People and their electronic devices

[Itza]

I understand people have every right to use their electronic devices as they choose. But what if, how they’re using them, leaves you somewhat... confounded?
 
Let me tell you about my Mum. Like me, she has an iPod touch and a mobile phone (not the same brand).

She uses her devices then turns them straight off when not in use. That is her choice, I get that.

But what happened this morning made me wonder if she was, in fact, ‘misusing’ her devices.

We communicate various ways: phonecall (be it landline or mobile), text message, iMessage, FaceTime, email or Facebook inbox.

I find text messages are great if either of us is out and about and can’t do a voice call. FaceTime is good for seeing each other as we’re at opposite ends of the country but only at home on WiFi, iMessage is good for sending photos or short video clips taken on the iPod but again, only at home on WiFi, Facebook/email is good for sending other photos, links or long messages, etc.

Anyway, this morning was a killer: my husband’s first day back at work after the Christmas break so we were up early as the kids are still off school and I’d need to be up for them.

While my husband was showering, I realised I hadn’t switched my devices off overnight. Luckily the volumes were off. I checked my mobile: there were no messages. I put it down when I saw my iPod flash. I picked up my iPod, noticing from the main screen that it was an iMessage for Mum. I opened it seeing that she’d replied to a small audio file I’d sent her the night before when her iPod was switched off. She also asked a question to which I began responding straight away. When I sent it, nothing appeared at the bottom of the message. If her iPod was on, it would say ‘delivered’ followed by ‘read’ when the app was opened. I figured she’d turned her iPod straight off after sending her message. Whatever, that’s nothing unusual.

However, my phone then flashed. I noticed it was a text message from Mum saying pretty much the same thing as the iMessage and asking the same question. I had to put my eyes back in my head and a lot of unrepeatable things went through my mind as well as the confusion.

I could understand receiving the same content text message say, after about an hour or so, if she’d left her iPod on and hadn’t received a reply from me. I understand she doesn’t know when I’m going to see the message or when I’ll reply. But it was just minutes after sending the iMessage that she sent the text message, but of course, she hadn’t read my immediate reply to her iMessage as she’d gone and turned her iPod off straight after sending her iMessage!

Is it etiquette approved to tell people that their device usage is illogical and explain why?

[Shopaholic]

I'm kind of confused as to why exactly this bothers you so much.
If it were a regular occurrence then I would say you two should decide which form of communication works best for you , and stick to that - but it sounds like a one time thing.
She probably thought she'd get a quicker answer from you on the phone, and hadn't seen that you had replied yet.

[Itza]

If I'd have been able to reply any quicker than I did this morning, I'd have been in the 2012 Olympics! I was right on it and couldn't reply any quicker than I did. She'd turned her iPod off without waiting for a reply and moved straight to text message.

Although this particular incident is a one time occurrence, other things happen such as I'll iMessage her a short video clip of whatever I've taken on the iPod, notice hers is switched off so either text her or message her on FB that I've send her a video on iMessage. She'll switch her iPod off, then switch it straight back off to text me that nothing was there. I then tell her it won't be on her device waiting for her and that she'll have to wait for it to arrive. She simply doesn't give it chance to reach her before she switches it off again. I've explicitly had to tell her to leave it on for 10 minutes while I do a re-send. Only then does she receive the video.

It's really weird.

[Hmmmmm]

With the first issue, it just sounds like she doesn't know which device you check first, so sent to both.  Not sure why this is such an issue.

For the second, it sounds like she doesn't realize how the service works.  To resolve, unless the note is time sensitive  just don't text her to let her know you sent something via the other format.  She receive it when she's had her device on for sufficient time for it to download.

[JenJay]

She sent you a message via iPod, immediately turned her iPod off, then sent the same message via text? I can see why you'd be kind of  . Hey, at least she didn't then turn off her cell phone and Facebook the message to you! 

I'd let her know that if she uses device X to message you then to please leave that gadget on until you've had a chance to reply. She may think of it as ensuring you get her message but it must be a pain to have to send the same reply to multiple devices to ensure she gets your message.

[sweetonsno]

Is there any possibility that she sent the message awhile back and it got lost in the ethers for awhile, so she tried another gizmo? I've had texts arrive hours (even a day or so) after they were sent.

I'd just respond to the duplicate message with something along the lines of "Whoops, didn't see this. . . I responded to the message you sent to my other gizmo" or "Please check the other gadget for my answer."

[TootsNYC]

I'm kind of confused as to why exactly this bothers you so much.
If it were a regular occurrence then I would say you two should decide which form of communication works best for you , and stick to that - but it sounds like a one time thing.
She probably thought she'd get a quicker answer from you on the phone, and hadn't seen that you had replied yet.

I'm sort of puzzled too. Puzzled by why your eyes popped out of your head, etc.; it seems an overreaction.
And yes, puzzled at why she "double-teamed" you on something that wasn't urgent; that took effort, and it sort of surprises me that she'd bother. But it's not "a biggie." It's just kinda odd or amusing.

I like sweetonsno's suggestion for replying, "see me answer on the other gizmo."
Or, just ignore it.

[Jovismom]

Quite honestly, you both seem to be using your devices almost as you would a telephone call.  When I get a message I reply to it.  That's not to say that I drop everything and I assume the person I'm replying to will read it right away.  Generally speaking I'll check for messages periodically during the day.  When I find one I'll answer it.  If I found more than one message asking the same thing I'd ignore and delete the follow up messages. 

For me the beauty of texting, email or other messages is that I can answer them on my schedule.  Likewise, whomever I'm replying to can do the same thing.

If someone needs an "instant answer" then they can try to phone me.  Of course, I don't promise to answer the phone.  I also answer that on my schedule and according to who is calling.   

For your Mom, I'd just answer the first message you find and delete any duplicates.  If you do that consistently perhaps she'll stop sending duplicates. 

[Venus193]

This is starting to sound like what goes on in some offices:  You come back from lunch and find two faxes, an e-mail, a voice mail, a post-it on your computer screen and a document with a post-it on your chair.  Then someone asks "Don't you answer your cell phone?" and you realize your cell phone battery died while you were out.

This is seriously out of control.  I think you need to establish some rules about this stuff that work for you.

[Sign Of The Times]

Itza, my father is just as you describe and yes it is illogical.

My take is, you responded the once thru the iPod so you responded. You don't need to respond this other route, unless it's a real emergency.

[Clarissa]

My grandad has a mobile phone. He switches it on when he goes to bed and switches it off in the morning (?). He will turn it on through the day if I don't answer my landline to ring my mobile. Then switch it straight back off after. This didn't bother me at all, until one day last year. My grandad had arranged to pick me up at 11.45 to take me to pick up my youngest from nursery. He is always early. By 11.55 he wasn't there and I had no way to get in touch. I was worried about him, and also about ,y child, because now I would be late. I rang the nursery and explained. I also took a detour on the way (running!) to my grandads house, which was 10 minutes in the wrong direction. I had visions go him on the floor, or at the bottom of the stairs. He wasn't there, nor was his car. I got to the nursery bout 20 minutes late, still panicking that my grandad had had an accident. It turned out he was stuck in bad traffic after an accident on the road. I admit I shouted a bit at him. If he'd just use his mobile as a mobile, it would have saved all the worry. And no, he hasn't changed!

[Virg]

The short answer is that there's no polite way to tell someone that their method of using their devices is illogical or wrong.  I can think of a few situations that might lead to what you describe that don't involve being dense.  For example, she meant to send a text but responded to the iMessage, then realized she'd rather text.  Or, she was simply doubling up figuring you'd respond later.  Nothing she did was so insane that having to put your eyes back in your head was a rational response.  If you find this sort of thing happening often, then simply talk to her about a method for communicating that you can both agree on, but you'd be doing both her and yourself a favor by discarding the idea that she's somehow doing it "wrong" just because she does it differently than you.

Clarissa wrote:

"My grandad has a mobile phone... And no, he hasn't changed!"

As above, he's using the mobile phone the way he wants to use it, which is a nighttime contact point.  The long and short of your story is that you panicked and yelled at him because he got stuck in traffic once, and that's not by itself a rational reason for him to change entirely how he wants to use his phone, because it comes down to "if he'd change how he uses his phone it would save me difficulty."  He might have a reason not to turn it on in the daytime that you don't know about, and given that he hasn't changed I'd say it's pretty likely.  You can certainly discuss it with him, but in the end you don't have a right to tell him how he's to use his own cell phone.

Virg

[Twik]

In Clarissa's defense, worrying about relatives who are elderly/ill can be very fraying on the nerves. Blame it on all those ads that show elderly people injured, but unable to call for help.

[Virg]

Twik wrote:

"In Clarissa's defense, worrying about relatives who are elderly/ill can be very fraying on the nerves. Blame it on all those ads that show elderly people injured, but unable to call for help."

On the flip side, she was awaiting his arrival to drive her somewhere, so I assumed he wasn't infirm in any real manner.  The central point is that based on her story, he was less than half an hour late, so running around in a panic seems extreme, and her getting angry at him for not mitigating what struck me as excessive fear is also extreme.

Virg