Shared Room and Snoring

[CrochetFanatic]

Sorry, Shoo.  I don't agree.  A person doesn't choose to snore.  It's not A's fault that he has this problem, and it's embarrassing (not to mention unfair) to be punished for something that can't be controlled.  So, a person should be out the money to cover the full cost of a room because their roommate didn't want to compromise?  What if they're financially strapped, and had to save for the trip and budget carefully?  If that proved to be the case, their trip is now ruined because B has to have his way. 

Maybe I worded that badly, but that's what it sounds like to me, and I'm siding with A on this one.  B chose to move to another room, and if I'm reading right, he chose not to use earplugs or try any other solutions.  It sounds like he put the onus completely on A to fix the situation, and I don't think that's right.

Let me just reiterate that I've spent sleepless nights because the person I was rooming with was a snorer/teeth grinder/sleep-talker.  So, I'm not completely unsympathetic.  I just think that B handled it very badly.

[Outdoor Girl]

I just think that B handled it very badly.

I think we can all agree on this point.   

If B spoke to A the first morning after the first sleepless night and asked what they could try, and they both tried all the options they could and B still couldn't sleep, then I would feel sympathy for B and as A, would agree to pay the whole cost for the original room.  The fact that the only other available room is more expensive is not my problem.  B could have tried other nearby hotels, too.

But if B never talked to A and went straight to moving rooms then demanded that I pay for half the new room?  Yeah, not going to happen.  I'd be seriously annoyed that I was now going to have to pay for the original room myself but I'd do it.

The only way I would blame A in this scenario is that if A knew s/he snored and didn't tell B ahead of time so B could be prepared.

(As a snorer, I could take a decongestant but I wouldn't be able to use the breathing strips - I'm allergic to adhesives.)

[DottyG]

Is there any reason why they couldn't just try a combination to compromise? B wears earplugs or uses a noisemaker of some sort, A sleeps on their side instead of their back (thereby reducing their volume).

I've suggested a compromise a couple of times now as well. It seems like the fairest solution of all for both to me.

[Bramble]

Is there any reason why they couldn't just try a combination to compromise? B wears earplugs or uses a noisemaker of some sort, A sleeps on their side instead of their back (thereby reducing their volume).

Just using myself as an example, people don't necessarily make a conscious choice about how they sleep.  I know, because I've tried to change, that I can generally only fall asleep in one position, but that I seem to switch to different positions as I sleep.  So a suggestion that A sleep on their side may stop the snoring, but only because A lies there all night not sleeping.  Which just seems to shift the problem to someone else, not solving it.

I'm sympathetic to B, because I know I wouldn't be able to sleep in that situation.  However if B can't find some solution to block out the noise, it seems that A and B are simply just incompatible roommates.  A is likely not going to be able to solve their snoring problem during a quick trip.  Getting another room in that situation is an option, but if B doesn't want to simply absorb the extra cost they should discuss it with A before actually booking the other room.

[Sharnita]

Also note that in the situation described the room B has is a suite so it it more than the total cost of the original room. A's cost have already doubled and then B wants A to pay more on top - but B never discussed any problems or any options outside of a whole othe and more expensivw room. That is completely unreasonable.

[Shoo]

Shoo, I am confused. In one post you say.A caused the problem then in an another you say nobody is blaming A.

What I meant was that nobody besides me (it felt like, but may not have actually been the case) was blaming A.  It seemed to me that everybody was saying the situation was all B's fault because he didn't take action soon enough, he didn't buy ear plugs, etc. 

[CluelessBride]

Shoo, I am confused. In one post you say.A caused the problem then in an another you say nobody is blaming A.

What I meant was that nobody besides me (it felt like, but may not have actually been the case) was blaming A.  It seemed to me that everybody was saying the situation was all B's fault because he didn't take action soon enough, he didn't buy ear plugs, etc.

In this particular case I think it *is* B's fault - because he never said that there was a problem. 

It's like if you are at a restaurant and they deliver you the wrong appetizer accidentally but eat it without saying anything. Eat your meal without saying anything. Order and eat dessert without saying anything. But all the while it has been bothering you that you were delivered the wrong appetizer so when the bill comes you demand the restaurant comp the whole thing. When if you had just said "Excuse me, but I seem to have been given the wrong appetizer" at the time it had been delivered the whole thing could have been fixed easily and quickly.

It's not even a case of person B not wanting to wake person A. They waited several days to address the problem and then went straight to the most extreme solution. So while the snoring was A's fault, the situation (suddenly needing to pay for 2 rooms, one of which was considerably more expensive) was actually entirely B's fault. It is quite possible that had B said "You are snoring", A would have said "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize it, I'll take some decongestants" and everything would have been fixed. It's also possible that nothing could have fixed the snoring and the only solution would be a second room. But that type of solution (one that involves significant financial output by both parties) should be come to together. You (general) don't get to make a unilateral decision on something and then bill another person for it.

However, in the *general* case of snoring I agree that A carries just as much if not more responsibility for addressing the problem and potentially paying for the room. The caveat being A needs to be told they are snoring!

[Hunter-Gatherer]

So, I'm officially a person who's not sure how much he snores.

I used to be an absolutely terrible snorer.  My ex-wife had to wear ear-plugs, and after sharing a hotel room with my parents once, they swore they'd never do it again because of my snoring.  It was apparently atrocious.

Then, in November, I had my upper wisdom teeth removed.  I was shocked to find that my sinuses were suddenly clearer than they'd been in at least a decade, maybe two.  I also found that I was waking up more refreshed after getting the same amount of sleep.  Suddenly 6 or 7 hours of sleep felt like 8 or 9 used to.  Given those two things, I'm pretty much certain that I'm at least snoring less than I used to, but since I never used to hear it even at its worst, and I sleep alone now, I have no idea what my current level of snoring is.  It could be nearly as bad as it was, or it could be relatively minor and occasional.

[Sharnita]

It also seems kind of telling that while the only solution B seemed to have considedered was a suite but it never dawned on B that if A was the one paying a suite rate maybe A should be the one given the option of being the one to enjoy the comforts of said suite.

[DottyG]

CluelessBride, there were a couple of times when reading your post that I thought I might have written it. It was so exactly what I wanted to say.

[zyrs]

Shoo, I am confused. In one post you say.A caused the problem then in an another you say nobody is blaming A.

What I meant was that nobody besides me (it felt like, but may not have actually been the case) was blaming A.  It seemed to me that everybody was saying the situation was all B's fault because he didn't take action soon enough, he didn't buy ear plugs, etc.

In this particular case I think it *is* B's fault - because he never said that there was a problem. 

It's like if you are at a restaurant and they deliver you the wrong appetizer accidentally but eat it without saying anything. Eat your meal without saying anything. Order and eat dessert without saying anything. But all the while it has been bothering you that you were delivered the wrong appetizer so when the bill comes you demand the restaurant comp the whole thing. When if you had just said "Excuse me, but I seem to have been given the wrong appetizer" at the time it had been delivered the whole thing could have been fixed easily and quickly.

It's not even a case of person B not wanting to wake person A. They waited several days to address the problem and then went straight to the most extreme solution. So while the snoring was A's fault, the situation (suddenly needing to pay for 2 rooms, one of which was considerably more expensive) was actually entirely B's fault. It is quite possible that had B said "You are snoring", A would have said "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize it, I'll take some decongestants" and everything would have been fixed. It's also possible that nothing could have fixed the snoring and the only solution would be a second room. But that type of solution (one that involves significant financial output by both parties) should be come to together. You (general) don't get to make a unilateral decision on something and then bill another person for it.

However, in the *general* case of snoring I agree that A carries just as much if not more responsibility for addressing the problem and potentially paying for the room. The caveat being A needs to be told they are snoring!

Yes!  If A knew they snored maybe they would get some breathe-right strips while B got some earplugs and both of them would wake refreshed the next morning for very little added expense.  But A was never told, how would they know?