Early on in my marriage, I told my mother no, without JADing. It was a first, and she was flabbergasted. Absolutely floored. The time before that, DH told her we couldn't give her a ride home from a wedding because we had plans. He failed to TELL me that, however, and she came to me and I said yes, although she originally had not planned on riding home with us. DH and I talked about it that night, after our failed night out, and made sure we never promised her anything again without mutual discussion between US. So, the next time, when she tried the 'toddler run around' again, and it failed, she was highly offended, angry, vituperative, and shocked. I'm not sure she ever really understood how her behavior was at fault, though. I think she truly believed that we were being disobliging to her, willfully. Why she expected me to be her 'servant', when she refused to help her own mother, is a mystery. But then, my mother is pretty much a narcissist; I have always said that she views the world through "ME colored lenses".
We had the clothing battle years earlier, which I shut down by pointing out that fashion be damned, my 135 lb body, 34D, hourglass body could not wear the same things her 120 lb. body, 32A and tiny behind could wear. That even if I could get her clothing ON me, I had a tiny waist, and she did not. I had a chest, and she did not. I had a behind, and she did not. Why on God's Green Earth would she expect me to be able to wear the same clothing she did and look anything but sack like? Did she think this was the 1920's and I should strap down the girls? Was she blind? I had to list every difference in extremely blunt detail to really get it through to her that we had *very different* bodies, and could not wear the same clothing, and that I didn't really care how fashionable my clothing was... She was in the fashion industry for most of her life, and cared about clothes and details and all that jazz. I could give a rat's patoot.