Author Topic: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?  (Read 8503 times)

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Roe

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #30 on: January 19, 2013, 05:22:38 PM »
I've never seen showers as gift grabs so that's probably why I wouldn't bat an eye.  Gifts, even for showers, have never, ever been obligatory.  In my culture, it's more of a party and celebration than a traditional shower anyway.


Sharnita

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #31 on: January 19, 2013, 07:18:55 PM »
I do think the assumption that a person who does not have somebody offer to throw a shower for them is incredibly judgemental. I actually find it astoundind that anybody would make that leap.

TurtleDove

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #32 on: January 19, 2013, 07:26:07 PM »
I've never seen showers as gift grabs so that's probably why I wouldn't bat an eye.  Gifts, even for showers, have never, ever been obligatory.  In my culture, it's more of a party and celebration than a traditional shower anyway.

POD.  In my circles, gifts are never the focus of any party, whether a child's birthday party, Christmas, or a shower.  It just is not an issue and most of us prefer no gifts but give gifts anyway.  The "gift grab"/"let's scam friends and family out of free stuff" is a concept I have never personally come across.  At my baby shower I am certain I must have opened gifts at some point, but like I said, it was not even among the main focuses of the party, let alone the ONLY focus of the party. 

RooRoo

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #33 on: January 19, 2013, 07:45:40 PM »
I believe somebody has already said this. Please allow me to repeat it.

In English, the word "shower" means a short, soft rain. When a party is called a "shower," it means that small gifts will be rained upon the guest of honor. That is why they are called showers. When one is invited to a shower, one is expected to bring a gift. And that is why one never throws oneself a shower. Someone saying "Let's get together and give Ms. Preggo a shower" is being generous. Someone saying "I'm throwing myself a shower" is different. It says, "You have to give me a present."

So if you are throwing a party where there is no expectation of gifts, call it something else. A "congratulations" party perhaps. But not a shower. Please?  :-\
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

TurtleDove

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #34 on: January 19, 2013, 08:01:18 PM »
So if you are throwing a party where there is no expectation of gifts, call it something else. A "congratulations" party perhaps. But not a shower. Please?  :-\

I guess for me, if I didn't want to give someone a gift, I wouldn't.  If I did, I would.  The label attached to a party isn't a part of the equation for me.  That said, I can't think of a single party that focused on gifts - even those labeled showers.  If I did not want to give a gift to someone who was having a baby, I wouldn't attend the "shower."  If someone I care about was having a baby, I would want to help her celebrate this and I certainly would not be smugly judging her for having a shower, labeling it as a gift grab.  I would be happy that she was excited about having a baby. I can't think of a single person in my life who would be focused on the gifts. 

katycoo

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #35 on: January 19, 2013, 09:33:10 PM »
Regional.  I don't have an issue with throwing one's own shower, because throwing your own party for all kinds of events is the norm in Australia.  Registries for Baby Showers aern't really common yet, but I'm ok with info being on the invitation too. After all, its a gift giving occasion.  AS long as I'm not bringing food/drinks/chairs whatever to HELP you throw the party without my ofering, I don't really mind.

kareng57

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #36 on: January 19, 2013, 10:10:53 PM »
I do think the assumption that a person who does not have somebody offer to throw a shower for them is incredibly judgemental. I actually find it astoundind that anybody would make that leap.


I definitely agree with you on that point - that if anyone does not offer to host a shower for a particular person, it must be because she's some kind of jerk.

I've never been a big fan of showers anyway, and sometimes I wish we were more like the UK where they're pretty rare.

Jocelyn

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #37 on: January 19, 2013, 11:16:00 PM »
  Why is it so much better to say "I want you to buy my best friend a present" than "I want you to buy me a present"?   
I think the idea is that friends are saying, 'Oh, we all like Bride/Mamatobe, and we want to do something to celebrate her life transition. I'll host a party to celebrate, and the rest of you will do what you're already wanting to do, bring her a present for her to use in her new life.' The traditional assumption being that no one is invited to a shower who is not already planning on giving the guest of honor a gift.

It becomes tacky when people are invited who are NOT close enough to be happy to celebrate the GOH's big event. I'm ambivalent about registries; on the one hand, they let you know the GOH's tastes. But then, I can't remember being invited to a shower where I wasn't planning on giving a gift anyway, nor can I remember a registry that didn't have $2 items on it as well as pricier items.

Roe

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #38 on: January 20, 2013, 12:06:08 AM »
The "gift grab"/"let's scam friends and family out of free stuff" is a concept I have never personally come across. 

Neither have I.  I first heard the term here on eHell.

LilacRosey

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #39 on: January 20, 2013, 06:42:24 PM »
These things never actually bother me but I do get that they are considered rude and I probably would think tfour times before doing it myself! I dont blame you!, LilacRosey

kitkatswing

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #40 on: January 20, 2013, 06:56:49 PM »
Regional.  I don't have an issue with throwing one's own shower, because throwing your own party for all kinds of events is the norm in Australia.  Registries for Baby Showers aern't really common yet, but I'm ok with info being on the invitation too. After all, its a gift giving occasion.  AS long as I'm not bringing food/drinks/chairs whatever to HELP you throw the party without my ofering, I don't really mind.

Im with Katycoo here, another fellow Aussie and we plan on having our own baby shower in a few months.. Its pretty normal here for people to throw their own parties..


Sharnita

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #41 on: January 20, 2013, 07:45:00 PM »
Actually, as a concept, I think of the couple where the MIL was telling relatives who hadn't been seen in forever that they were invited.  Kind of a "you know how mom was telling you how much fun we are all gonna have the last Saturday in June?  Welllll ..."

blarg314

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #42 on: January 20, 2013, 07:46:21 PM »
I would say that if a couple is hosting their own shower, and the registry is listed in the invitation, gifts are a main focus of the party.

I wouldn't have too much of a problem with a 'meet the baby' party hosted by the parents that didn't include registry information, and who responded to questions with "Oh, just bring yourself".  In the same vein, I don't have a problem with someone who organizes a birthday get-together or going out for drinks before a wedding. The key is that you don't call it a shower (which obligates the guests to bring gifts) and it's either relatively low key (for going out somewhere, it is in line with the normal style of the social group) or the organizer pays for everything.

But when someone organizes their own party at which gifts are obligatory, or organizes their own party that requires people to shell out a lot of money or take vacation time, then that's going too far.

For what it's worth, I didn't have a wedding shower, because when I got married, I was living in a culture that doesn't do showers, and was a long way away from most of my friends and all my family. If I have kids, I won't get a baby shower, for similar reasons.

peaches

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #43 on: January 20, 2013, 10:30:38 PM »
A shower is given for you, not by you.

If youíre giving your own party, please donít call it a shower. And donít expect gifts.

SpikeMichigan

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Re: Expectant couple throwing their own baby shower?
« Reply #44 on: January 21, 2013, 09:53:58 AM »

 Showers do carry a strong implication of gifts.

 To be honest, I think showers are kind of inherently tacky, and I'm glad they're not a big thing in the UK. Though, as a dude, I'm not sure it really concerns me, as I doubt I'd ever be invited to any.

 I'm with those who think you could host yourself a party and just not call it a shower, and certainly not have registry information.

 That said, I have really never understood the ferocity I've seen on this site with regards to throwing a party for yourself. It seems frankly silly that you should have to wait for someone else to offer to, as in some groups, that just won't happen. A whole lot less of a stupid etiquette dance if you just host yourself a party (not a shower) when you want one.