Author Topic: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?  (Read 6614 times)

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snowdragon

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Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« on: January 15, 2013, 06:29:33 PM »
 In our group we do bbq's in the local park ( Como Lake Park for those in WNY), we picnic once a week in the summer and once a month in the winter, and we have these wonderful menus for them - something happened at one this summer that *still* frosts me.

 We invited Samantha who worked with me at the museum, her husband and their two kids. I asked before hand what the kids eat and was told "they'll eat anything" so my SIL and I did the menu which was:

Stuffed Pork Chops
Grilled Corn on the Cob
grilled or raw veggies
Spinach and Strawberry salad with a maple vinaigrette dressing ( it had raw spinach, strawberries,feta cheese and almonds)
a regular salad for those who did not like spinach.
Rolls
s'mores

when we came up with the menu Samantha was given it and asked if there was anything that anyone in her group could not or would not eat. Again she responded with "Looks good, my kids will eat anything" , so you would not expect that one child refused eat at all and spent the meal making gagging noises through out the meal ( I *know* that part is rude ) and the other refusing anything but the corn on the cob. 
  We were told by the kids and father that we were rude not to have "kid friendly food" and  Samantha was making noises about how we should have "had hot dogs or burgers for the kids". Our kids eat the above happily 3 or 4 times a year.
  We won't be inviting this family for anything anymore - but were we the rude ones for not anticipating that the kids would need a whole other dinner?

Ceallach

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2013, 06:32:26 PM »
Um no!   You went waaaay above and beyond, not only asking her her in advance about dietary needs/preferences but also running the actual menu by her.    The second step was unnecessary, but very kind of you.  They were unspeakably rude.       There was absolutely no excuse for them to criticise any aspect of your hospitality given they knew the details in advance - not that it would have been ok anyway, but that makes it 10x worse.    Horrid boars, I hope you never have to socialise with them again.
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DottyG

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2013, 06:36:57 PM »
First of all, no.  You were not rude.  In fact, like Ceallach said, you went above and beyond.

But, secondly, YUM!  That menu made my mouth water!


Moray

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2013, 06:38:10 PM »
In our group we do bbq's in the local park ( Como Lake Park for those in WNY), we picnic once a week in the summer and once a month in the winter, and we have these wonderful menus for them - something happened at one this summer that *still* frosts me.

 We invited Samantha who worked with me at the museum, her husband and their two kids. I asked before hand what the kids eat and was told "they'll eat anything" so my SIL and I did the menu which was:

Stuffed Pork Chops
Grilled Corn on the Cob
grilled or raw veggies
Spinach and Strawberry salad with a maple vinaigrette dressing ( it had raw spinach, strawberries,feta cheese and almonds)
a regular salad for those who did not like spinach.
Rolls
s'mores

when we came up with the menu Samantha was given it and asked if there was anything that anyone in her group could not or would not eat. Again she responded with "Looks good, my kids will eat anything" , so you would not expect that one child refused eat at all and spent the meal making gagging noises through out the meal ( I *know* that part is rude ) and the other refusing anything but the corn on the cob. 
  We were told by the kids and father that we were rude not to have "kid friendly food" and  Samantha was making noises about how we should have "had hot dogs or burgers for the kids". Our kids eat the above happily 3 or 4 times a year.
  We won't be inviting this family for anything anymore - but were we the rude ones for not anticipating that the kids would need a whole other dinner?

OP, of course you weren't rude!

I was ready to give Samantha & Co. the benefit of the doubt until I read the bolded. Hey, kids' tastes can change on a dime! But for you to go through all the effort to clear the menu (specifically w/kids in mind) with her and then be told you were rude? It stretches the limits of belief.
Utah

missmolly

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2013, 06:39:57 PM »
Um no!   You went waaaay above and beyond, not only asking her her in advance about dietary needs/preferences but also running the actual menu by her.    The second step was unnecessary, but very kind of you.  They were unspeakably rude.       There was absolutely no excuse for them to criticise any aspect of your hospitality given they knew the details in advance - not that it would have been ok anyway, but that makes it 10x worse.    Horrid boars, I hope you never have to socialise with them again.

POD. Samantha had numerous opportunities to suggest other things, and then didn't. I wonder what her husband and kids would say if they knew that Mummy had already approved the menu and assured the hosts that her kids would happily 'eat anything'.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Hazelthyme

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2013, 06:42:48 PM »
Yep, they were very rude.

Considerate hosts do their bests to plan a menu with broad appeal; considerate guests do their best to appreciate what their hosts offer even if it's not their personal favorite. You get extra points for asking if she or her family had any special dietary needs, and the fact that you ran the actual menu by her gives her NO excuse whatsoever to complain (even though complaining would have been rude even if you hadn't shown her the menu in advance).

IMO, hosts should plan around common dietary limitations to the best of their ability. What's common may vary from place to place, but presumably you'll know if you have a lot of vegetarians, folks who keep Kosher/ Halal, etc., in your group. But if you're a guest with more unusual restrictions, it's on you to either eat beforehand or offer to bring something you can eat. If you're bringing picky-eater kids to a BBQ, it's on you to bring something they can eat (and if this were the case, Samantha should have told you when you showed her the menu that her kids were somewhat finicky, and offered to bring a pack of hot dogs for them or something). Why on earth someone would assume, in this situation, that there would be burgers or hot dogs, and fault the hosts for not supplying them, is beyond me.

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nuit93

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2013, 06:47:06 PM »
It sounds like she assumed that a BBQ would just 'naturally' include traditional things like hotdogs.

Doesn't make her any less rude, you certainly went above and beyond.

rose red

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2013, 06:55:32 PM »
I would have looked the dad straight in the face and said "I gave your wife the menu ahead of time.  She approved it." and then looked at the mom straight in the face and said "I gave you the menu ahead of time.  You said your kids will eat anything.  Twice."

Saying that in a calm and puzzled tone is not rude.

DottyG

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2013, 07:04:30 PM »
Quote
I would have looked the dad straight in the face and said "I gave your wife the menu ahead of time.  She approved it." and then looked at the mom straight in the face and said "I gave you the menu ahead of time.  You said your kids will eat anything.  Twice."

I love this.  It's completely true.  It's short and sweet.  And it gets the point across perfectly.


NyaChan

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2013, 07:19:02 PM »
Quote
I would have looked the dad straight in the face and said "I gave your wife the menu ahead of time.  She approved it." and then looked at the mom straight in the face and said "I gave you the menu ahead of time.  You said your kids will eat anything.  Twice."

I love this.  It's completely true.  It's short and sweet.  And it gets the point across perfectly.

This is excellent.

Luci

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2013, 07:40:04 PM »
I would have wondered since when were stuffed pork chops, corn, and salad not "kid friendly"? Raw veggies are a favorite when I serve kids.


I am always apalled when I look at a kids' menu and see how unbalanced they are.


I would have pointed out that I asked and then ignored him, knowing he was lucky that I am too refined to say, "Sir, you are an idiot."


Lauds

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2013, 08:00:18 PM »
Given that 'typical' barbecue foods are burgers, steaks, that sort of thing I could understand a bit of confusion if you were invited to a barbecue and found the menu to be as fancy as in this case. Don't get me wrong, it sounds nice but is definitely fancy barbecue food!

However, she wasn't just invited to a barbecue and showed up expecting typical barbecue fare. She was given TWO opportunities to influence the menu. Her first opportunity was when she was asked what her kids like to eat. Even if she'd said that her kids eat all the usual barbecue stuff it would have given you the opportunity to either question her further on what they eat or make up a more typical menu. The second opportunity for her to say something was, of course, when she was given the menu.

She was downright crazy to turn up knowing exactly what you were serving and yet expecting different food. It is possible she didn't tell her family what the menu was so that they were expecting something different, but their behaviour is completely inexcusable. The only time gagging is an acceptable reaction to food is when it's involuntary and this is usually followed by medical assistance. I can't believe the parents allowed that to go on, never mind attacking you for not psychically knowing that even though you had been told they'll eat anything they really won't.

Rusty

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2013, 08:10:44 PM »
Wish I'd been invited, that menu sounds wonderful.   I would have told the Dad to speak to his wife, she OK'd the menu for her family. How rude of him and his kid.  Glad you won't be inviting them again.

Hopefull

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2013, 08:15:08 PM »
What kid doesnt like Smores?????? :o
I felt this thrill going up my leg!

gramma dishes

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Re: Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2013, 08:26:57 PM »
Next year may I come in their place? 

Hopefully.   :)

I'm a fairly picky eater and everything on that menu sounds scrumptious to me!!