The analogy was specifically with regards to her point that if she'd asked if she could bring Jen, I would have said yes, so it shouldn't matter that she didn't take the time to ask. I was NOT saying that this situation was comparable to theft. My point was that the middle step - the "asking" - matters
. Like... if I say "Hey, do you mind coming outside for a sec?" and you do, vs. if I go inside, grab your arm, and drag you outside. I could claim there was no difference, because either way you end up outside, but one is clearly ruder than the other. It was the processes I was comparing, not the acts themselves. Asking to invite a another friend vs. just inviting them; asking to borrow money vs. just taking it; asking you to come outside vs. dragging you out. No analogy's perfect, and obviously this one wasn't, but in the moment (during our Gchat) I was trying to come up with something to demonstrate how frustrated I was.
But that analogy came toward the end of the discussion, kind of a last ditch effort to express myself. She had previously called my feelings stupid well before I even made the analogy.
If Beth went out of her way to invite Jen, then I think that's something she ought to have checked with the OP first. If, on the other hand, Jen asked Beth if she wanted to go see P8M with her, and Beth said "Oh, I'm going with PrettySticks, why don't you come with us?", then I think that's much more understandable.
This is another part of the story I left out, but it's also to me a little odd to me. Apparently, the subject of the P8M came up between Beth and Jen (I don't know how specifically). Turns out, Jen was a fan too, and told Beth she had a ticket to a different screening - same time, but at a different theater location. So Beth suggested that Jen should exchange her ticket for a ticket to the showing at the theater we were going to. (Even though it was the same theater chain, it wouldn't even occur to me that this was something they could or would do, but I digress.) When Beth told me this part, I asked why she couldn't have at least run it by me first. And she said she couldn't wait! It was urgent! What if she took the time to ask me and by the time she got back to Jen the showing at our theater was sold out!? But that didn't seem like such a big deal to me. If she couldn't exchange her ticket for one to our showing, she would keep her ticket and see the movie at the other theater, which was clearly ok with her, because that was what she'd planned on doing anyway. There was literally no risk involved. Even the way Beth told the story, it wasn't Jen angling to come with us, it was Beth angling for Jen to change her plans. But Beth actually said to me, "What was I supposed to do, wait until Jen left, call you and ask if it was ok, then call Jen and see if she wanted to come with us?" And I know to her that sounded positively ludicrous, but... yeah, do that.
And even though I agree, the situation from Victim of Fate
that I quoted above is more understandable - especially if Beth were put on the spot - I still don't think it would have been so
weird to ask me. So Jen says "I wanted to see P8M with you" and Beth say "Oh, I'm going with PrettySticks. I'd love for you to come with us, but let me just check with her first." In fact, I'd be willing to bet (though now I am veering into pure speculation) that Jen did try to bow out and not intrude on our plans, but Beth said it would be fine and that I wouldn't care. I've actually seen her do this kind of thing before, where someone in the group is trying to be considerate of someone who's absent, and she steamrolls over it with "No, they won't care!" Not necessarily because she's mean, but because she literally cannot imagine that they would care. Which I suppose works just fine if you're dealing with like-minded friends, but not so much when the minds are not alike.