Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Guests and Alcohol...or, Am I a Bad Host?

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--- Quote from: mrkitty on January 14, 2013, 06:05:18 PM ---My questions are: did I do something wrong? Did I not do something I should have? Should I have taken away his beer? Should I have provided beer so he didn't feel the need to supply his own? Should I have kicked them out of our house? DH wanted to. Towards the end I wanted to. I don't even know what to say or think about this. DH and I started to feel more and more uncomfortable throughout the visit. Is there a point where we could have/should have put our foot down about some of the behaviors? Is there a polite way to handle this situation? After they left I felt...gross. I don't even know what to think.

--- End quote ---

No, you didn't do anything wrong.  In fact, I believe you went out of your way to be a delightful and accommodating host.  Your BIL and sister were unspeakably rude.    I don't believe that you were under any obligation to provide alcohol for him.   If you maintain an alcohol-free home, you would have certainly been within your rights to refuse your BIL bringing it into your home.  (He should have asked, unless he knew without a doubt that alcohol was permitted in your home.  Even then, a good guest partakes in moderation.) 

Given their actions, I think you would have been completely within your rights to ask them to adjust their behavior, or leave.    Then you could have outlined behavior; e.g., Meals will be served at specific times, alcohol is permitted only in moderation (obvious signs of intoxication will result in guest being asked to leave), guests will not be left in the house alone... then provide them with your itinerary, which they are welcome to participate in or make other plans outside the house, etc. 

I wouldn't hesitate to tell your sister that future visits won't be possible.   If asked why, I would respond, "The last visit didn't work out well."  Rinse, lather, repeat.   

OP, I do have to ask, did your sister seem to realize what a boor her husband is?  Your post seems to indicate that she is as much a problem as he is. 

They can indicate they are coming all they want but they wouldn't be staying at my place again. You do not need to put yourself through that kind of behaviour again.  Make it clear they are not staying with you.

I would have asked them to leave after the first night. I would never allow them to stay again, and I think your sister displayed a lack of manners in this incident.

Egad.  You are not a bad hostess but your sister and BIL were bad guests.

You do not have to permit them to invade your home again.  "That will not be possible" should be your response to them.

Wow my jaw dropped after reading only the first half, by the end it was on the floor! No, you do NOT owe them another chance at all, after the last time!


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