General Etiquette > Family and Children

*sigh* Another IL question - sexist FIL

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Iris:
FIL has always had a tendency to tell long winded stories with himself as the hero because he is quite insecure as a person. However, the last few times I saw him these stories have started to take on a bit of a racist and sexist tone. Nothing completely overt but things like mentioning race or gender when it is just not necessary or appropriate. Frankly, I am just at a stage in my life where although I can recognise that it's his insecurities acting up, and for valid reasons - he's had a hard year, but at the same time I just don't see why I should politely listen to his rubbish. The last time he did this and I couldn't get away I was blunt probably beyond ehell approved limits.

Bean dip doesn't work, I walk out of the room when it's an option, I have already minimised my contact with them as far as possible and the cut isn't really an option at this stage (I see that as being DH's call). Is there anything I've missed or is this just a cross to bear until he gets through this phase?

JoyinVirginia:
Bring a book or magazine to read and start reading it and ignoring him when the stories start? Bring knitting and suddenly have to run of and find the instructions?

Slartibartfast:
Same thing we see here on eHell - don't be shy about asking things like "Why is her ethnic background important to the story?"  It won't get him to stop telling stories, but hopefully it will make him think before he includes race/gender as shortcuts for racist/sexist stereotypes about the people in them.

(Not saying that everyone who's been called out on including extra demographic information in eHell posts is racist/sexist/ableist/whatever!)

Iris:

--- Quote from: Slartibartfast on January 16, 2013, 12:36:37 AM ---Same thing we see here on eHell - don't be shy about asking things like "Why is her ethnic background important to the story?"  It won't get him to stop telling stories, but hopefully it will make him think before he includes race/gender as shortcuts for racist/sexist stereotypes about the people in them.

(Not saying that everyone who's been called out on including extra demographic information in eHell posts is racist/sexist/ableist/whatever!)

--- End quote ---

Yeah, that's what DH and I have been doing so far. A remark similar to that is what I was concerned about going to E hell for. But you're right, people do it here all the time so I might take my cue from that.


--- Quote from: JoyinVirginia on January 16, 2013, 12:32:22 AM ---Bring a book or magazine to read and start reading it and ignoring him when the stories start? Bring knitting and suddenly have to run of and find the instructions?

--- End quote ---

This has been my approach so far but I got stuck next to him at a restaurant last time. I did what I could by visiting with other guests until the food arrived.

sweetonsno:
The tricky thing here is that it's not always immediately evident whether or not the gender/ethnicity/whatever is relevant or not. It's also entirely possible that he's just trying to give you some more information so you can picture something. . . you know, like telling you that someone has red hair or a great mustache. Obviously, I don't know him, so I'm not aware of his tone of voice or general tendencies, but as a general rule, I avoid calling people out as sexist/racist unless it's blatant. I tend to "hear" extraneous information about people in a story the same way I hear extraneous information about the weather. Unless there's so much extra detail in there that I am getting lost or someone is definitely referencing stereotypes, I don't mention it.

I understand your annoyance about him going on and on and on. That's definitely irksome, even with someone who is 100% P.C. I'd vote for listening to one story politely if you get cornered and then making your excuses. Maybe you need to paint the lawn or something.

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