Shared Room and Snoring

[Isisnin]

Based on all the posts, it seems that everyone should travel with earplugs.  You never know when you may need them - either for yourself or to offer to a roomie.

For those who have trouble with earplugs, try the polar fleece headbands that go around your head and over your ears.  I wear them in the winter and find them so comfortable that I have fallen asleep with them on.  They do well insulate against noise. When I am outside talking to people I often have to pull them back off my ears so I can hear.

B needed to speak to A first.  But that doesn't mean that A would have had to pay for half the room, even if A knew about the snoring.   Even if they had discussed it, that wouldn't guarantee they would have thought of the ear plugs.

Organizers of such trips should recommend on the brochures/flyers that everyone bring earplugs. 

My mother was a VERY loud snorer.  When we traveled, we kids would fight over who would room with her.  When I was rooming with her, I'd shout "Quiet!'  and she stopped.  It never occurred to me that she probably knew I was doing that as she never mentioned it.  Oddly, that was probably fair, we were both getting woken up at the same time!

Some years ago, a friend and I went on a trip together.  She was clearly angry the next morning.  I had no idea what was up with her and didn't ask out of respect that she had a private issue she didn't want to confine in me and to give her time in general.  At some point, I realized she was mad at me but I couldn't figure out why.  I wouldn't play her passive-aggressive game and ask her.  It was an awful weekend. 

Some time after that, someone else told me I snored.  That was probably what she was angry about. But the damage had been done. We weren't really friends after that.  Just acquaintances in the same circle of friends.

[misha412]

I am quite surprised by the answers here putting it on B to deal with the snoring issue.  B was definitely wrong to expect A to pay for the 2nd room, but A was wrong being a snorer to share a room with B.  I don't buy A doesn't know she snores. 

B has been put in a position of no sleep because of A's problem.  It is not on B to just suck it up and deal with it.  A should have warned B to give B a fair chance to agree (or not) to share a room.  It is not fair to B to have to lose sleep because of A's snoring. 

B did not handle it well, but as a very light sleeper and a middle aged woman with middle aged woman sleeping issues (and lack thereof), it is VERY frustrating not being able to sleep b/c of someone else.

Just conjecture on my part...

If aware of the problem, A likely thinks the snoring is a minor sound and may not realize the sheer loudness of the snoring. B may be a very light sleeper and even the slightest snoring can be a major problem.

The first night was B's warning about the problem. After that point, B had a choice. B could get another room. B could get earplugs. B could go home. B could insist A pay for half of the other room. B could insist A get another room. B could insist A go home. B could insist A have throat surgery to correct the snoring problem. B could insist A get tested for sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine.

All of those choices show why B had to take action to solve the situation. B could insist on A doing many things. But, B cannot make A do anything. B can only control B.

[Miss Unleaded]

I have a question about ear plugs.  It seems like in every thread we have about snoring, getting ear plugs is suggested as a way to tolerate the problem.

Whenever I have worn ear plugs, I can hear myself breathing.  That is as distracting to me as hearing someone else snoring.  I can't sleep if I can hear myself breathing, so ear plugs wouldn't work for me.  Besides that, I find them uncomfortable.

Are ear plugs really a good solution?

Not for me.  I really can't wear them while sleeping because I worry about sleeping through the alarm clock, and about whether I would hear it if a fire alarm went off, or someone broke into the room, or some similar situation.  Hence I'd not be able to go to sleep at all in the first place.  And believe me, with a snoring husband and three noisy cats I have tried the earplug route. I am a really light sleeper and have had many a sleepless night. 

[CluelessBride]

I don't buy A doesn't know she snores. 

Why not? You can't exactly hear yourself snore, so unless someone has told you previously you wouldn't know. Also, most, if not all, people will snore sometimes. For example, I only snore if I get congested. 99% of the time if I take a decongestant the snoring stops completely. Occasionally I'm left with quiet half snoring (apparently easy to sleep through). But unless DH tells me I'm snoring, I don't know to take the decongestant.

So I put this all on person B. It's possible a $5 box of decongestants would have solved the issue. It's possible an inexpensive set of earplugs would have solved the issue. But they went nuclear and rented an expensive extra room.

Personally, I think its silly to assume that a room partner *won't* snore. Because even if they don't normally snore, they may snore on the trip. If you are such a light sleeper that you can't fall/stay asleep with snoring, you should be upfront about your issue and/or not share a room.

[Sharnita]

I think that a lot of snorers probably sleep though their snoring so it doesn't seem all that unbelievable that they should be unaware of their habit. I believe many people only do it under certain circumstances, as well.

[Queen of Clubs]

I snore - very, very loudly.  How do I know?  The two times I've gone away, the person I was sharing with told me.    When I agreed to share a room with person #2, I warned her in advance so she brought ear plugs.

If A knows s/he snores, s/he needs to warn his/her roomie.  Unless A was very aware that s/he snores and that B would not be able to sleep, I think B is out of line renting another room and expecting A to pay half.  They're definitely out of line expecting A to chip in half for a more expensive room.  What percent of equally-priced room A should cover in the case of A knowing what a problem his/her snoring would be for B, well, I don't know.

[Outdoor Girl]

I don't buy A doesn't know she snores.

We don't know that from the OP but it is very possible.  I live alone.  I've lived alone for over 25 years.  I had no idea I snored until I was sharing a room with someone who told me.  Since I'm a stomach sleeper, which is not an optimal snoring position, I had no reason to believe I did snore.

Now, in a room sharing situation, I always warn my potential roommate that I snore.  And when someone else tells me they snore, I let them know that I wear earplugs so it's no problem.

[Tea Drinker]

If I am considering sharing a room with someone, I warn them that I snore occasionally, and that I am a morning person--if you are a light sleeper and don't want to risk being awakened by me moving around to shower and dress, we shouldn't room together.

I may start adding "and if you snore loudly enough to keep me awake, I will call your name and/or nudge you awake so I can fall asleep first." I won't be awakened by someone snoring, but I often can't fall asleep if I am listening to snoring--and I'm no longer prepared to lie awake for hours rather than the snorer having to sit up for half an hour while I fall asleep. If someone finds that unreasonable, best we know it beforehand and do something else, rather than have a fight the next morning and/or have to look for another room at the last minute.

[White Lotus]

So, somebody's snoring is keeping me from sleeping.  I am supposed to wake them up and discuss what to do about it in the middle of the night?!?  Or I am supposed to suck it up and be up all night until I can buy earplugs?  It is all on me, as the unwilling and sleepless audience?
My Flabber is Ghasted (thanks for coining that!).
Per the Prof, I do not normally snore.  I do not share rooms with anyone but him, normally, either, but got into a Rosemary and Thyme situation where I had to share a room with someone else.  It was full of allergens and I snored.  I was mortified!  She woke me, I rolled over and bought decongestants the next day, so all was OK, but had she gone for another room, I would have gladly coughed up half the cost of the rooms.  Unfortunately, there were no more rooms -- I did check the next day -- but I wouldn't have been upset at all -- just apologetic that I had caused her such discomfort.  The snorer certainly bears some responsibility for being a good roommate. 

[VorFemme]

I started sleeping in the guest room because VorGuy snores (or at least makes odd noises while breathing - puffing and whistling noises from a broken nose that never healed correctly) - and once he finally quits snoring (after he's been asleep for two or three hours), I am so exhausted that when I finally get to sleep after 1 am that I start snoring (breathing noisily - whatever you want to call it).

So I wake him up from 10 pm to 1 am and he wakes me up from 1 am or so until he gets up to shower, shave, and get ready for work.

Vacations are "interesting" if we are sharing one bed - two beds in one room is easier.

I've tried ear plugs.  I am a side sleeper and the plugs rub against the pillowcases - making a really odd rasping noise in my head.....they don't help at all.  Putting an extra pillow over my head helps a bit more....

But I've been the light sleeper with the snoring person in the hotel room.  If it isn't easy to bring up to your own spouse, it is ten times worse to bring up to anyone else. 

[LifeOnPluto]

I have a question about ear plugs.  It seems like in every thread we have about snoring, getting ear plugs is suggested as a way to tolerate the problem.

Whenever I have worn ear plugs, I can hear myself breathing.  That is as distracting to me as hearing someone else snoring.  I can't sleep if I can hear myself breathing, so ear plugs wouldn't work for me.  Besides that, I find them uncomfortable.

Are ear plugs really a good solution?

For me, they're not a good solution. I find them uncomfortable, and they don't really seem to work that well anyway.

That said, I've only tried one brand. Perhaps I just need to try others (like those sillicone ones people have mentioned).

I also had another thought: what if it wasn't possible for B to buy earplugs? It's possible there were no pharmacies or supermarkets within walking distance of their hotel, and who knows if they had transport available? Also, what if their work schedule didn't allow B any spare time to go out and buy earplugs? In that case, I think B has a stronger argument in favour of getting another room, and requiring A to share some of the cost.

[DottyG]

I don't think so. Just about every hotel has a gift shop where there would be earplugs. And, in ones that don't, Housekeeping is amazing at locating things you might be needing. I've gotten emergency things from them that I hadn't really expected them to have - but was pleasantly surprised when they did.

I think there were options to try before jumping to the new room. Did B even attempt them?

[AnnaJ]

I am quite surprised by the answers here putting it on B to deal with the snoring issue.  B was definitely wrong to expect A to pay for the 2nd room, but A was wrong being a snorer to share a room with B. I don't buy A doesn't know she snores. 

B has been put in a position of no sleep because of A's problem.  It is not on B to just suck it up and deal with it.  A should have warned B to give B a fair chance to agree (or not) to share a room.  It is not fair to B to have to lose sleep because of A's snoring. 

B did not handle it well, but as a very light sleeper and a middle aged woman with middle aged woman sleeping issues (and lack thereof), it is VERY frustrating not being able to sleep b/c of someone else.

I had no idea I snored until I was in a roommate situation at a hotel - I live alone and certainly don't wake myself snoring...well, at least I don't remember if I do    Honestly, it is perfectly possible A had no idea s/he snored.  I feel sorry for B, but don't automatically see it as A being 'wrong'.

[PastryGoddess]

What if it wasn't snoring, but someone wanting the TV on all night as opposed to someone who needs complete silence to sleep.  Or someone who is an early riser as opposed to someone to has a hard time getting up in the morning.

Just because you(general) decide you can't deal with a quirk of the person you are sharing a room with doesn't mean that that person has to foot the bill because you decide you need a new room.  If you don't do anything to manage the problem like talk to the person with the quirk to see if you can work around it and just decide to get a new room, then that is a decision you have made on your own.  Why should the other person help foot the bill if you aren't willing to work with them.  And how fair is it to the other person to suddenly have to pay for a room on their own, when they thought they were splitting the cost evenly?

[Shoo]

And how fair is it to the other person to suddenly have to pay for a room on their own, when they thought they were splitting the cost evenly?

I definitely agree that the person who snores shouldn't have to pay for any part of the additional room rental.  However, I don't agree that the person who does NOT snore should have to pay for part of Snorer's room as well as the new room.  It's not his/her fault the other person snores.  And I know, the person who snores didn't choose to be a snorer, but that doesn't mean they don't have to accept the consequences of it.  If you snore so bad you drive away your roommate, sorry, but you get to cover the cost of the room yourself.  It's a bummer, but why should the other person have to incur double the cost?