Author Topic: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology  (Read 8079 times)

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MummySweet

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #15 on: January 16, 2013, 05:35:40 PM »
"I'm sorry" followed by a "but" is generally going to come across poorly.   But unless your DH makes a habit of treating your medical condition in an overly casual manner, I think you should chalk it up to stress (of being on the receiving end of a scolding, and of being a part of your medical episode earlier in the day) and give him a pass.  It sounds like may have been trying to provide a solution, or at least a reminder that the loss of that particular device could be overcome with a "field-expedient" replacement.     

It's scary when you have a medical emergency, but don't forget how scary it is for your loved ones to witness it, and to be responsible for assisting you through it.   That stress may have even been a factor of his misplacing your lancing device.   

I hope that you are doing better today BeagleMommy.

MrTango

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2013, 10:12:54 AM »
When I was an insurance claims adjuster, I frequently used phrases like "I'm sorry you're upset."  I wasn't apologizing for my actions or my company's actions, as 99 times out of 100, we made the correct decision based on the information provided to us.

BeagleMommy

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2013, 12:30:30 PM »
Thanks, everybody.  Things have calmed down considerably.  I am much better.  It's just one of those crazy things you have to deal with when you're diabetic.  I did purchase a new lancing device so no disruption in testing.

DH admitted that he apologized the way he did because he knew I was upset and panicky and was trying to "say something funny to alieviate the anxiety".  This is his typical modus operandi.  He tries to say something funny or sarcastic thinking if he can get me to laugh all will be fine.  It never works.  If anything, it makes the situation worse because I think he's brushing me off.  You'd think that after 25 years of marriage we'd stop doing this dance.  ;D ::)

We've torn the house apart, including looking through garbage bags, and have still not found the original device.

EMuir

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #18 on: January 17, 2013, 12:51:35 PM »
He didn't put it in his pocket absent-mindedly did he?

I can see how he could have intended his comment as a joke, because anyone who's seen a lancing device should know that it's FAR better than poking yourself with a pin, both sanitarily and pain-wise. But he's now learned that joking when you're panicking isn't a good idea. :)


katycoo

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #19 on: January 17, 2013, 08:42:51 PM »
The others have pretty much covered me feelings on this.

I do have to say though: he's not completely wrong about it not being the end of the world.  Yes, its a medical device.  Yes, you COULD use a pin/razor/whatever but you don't want to.  You have device.  But if you HAD to, you could.  Its not like a syringe where you can't make do with something else in a pinch.

Its wrong for him to be flippant - but simply because its a medical device but all medical devices are not in one big category.  A band aid and an epi-pen are both medical but not equal.  You need to find the right level of annoyance here and I feel you're pitching a little high.

Precarious Armada

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #20 on: January 18, 2013, 10:42:34 AM »
I do wonder if your DH is a bit like mine and what's actually annoyed you is his lack of understanding that you shouldn't need to spend money on something new because the old one isn't broken, it's just not where (you think) he should have put it.  Just out of interest does your DH think he put it back in the correct place?

I LOVE the word filter on this board! Excuse me, I have to go lock Evil Armada up. She wants to make double entendre posts on the forum now.

Snooks

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #21 on: January 18, 2013, 11:29:23 AM »
I do wonder if your DH is a bit like mine and what's actually annoyed you is his lack of understanding that you shouldn't need to spend money on something new because the old one isn't broken, it's just not where (you think) he should have put it.  Just out of interest does your DH think he put it back in the correct place?

I LOVE the word filter on this board! Excuse me, I have to go lock Evil Armada up. She wants to make double entendre posts on the forum now.

I'm totally baffled, I've read my post again and again and I have no idea what the word filter is you're talking about.  :-\

BeagleMommy

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2013, 11:59:14 AM »
I do wonder if your DH is a bit like mine and what's actually annoyed you is his lack of understanding that you shouldn't need to spend money on something new because the old one isn't broken, it's just not where (you think) he should have put it.  Just out of interest does your DH think he put it back in the correct place?

I LOVE the word filter on this board! Excuse me, I have to go lock Evil Armada up. She wants to make double entendre posts on the forum now.

I'm totally baffled, I've read my post again and again and I have no idea what the word filter is you're talking about.  :-\

Snooks, the word filter replaced a word I used meaning to stab my finger with wingdingydingy.  It also will replace a certain nickname for Richard with the same thing.

Snooks

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2013, 04:25:32 PM »
I do wonder if your DH is a bit like mine and what's actually annoyed you is his lack of understanding that you shouldn't need to spend money on something new because the old one isn't broken, it's just not where (you think) he should have put it.  Just out of interest does your DH think he put it back in the correct place?

I LOVE the word filter on this board! Excuse me, I have to go lock Evil Armada up. She wants to make double entendre posts on the forum now.

I'm totally baffled, I've read my post again and again and I have no idea what the word filter is you're talking about.  :-\

Snooks, the word filter replaced a word I used meaning to stab my finger with wingdingydingy.  It also will replace a certain nickname for Richard with the same thing.

I spotted that, I just wasn't sure why Precarious Armada had quoted my post rather than yours!

AmethystAnne

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #24 on: January 19, 2013, 10:55:13 AM »
My prediction about the missing lancet device:

It got put in a safe place, and the item took itself on a vacation somewhere. It will be found later when you're looking for something else.

VorFemme

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #25 on: January 19, 2013, 12:11:53 PM »
My prediction about the missing lancet device:

It got put in a safe place, and the item took itself on a vacation somewhere. It will be found later when you're looking for something else.


In my house, the words "it got put in a safe place" mean that you need a bloodhound and a medium with a crystal ball to have a chance of finding it, ever.

There have been things that we have packed, moved, and upacked and they still haven't turned up to this day. 

Granted - there have been a few things go missing because the movers did something either careless or nefarious (my Oneida stainless & a new vacuum cleaner in 1998 going from Kentucky to Georgia comes to mind) - but if VorGuy handles the mail, credit cards & other important papers have vanished for days, weeks, months, and in one case, were never seen (by me) again (by him). 

He has gotten better about HIS medical devices and the charger for his cell phone, though.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

suzieQ

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #26 on: January 19, 2013, 12:42:10 PM »
BeagleMommy, have you ever tried the Accu-chek Multiclix or Softclix? They are the size of a pen, so a little larger and harder to misplace. The multiclix also has the advantage of having a drum of lancets so you don't risked getting wingadingdingy-ed on accident while loading the lancet device. Yep, I used that word on purpose, instead of stab. I love the filter! LOL
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goldilocks

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2013, 11:46:05 AM »
The title of this thread reminds me of an amusing story.

My DD remarked in front of my 7YO granddaughter that she never wanted kids.  She's 20 and works in a childcare center, so her attitidue is probably understandable!!  But not to the the 7YO, who got highly offended by this remark and demanded that DD apologize.

DD refused, they argued for a while.  Finally DD said, I'm sorry, but I'm not apologizing.

GD said - you just did and I accept.

oceanus

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2013, 11:58:44 AM »
“I’m sorry, but” is definitely not an apology.

People toss out “I’m sorry, but” needlessly. 

Example:  A discussion about movies………..someone says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”  Well, that’s fine; You have your opinions.  But the “I’m sorry” isn’t necessary’ it doesn’t even make sense.  Just say “I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”

bopper

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Re: "I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology
« Reply #29 on: January 22, 2013, 10:26:48 AM »
As a wife of a diabetic, my first thought was "Do you usually keep your blood sugar control or do low blood sugars happen often?"
If it happens all the time, then it gets old fast.