Author Topic: How can I avoid bridezilla rage?  (Read 4461 times)

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bloo

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Re: How can I avoid bridezilla rage?
« Reply #30 on: January 17, 2013, 09:06:33 PM »
While I do agree with the views of PP's about giving Suzy a listening ear, I do have one counterpoint.

There may be some information that you may share about your upcoming wedding with Suzy that could help validate her feelings of frustration with Veronica. And if you validate her feelings, that might strengthen her spine when it comes to dealing with any possible lack of reasonableness on Veronica's part.

For example:

Suzy: "Ugh! Veronica wants me and the other broke MOH to host her wedding shower for 70 people at Chez $$$! I can't believe I'm not able to enjoy being an MOH."
LadyL: "Wow. Host 70 people there? Just wow."
Suzy: "I don't know how I'm going to tell her I can't do it."
LadyL: "I'd suggest as quickly as possible. Would you like to know what was done for my shower? I really enjoyed it and it might give you and Co-MOH some ideas." LadyL could even share a variation of 'I'm afraid that won't be possible' such as 'I'm afraid that won't be possible to do x, but here's what we can do. It's y. What do you think?'

Throughout the hypothetical conversation, Suzy may be fortified by comparing Veronica with how LadyL is doing things. This would be very helpful to to Suzy as she navigates any Bridezilla tendencies in Veronica.

Also, for me, it's difficult to listen to someone complain about a situation, repeatedly, and not make positive effort towards fixing it. It'd be one thing if Suzy was a strong person that came into the office and said with affectionate exasperation, "Guess what Veronica is up to now...(blah, blah, blah - insert outrageous antic here) but I let her know, 'Sorry Zilla, you can't do that'!" They share a chuckle and move on.

But LadyL, eventually, this will all pass and it will be business as usual. Best wishes!  :)

kareng57

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Re: How can I avoid bridezilla rage?
« Reply #31 on: January 17, 2013, 10:32:23 PM »
Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I agree that it is definitely not about me and it's clearer now where that line is. I realize that it's a chance, as someone said, to mentally take notes on what not to do and offer support in whatever form Suzy needs it. I will try to use my knowledge of the process to make helpful suggestions to her and avoid overt comparisons between what I'm doing and what Veronica is doing.

Also, rage is a bit of hyperbole if that wasn't clear  ;). I do think that some brides handle their wedding in a way that is divisive/drama causing when my personal belief is that weddings should be an opportunity to bring people and families together. Suzy was recently in her sister's wedding as well and that was also apparently stressful and caused a lot of family drama. I would hate for people's memory of my wedding to be "it was really stressful/a mess leading up to it but I guess it worked out ok in the end." I think because that's a priority for me I end up reassuring myself out loud that I won't do that to people because I'm not doing A,B and C when I need to do that internally instead.


You're not there yet, and you really have no idea about what you might/might not do re future wedding plans that might upset someone.  It could be something that hasn't even occurred to you as of yet.

I agree with PPs - you need to stop patting-yourself-on-the-back and giving your own plans as a shining example.  That doesn't help Suzy at all.

CakeEater

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Re: How can I avoid bridezilla rage?
« Reply #32 on: January 18, 2013, 12:39:25 AM »
Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I agree that it is definitely not about me and it's clearer now where that line is. I realize that it's a chance, as someone said, to mentally take notes on what not to do and offer support in whatever form Suzy needs it. I will try to use my knowledge of the process to make helpful suggestions to her and avoid overt comparisons between what I'm doing and what Veronica is doing.

Also, rage is a bit of hyperbole if that wasn't clear  ;). I do think that some brides handle their wedding in a way that is divisive/drama causing when my personal belief is that weddings should be an opportunity to bring people and families together. Suzy was recently in her sister's wedding as well and that was also apparently stressful and caused a lot of family drama. I would hate for people's memory of my wedding to be "it was really stressful/a mess leading up to it but I guess it worked out ok in the end." I think because that's a priority for me I end up reassuring myself out loud that I won't do that to people because I'm not doing A,B and C when I need to do that internally instead.


You're not there yet, and you really have no idea about what you might/might not do re future wedding plans that might upset someone.  It could be something that hasn't even occurred to you as of yet.

I agree with PPs - you need to stop patting-yourself-on-the-back and giving your own plans as a shining example.  That doesn't help Suzy at all.

Yep. I did the best I could to make things easy on my family and friends, and I know I casued some of them stress and extra expense unintentionally. The best laid plans don't suit everyone.