Oh mothers, or "I think I can dress myself, Mom"

[LadyL]

In college, I started buying my own clothes and favored baggy, comfortable things like denim overalls and flannel shirts and oversized sweaters and the like.

One weekend when I was home, my mom sat me down at the kitchen table and said, "I never thought I'd have to say this to a daughter of mine." I tell you, I froze. I was terrified--I had no idea what was coming next.

"You wear all your clothes too loose." Yep, in an era where most moms were trying to peel the skin-tight, too short clothing off their daughters, my mother was concerned that my clothing was too baggy.  Poor thing, apparently she'd been bracing herself for the "your sweater is too tight!" conversations, but got a daughter who was the exact opposite.

You just can't win, no matter what you wear.

Ha! My mother didn't want to accept it when I started wearing form fitting clothing (fitted flared jeans came in when I was first starting to have a more adult body). She tried to make me buy my jeans a size up. I demonstrated why this was a bad idea by hopping up and down in the store until the too-big jeans started sliding down my butt exposing my underwear. That successfully disproved her argument that they were more "modest"  .

[rigs32]

My mom and I have the same body type - very high waisted.  A few years ago she finally took my advice to not tuck T-shirts into her pants as it pretty much looked like shoulders, chest, waistband.  She asked what to do with long shirts.  I said don't buy them or buy petite tops that are shorter even though you're 5'8".  If only I could get her to wear suit jackets that fit properly rather than big enough to wear over a bulky sweater.

[Cami]

My parents were control freaks about the way I dressed. In addition, they were quite puritanical and old-fashioned. It was, well, stupid, since any kid of even average intelligence can figure out that all they have to do is get around the corner and make some small adjustments and break every rule in the book. And enjoy putting one over on their parents.  I can also assure you that their insistence that all button-up shirts had to be buttoned up to my neck ensured that once I got around the corner, I unbuttoned it as far as it could go, to depths I would have NEVER chosen had I been left to my own devices.  Ironically, she also was in total denial about the fact that I was much taller and curvier than she was, so she was forever buying me clothes that were too tight and too short (because I wasn't allowed to buy my own clothes, basically, until I left home), which showed a lot more of my figure than if she'd bought clothes that fit, thereby negating the whole "modesty" goal she was supposedly fixated on.

My mother, therefore, naturally had her own opinions on my wedding gown. Sadly for her, given her past history, I refused to allow her to go gown shopping with me. I know she was upset and hurt, but I also know that had she come along, WW3 would have happened.

So... based upon my experiences, I vowed not to be heavy handed with my children on their clothing. I did take my dd clothes shopping and I did give her my opinions, but I always encouraged her to find her own way. She is now nearly 20 and trusts me implicitly to buy her clothes for gifts because she knows I know her taste and respect it. She also takes me with her whenever she wants to get an outfit for an important occasion because she knows I get her taste and I will tell her the truth about the fit.  I will note that my dd has an actual style in her clothing, unlike most girls in her age group who seem to live in sweats, tee-shirts and flip flops for every occasion.

[JoW]

......Of course, if she's anything like my mother, she might be miffed that her daughter doesn't "dress appropriately for work" even if the clothes are perfectly in line with the actual workplace.  My mother still has not gotten it through her head that the sort of business attire she considers appropriate would be far and away too much in a workplace where the boss typically shows up in a t-shirt and cargo shorts....

My mother is the same way.  My mother still tries to control what I wear and I haven’t lived with her in more than 30 years.  I live about 1000 miles from her and find distance helps a lot.  That and shipping her mistakes back to her so she can spend her time returning them. 

For work I wear mostly business casual – dress slacks and a dressy T or polo shirt.  I rarely carry a purse.  Everyone who comes to my office – even visitors – is required to wear a lab coat, hair net, safety glasses, and either shoe covers or shoes that are never worn outside the building.  Mom is convinced that I should wear a skirt and heels.  She has even complained to my boss about the way I dress for work.  I think her dress code for work is based on what she was taught in secretarial school in 1950.  The rules have changed but mom hasn’t. 

She’s another one who is offended by front-zip pants for women.  She does find elastic waist pants to be acceptable.  But in her world women’s pants must never have pockets.   After all, we get to carry a purse. 

She also cleans my closet whenever she gets a chance, throwing out anything she doesn’t think I should be wearing.  It’s one of the reasons she’s no longer allowed in my house. 

[Jones]

I was the oldest of many children. When I was 14-15, I babysat for money. 16 I got a real, after-school job, and picked up extra hours whenever I could. Why? Well, it was so I could buy new clothes (instead of my aunt's hand me downs), as my parents never could have afforded even Wal-mart clothing for all their kids at once.

I will say that, as soon as I showed I could manage my own money, my mother might criticize but she never threw away my belongings. Thongs were big, and she chided me about them (I never wore them in such a way to show them off), but didn't throw them out. Sleeveless clothing was against our religion, and she'd remind me to put something on over/under it, but didn't make me return it. I have to admire her take on the whole thing; my rebellious stage could have been so much worse had I been antagonized.

[mbbored]

My mother seems to view anything I do differently than her as me saying "You're completely wrong." However, she and I have different body types, different skin tones, and quite frankly, different tastes.

Mom is a human stick with medium toned skin and a former kindergarten teacher. She tends towards turtle necks and crew neck tees in pastels under thematic jumpers or with high waisted jeans. I'm curvy with ivory skin. A turtleneck or crew neck top makes me look like a blob, as do dresses without tailoring, and high waisted anything makes me look like I'm all chest. As for pastels, they wash me out, so I steer more towards bright colors.

Fortunately when I was in middle and high school we didn't fight too much about it since I wore uniforms to school and spent most of the rest of my time in running clothes. The epic battle was over my underwear: she preferred full coverage and plain white and refused to believe that I was larger in the bust area than she was. Anything else I tried to sneak through got thrown out. This resulted in me wearing a lot of oversized tops and undershirts to help hide the lack of an appropriate support.

As an adult, Mom finally stopped calling me slutty for wearing fitted jeans and v neck tees when my sister-in-law pointed that SIL herself was wearing basically the same outfit.

[Sophia]

My mother doesn't comment on my clothes.  It is my hair.  I have long, red curly/wavy hair that I wear tussled.  My mother believes that hair should not move. 
She is starting in on my daughter.  I'll have it nipped before she DD knows what is happening. 

[Elisabunny]

It wasn't my own mother.  It was MIL but she was gentle about it.

When I was first married, I favored bright colors.  MIL had been to some kind of seminar about dressing according to your 'season'.  She informed me that I was a 'Winter Person'.  Therefore, I should limit my strong colors to navy blue and hunter green.  I could add a bit of baby blue or mint but I should never wear any warm colors and I should wear lots and lots of white. 

BOOOORING!

On a visit to Vermont, she and FIL wanted to buy me a new ski jacket.  She really pushed for a navy model.  That is when I became a purple parka person.

Umm, did she sleep through half the seminar?  Or did the presenter not know what they were talking about?  Because Winters get a LOT of bright colors (and hunter green isn't one of them).
Oh, and I'm considered a Winter, and I cannot wear mint green.  At all.  Although that may just be me.

[Yvaine]

It wasn't my own mother.  It was MIL but she was gentle about it.

When I was first married, I favored bright colors.  MIL had been to some kind of seminar about dressing according to your 'season'.  She informed me that I was a 'Winter Person'.  Therefore, I should limit my strong colors to navy blue and hunter green.  I could add a bit of baby blue or mint but I should never wear any warm colors and I should wear lots and lots of white. 

BOOOORING!

On a visit to Vermont, she and FIL wanted to buy me a new ski jacket.  She really pushed for a navy model.  That is when I became a purple parka person.

Umm, did she sleep through half the seminar?  Or did the presenter not know what they were talking about?  Because Winters get a LOT of bright colors (and hunter green isn't one of them).
Oh, and I'm considered a Winter, and I cannot wear mint green.  At all.  Although that may just be me.

I'm a Spring and mint green is my holy grail--but fie on those season people for trying to convince me not to wear dark purple and other jewel tones. The phrase "pry it out of my cold dead hands" comes to mind.

[Piratelvr1121]

I remember my mother used to snark about my MIL's gifts of clothes to my older two.   When they were little, as in toddlers and kindergarten, MIL liked to get them sweatsuits in the winter, nothing dressy, but just cute stuff that was fitting for play, much like what I bought them.  Stuff that was also easy to wash and I wouldn't cry if it was torn/ripped/stained beyond saving.   

I think it was that MIL did a lot of thrifty shopping for DH when he was younger.  I had no problem at all with MIL's choices.  That and MIL is very much a t-shirt and jeans woman. She's only worn a dress once in the time I've known her and that was when DH and I got married.   One of the reasons she and I get along so well.   In fact I remember one year when DH and I were going to do Tgiving dinner with his parents, my mom was scandalized that we were going over there in jeans and t-shirts, as when I was a kid we were expected to dress up a bit for tgiving dinner. Jeans were allowed, but you had to be wearing a dressy top and slacks were preferred.

Now the snark went both ways.  When we went over after being at my parent's house and DH was dressed in a dressy sweater and khakis with dressy shoes after just being at my parents for a few hours, she teased him and called him a "yuppie puppy".   (she is fine with dressing in collared shirts for a round of golf or church, but she finds it rather silly to dress up for just socializing with family)

I'm an autumn, I think.  I like greens, especially dark ones, dark blues, deep reds, and browns.  I once tried green and blue nail polishes but they're just not right.

[LadyL]

Fortunately when I was in middle and high school we didn't fight too much about it since I wore uniforms to school and spent most of the rest of my time in running clothes. The epic battle was over my underwear: she preferred full coverage and plain white and refused to believe that I was larger in the bust area than she was. Anything else I tried to sneak through got thrown out. This resulted in me wearing a lot of oversized tops and undershirts to help hide the lack of an appropriate support.

As an adult, Mom finally stopped calling me slutty for wearing fitted jeans and v neck tees when my sister-in-law pointed that SIL herself was wearing basically the same outfit.

I am really amazed at how mean mothers can be to their own children! And also at how despite goals of "modesty" there are so many stories here about mothers buying their daughters too small clothing or refusing to buy properly fitted bras. I mean, it makes me feel a little more normal about the nutty rules my mom had, but it makes me sad that so many people's already awkward teen years were made so much more so by mothers with such misguided ideas about how their daughters should dress.

[JeseC]

I'm halfway tempted with my mother to show up in some of the "normal" outfits I see around campus, particularly in the summer.  One look at me in hot pants and a ripped tank and she'd stop complaining about my maxi skirts!

In all seriousness...what really bugs me with my mother is her assumption that all strange outfits are being worn to work or other places that might not be appropriate to them.  Because of course if I'm going out with heavy black-and-white makeup and a cape I'm wearing the exact same outfit to work the next day.  It's not like I have anything permanent done...

[Kendo_Bunny]

With my stepmother, it's the weird assumption that because I prefer to wear a T-shirt and jeans when I visit and save my work clothes for work means that I don't have any work clothes. I haven't worked any place where jeans were acceptable (except for a 3 month seasonal job) in 6 years. I just don't feel that going to visit the house with the Siamese cats constantly shedding white hairs and the big goofy dog who sometimes eats my underwear is the appropriate place to wear black pants and dress blouses. I've tried explaining that every time she offers to go buy me work clothes - I've got plenty of nice clothes. I just don't wear them on weekends, because I feel like they should be nice for work.

[CakeEater]

I've solved all these problems by having the exact same taste as my mother. Sometimes when I'm visiting, I get dressed, and my Mum and I are are both wearing a black shirt and cream 3/4 pants, or black shorts and the same shade of green t-shirt. It's actually kind-of uncanny.

That doesn't help you, OP, sorry!

[JeseC]

I've solved all these problems by having the exact same taste as my mother. Sometimes when I'm visiting, I get dressed, and my Mum and I are are both wearing a black shirt and cream 3/4 pants, or black shorts and the same shade of green t-shirt. It's actually kind-of uncanny.

That doesn't help you, OP, sorry!

I tried dressing to her tastes once, for like 3 days - and got a stream of comments on how wonderful it was that I'd grown out of "that all-black phase."  Thankfully I'm at least old enough to go to the bathroom before rolling my eyes!