Why didn't you tell me that when I asked?

[snowdragon]

No. I don't think I've ever had herring at a BBQ.














I was trying to figure out how to cook it on the grill

[PastryGoddess]

No. I don't think I've ever had herring at a BBQ.














I was trying to figure out how to cook it on the grill

With a fish basket...but the smell is awful

[zyrs]

  Next time I saw Samantha she said that porkchops were usually a favorite food so she was not sure what the issue was - but no apology, in fact she asked if "We could try it again sometime"

Wait - the children and husband called you rude to your face, Samantha made noises like you should have had a different menu for the children and she had the gall to ask if they could come to another barbecue?  Wow, that's some gall.

[Cami]

I had a similar problem once and what I've discovered is that some people assume all bbqs will automatically include hot dogs and hamburgers, even if you do not say so. That assumption is, obviously, all on them and not on the host.

Also, it's a foolish parent who assumes that because their kid likes pork chops at home that they will be willing to try a totally different version somewhere else.  Again -- on the parent.

Nonetheless, these kids sound like undisciplined brats who are old enough to have been raised better. They clearly were not. Again -- on the parent.

So, no, OP -- you were not remotely rude or a bad host.

What kid doesnt like Smores???

I didn't. I don't like marshmallows. So I'd give the marshmallows away and eat the graham crackers and chocolate myself.

[Zilla]

I would have looked the dad straight in the face and said "I gave your wife the menu ahead of time.  She approved it." and then looked at the mom straight in the face and said "I gave you the menu ahead of time.  You said your kids will eat anything.  Twice."

Saying that in a calm and puzzled tone is not rude.

So this!
 

[Twik]

I suspect that Samantha has learned what her kids will eat, and only serves that - to the point that, in her mind, "they'll eat anything," because she never serves them stuff they won't eat.

The gagging is truly unacceptable. I was a picky eater myself, and would have been hung out to dry by my parents if I'd pulled something like that.

If the parents realized that the children were simply not willing or able to eat the food, the most they should have done would be to ask, as a great favour, if you might have some hotdogs or something to grill quickly, just so the party wasn't adversely affected by a bunch of hungry, cranky kids. Sniffing that you were rude not to have them in the first place is ridiculously rude, particularly when they told you in advance the menu was acceptable.

[Thipu1]

No. I don't think I've ever had herring at a BBQ.

Actually, I have had herring at a BBQ.  As part of a display of appetizers, a hostess once served pickled herring, which I adore. 

There was no problem with what the OP did and the children were certainly old enough to appreciate more than a hot dog or a burger. 

BTW, that spinach and strawberry salad sounds wonderful.  Could we possibly have the recipe for the
dressing?

[Winterlight]

I would have looked the dad straight in the face and said "I gave your wife the menu ahead of time.  She approved it." and then looked at the mom straight in the face and said "I gave you the menu ahead of time.  You said your kids will eat anything.  Twice."

Saying that in a calm and puzzled tone is not rude.

This. It answered the complaint and shuts it down nicely.

[snowdragon]

No. I don't think I've ever had herring at a BBQ.

Actually, I have had herring at a BBQ.  As part of a display of appetizers, a hostess once served pickled herring, which I adore. 

There was no problem with what the OP did and the children were certainly old enough to appreciate more than a hot dog or a burger. 

BTW, that spinach and strawberry salad sounds wonderful.  Could we possibly have the recipe for the
dressing?

I buy it at the local co-op, I wish I could give it to you, sorry!

[amylouky]

Interesting responses re typical bbq food.
Round here, most people I know call the gathering where you cook hot dogs, hamburgers, maybe chicken on an outside grill a "cookout".
If invited to a "barbecue", I'd be thinking it was bbq ribs, bbq chicken, that sort of thing. Or maybe a smoked meat, but definitely with barbecue sauce. 
Odd distinction, I guess.

[acicularis]

No, you were most certainly not rude! You were assured that these kids "eat anything." You even showed the proposed menu. I'm not sure what else you could have done.

And I am speaking as the parent of two very picky eaters.

If I were shown the proposed menu, I would tell you frankly that my kids are pretty picky, and might end up just eating one or two items. If you had said you were thinking of adding more "kid friendly" items such as burgers or hot dogs, then I'd let you know my kids like hot dogs more than burgers. But I would also tell you to please not worry too much about my kids' pickiness when planning your menu. I would give them a snack before leaving the house, and at the picnic they could find something they're willing to eat, or wait until they get home. Maybe that sounds harsh, but catering to their pickiness just feeds it. While I don't force my kids to eat anything, I also don't think it's a good idea to have them think the world is going to bend over backwards to tempt their picky palates.  At any rate, they are not going to starve to death under those circumstances.

Under no circumstances would my kids be allowed to fuss about the food, or gag!

[Zilla]

And I am speaking as the parent of two very picky eaters.

If I were shown the proposed menu, I would tell you frankly that my kids are pretty picky, and might end up just eating one or two items. If you had said you were thinking of adding more "kid friendly" items such as burgers or hot dogs, then I'd let you know my kids like hot dogs more than burgers. But I would also tell you to please not worry too much about my kids' pickiness when planning your menu. I would give them a snack before leaving the house, and at the picnic they could find something they're willing to eat, or wait until they get home. Maybe that sounds harsh, but catering to their pickiness just feeds it. While I don't force my kids to eat anything, I also don't think it's a good idea to have them think the world is going to bend over backwards to tempt their picky palates.  At any rate, they are not going to starve to death under those circumstances.

Under no circumstances would my kids be allowed to fuss about the food, or gag!

Agreed and I would ask if I may bring hot dogs and buns for my kids and any others that might want to partake of.  But worded in a way that leaves it open for the OP to accept or offer herself to bring some.

[marcel]

No. I don't think I've ever had herring at a BBQ.














I was trying to figure out how to cook it on the grill

Allthough I have never had herring, I consider fish in itself to be a perfectly normal barbecue food.

I have also had herring as part of a side dish with a big barbecue.

[DottyG]

definitely with barbecue sauce

No no no!  That's the sign of inferior BBQ!  If you have to cover it with sauce, it's not worthy of being real BBQ!

[Drunken Housewife]

The appropriate thing to say when someone cooks you a  fancy meal is "Thank you!  It was wonderful" even if your children hated the elaborate food & didn't eat much of it.   I have a picky eater and a gourmand for children, and I would never complain if someone serves food my picky child won't eat.  Indeed she has been in the position of being at parties or events where there was nothing palatable for her, and she knows not to complain and that she can eat later at home if she is hungry. 

So sorry that the OP's lovely hospitality was treated this way.  Those people don't deserve to be invited to nice meals.