Author Topic: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D  (Read 1672 times)

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Seiryuu

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So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« on: January 13, 2013, 10:45:06 PM »
A few weeks ago I came back from the other side of the world with a few gifts for friends (mostly roommates) and had been waiting for my one roommate to come back from the States to hand them all out.

My problem is with giving one of my gifts to a non-roommate friend, who just recently attended a funeral. I'd been planning to ask him and a mutual friend for dinner sometime this week, but at the same time give him his gift as well. I worry that it may still be a sensitive time and I'm not sure how to go along with this. Thoughts?

that_one_girl

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2013, 11:03:53 PM »
I don't quite understand what the funeral and the gift have to do with eachother? Does the gift have something to do with death (like a Dia De Los Muertos lolly) or something? 

I think it would cheer your friend up in this sad time to know that while you were on vacation, you thought of him.


Seiryuu

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2013, 11:42:15 PM »
I'm just worried it's a "too soon" thing. And the whole funeral thing was something I learned only a few days ago. :/

The gift isn't related to death (unless you come from my ethincity's culture, where it may be deigned to be symbolic to it).

I guess I should also ask this as well: should I not mention anything remotely about the funeral if I do manage to get our mutual friend along? I don't know if my friend wants to talk about it in front of someone who doesn't know.

Deetee

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2013, 12:37:52 AM »
A funeral is not a shameful secret that need not be discussed.

Let your friend lead, but I think it should be mentioned. Many people mention feeling like no-one recognises the passing of someone so try to avoid that. Just don't dwell on it if they don't want to.

And just give the gift. It is a nice gesture.

You can also seperately offer your condolences.

Thipu1

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2013, 09:51:13 AM »
The best thing to do is make the dinner invitation.  If your friend is uncomfortable, he can just decline. 

Attending a funeral doesn't mean life stops.  Depending on how close the deceased was, your friend might appreciate getting back to a normal routine. 

Perfect Circle

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2013, 10:12:13 AM »
The best thing to do is make the dinner invitation.  If your friend is uncomfortable, he can just decline. 

Attending a funeral doesn't mean life stops.  Depending on how close the deceased was, your friend might appreciate getting back to a normal routine.

I absolutely agree.

I think you might be over thinking this a bit. Just invite your friend to dinner and give him his gift.
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maybe he's caught in the mood
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Sharnita

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2013, 10:20:35 AM »
I think it will probably be OK. I guess there are a frw circumstances where it could be strange  - sorry your mom died, here's a pinata.

that_one_girl

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2013, 08:20:19 PM »
Perhaps your friend would enjoy knowing about the symbolism of the gift?  I would, but I love learning about new cultures.

Seiryuu

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2013, 10:47:58 PM »
Perhaps your friend would enjoy knowing about the symbolism of the gift?  I would, but I love learning about new cultures.
Seeing as how he came from a funeral, probably not.

Thanks guys. I'm probably just overthinking this. I tend to be very cautious with sensitive matters like these.

wolfie

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2013, 10:53:19 AM »
Perhaps your friend would enjoy knowing about the symbolism of the gift?  I would, but I love learning about new cultures.
Seeing as how he came from a funeral, probably not.

Thanks guys. I'm probably just overthinking this. I tend to be very cautious with sensitive matters like these.

Why  not? I think you are over thinking things. Unless this was an exceptionally close family member most people go back to life as usual a day or two after the funeral. It's sad, but it doesn't really change your life that much that great-aunt sally passed away. And if it is a very close person and your life will never be the same, then you welcome distractions and the ideas that life goes on - you can't mourn 24 -7 - you need some relief from that.

Shoo

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2013, 11:03:31 AM »
You're putting a lot of importance on a souvenir from your vacation.  Just give it to your friend the next time you see him.

lowspark

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Re: So, souvenir time and how I should give them :D
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2013, 11:17:25 AM »
Was the funeral for someone in his immediate family or someone for whom he would be in an extended mourning period? If so, then yeah, he may need some time to mourn before socializing but if that is the case, he will probably decline your invitation to dinner.

I just went to a funeral the other day. It was for the mother of a friend of mine. Immediately afterward I went back to my normal routine.

Your friend will accept or decline the dinner invitation according to his closeness to and feelings for the person who died. If he accepts, you can assume he is back to his normal routine and you should give him the gift. If not, just wait till the next time you see him.

I think you're way overthinking this.