, then I don't know that you have a right to be annoyed, anymore than if they were making a cup of coffee or had a show on in the background. If they're not engaged in the conversation, then address that. "Friend, you seem really distracted. Let's talk some other time when you're less busy."

FB is one of the tabs set to open when I log on.  I can see when someone posts because the number appears to the left of my name.  Since I have my privacy settings way up and only about 30 friends I have only to click on the tab and check the messages to see who has posted.

Combine that with lack of engagement in the conversation and I checked the notifications under the globe to know she has posted or clicked on something.

No, the conversation wasn't about anything on Facebook.

Wait, if you're clicking the tab to check, doesn't that mean you're guilty of Facebooking while conversing? It's beside the point, really, but something to think about

If they seem distracted, you can address that, but I wouldn't say anything about FB for the simple reason that you only know they're on FB because you, yourself were there during your conversation. It might come off as hypocritical.

[TurtleDove]

I know I am quite good at multitasking, and it in fact helps to focus me.  If a person is distracted, address that.  FB is a red herring.

[Venus193]

That is an interesting assumption.

My computer is on all day if I'm home.  I don't log on just to check on this; I'm on this site, my blog, Monster, and other things.  I don't read internet stuff during phone conversations unless it's something I'm sharing with my conversation partner.

I can see if something new happens without being on that page; the tab shows numbers.

The Facebook reference is about the fact that -- unlike a television program that's on the air at the moment -- it will always be there.

[sourwolf]

That is an interesting assumption.

My computer is on all day if I'm home.  I don't log on just to check on this; I'm on this site, my blog, Monster, and other things.  I don't read internet stuff during phone conversations unless it's something I'm sharing with my conversation partner.

I can see if something new happens without being on that page; the tab shows numbers.

The Facebook reference is about the fact that -- unlike a television program that's on the air at the moment -- it will always be there.

No. It's not an "interesting assumption."  You flat out stated that you checked facebook while on the phone with her, presumably because you wanted to "catch" her on there.  It just seems a bit hypocritical.

[angilamae]

I made the same assumption as Moray.  if youa re noticeing your notification count change and also noted it was your friend it follows that you were also checking facebook.  if you are checking it after and noticed the time was the same as when you are chatting that's different of course