Author Topic: About ready to defined...  (Read 3297 times)

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Audrey Quest

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About ready to defined...
« on: January 17, 2013, 12:28:18 AM »
There is someone who I am Facebook friends with who I haven't really had a lot of contact with in the 30 years or so that I have known her.  I knew her in college and we reconnected on FB.

We were going to connect IRL about 4 years ago when I was out in the city that she had just moved to but...  Well, we shared a phone call in anticipation of that meeting and she had just moved in.  She spent like 15 minutes telling me all about the wire closet shelves that she was having installed that day.  15 minutes!
 
I tried to move the conversation to a more general, gee, what's been going on the last couple of decades but she was determined.  When it came to making plans on that trip to see her I came up with an excuse that I couldn't get together.  I didn't want to go to lunch and maybe have her go on about something else equally boring.  Don't get me wrong!  I love decorating and closet organizers.  I just don't want to hear the minutae about how you couldn't get ahold of the installer guy so you did and then did that, etc, etc, etc.  Not good conversation.
 
Anyway, she tends to annoy me on Facebook by asking overly personal questions like "what kind of medication are you on..."  I can't remember what the context for that was, but it was just kind of off--not the stuff you say on an open page.  Conversely, I have a friend who suggested an OTC medication to me but by PM when I posted about not getting enough sleep--which I think is how you are supposed to do that sort of thing.  Not just throw it out there.  I really appreciated the discretion.
 
So, today I posted something about the horrible music I was being forced to listen to in the mall today.  I'm a rock and blues person and I am preparing to go to about 10-15 shows of my favorite band as they travel around the country, so its kind of a big thing with me.
 
I posted 'was shopping tonight. Apparently it is "trendy" to blast bad music everywhere.  Yadda yadda...'

and she commented --"you're not the demographic they're after."  Nothing wrong with that.  I commented back "There is no demographic for bad music, just lost souls who don't know any better."

So, she comes back with "You certainly are opinionated aren't you!"

So, I am like aaarrrrrggghhhh!  No! Not at all!  --- Of course I am!  But, what are you?  My mother?  Why would you say something like that on Facebook?

Why would you argue with someone's opinion?
 
People post things on their walls all the time that I find offensive or think "well, we don't agree on that."  I don't go momming them or trying to shame them for having an opinion.
 
So, I think I am at the end of my rope with her.  I deleted her comments and mine.  I regularly delete her comments.   The only way I can describe it is that she is a "buzzkill."
 
I mean, if she would actively or creatively taunt me back, I could accept that because its half joking.  But, this just comes across as "you should not have said that!"  Kind of like an internet monitor.
 
So, what do you think?  Cut her loose or give her one more chance.

At this point I don't know that I ever plan on seeing her IRL again.  Maybe its time to let go.  I would have thought that since she doesn't seem to approve of much of what I post, she would just defriend me!

Sign Of The Times

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2013, 12:43:11 AM »
relationships aren't supposed to be that much work. Pull the plug is my advice.

I'm also with you on the insane din of the music at shopping malls. And I may not be their demographic, but my children are (or will one day be) and I will not be underwriting their tastes at such shops.
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Surianne

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2013, 10:09:25 AM »
Ugh, yeah, I'd either defriend her, or if you think you might want to see her IRL sometime, I'd hide my posts from her -- so you can still maintain the Facebook tie if she wants to directly message you, but she won't be tempted to comment on your posts in public.  Honestly though I'd probably go straight to defriending, if I were you.

I love this, by the way:

"There is no demographic for bad music, just lost souls who don't know any better."

Cat-Fu

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2013, 10:14:24 AM »
From the way you're writing about this woman, it sounds like you don't like her very much anyway. I would defriend.
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Twik

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2013, 10:15:35 AM »
relationships aren't supposed to be that much work. Pull the plug is my advice.

Certainly FB ones aren't supposed to be! I agree, if you hardly know her, and she's causing you stress, defriend.
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zyrs

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2013, 10:55:24 PM »
Defriend is my vote.

MariaE

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2013, 02:28:55 AM »
I love this, by the way:

"There is no demographic for bad music, just lost souls who don't know any better."

I don't. I think it's horribly condescending. "Bad" music is subjective, and this comes across as "I say what music is bad and if you like it, it's because you're too stupid to know otherwise."

I thought the person in the OP was very restrained in her reply to that comment.
 
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CakeEater

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2013, 06:04:38 AM »
Yep, defriend and don't look back. FB is a wonderful thing for keeping in contact with people you would otherwise lose contact with. But I think all parties need to realise that without FB, you would have lost contact, and keep comments to a level that is appropriate.

I have a number of 'friends' on FB who I am interested in seeing what they're up to, but I don't know them well enough any more to make any but the most general comments on their posts.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2013, 08:26:09 AM »
I'm FB friends with a few opinionated people, and aside from the occasional head-shake or double-take, I just ignore their comments.  And, like you, I've been angered and offended when they aggressively tried to make me change my opinion.  One can argue facts because they are what they are and the argument can be won, but opinions are very personal.  There is no "right" or "wrong", and both she and you are entitled to your own.  Her getting on your case and trying to make you "see the light" is not only not okay, it's counterproductive.  I'd either hide her comments from my news feed, or defriend her.

angilamae

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2013, 01:11:19 PM »
Were you specific in the song you were complaining about?  She may have liked the song and been embarresed or hurt.  Obvioulsy she should have just taken the gentle ribbing about her music and thrown oen back or whatever though.  I would defriend her.  She does seem a bit boring and you obviously don't like her much.  Or at least block her from commenting or something.
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MamaMootz

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2013, 03:23:53 PM »
Hahahaha... I read the title as "Ready to DeFIEND".... which is really apropos, considering the situation.

Yeah, another vote for defriend.
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oogyda

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2013, 09:58:46 AM »
Were you specific in the song you were complaining about?  She may have liked the song and been embarresed or hurt.  Obvioulsy she should have just taken the gentle ribbing about her music and thrown oen back or whatever though.  I would defriend her.  She does seem a bit boring and you obviously don't like her much.  Or at least block her from commenting or something.

I didn't take the OP's comment as "gentle ribbing". It came off as an emphatic opinion, which is basically what the friend pointed out.

You're right that it doesn't seem like OP likes her, anyway, and that's a good enough reason to defriend. Especially if OP can't ignore or disregard her comments.
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Surianne

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2013, 01:33:22 PM »
I love this, by the way:

"There is no demographic for bad music, just lost souls who don't know any better."

I don't. I think it's horribly condescending. "Bad" music is subjective, and this comes across as "I say what music is bad and if you like it, it's because you're too stupid to know otherwise."

I thought the person in the OP was very restrained in her reply to that comment.

I'm not going to agree with you on that, and I don't think arguing about it will lead the thread in any useful direction.

MariaE

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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2013, 01:56:44 PM »
I love this, by the way:

"There is no demographic for bad music, just lost souls who don't know any better."

I don't. I think it's horribly condescending. "Bad" music is subjective, and this comes across as "I say what music is bad and if you like it, it's because you're too stupid to know otherwise."

I thought the person in the OP was very restrained in her reply to that comment.

I'm not going to agree with you on that, and I don't think arguing about it will lead the thread in any useful direction.

Why did you reply then? Honest question, I promise! I'm not being snarky, I just don't get it. I would have figured it was pretty obvious even from your original comment that we'd never agree on that one, so I'm confused .
 
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Re: About ready to defined...
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2013, 02:57:55 PM »
This sounded a lot more like a rant than an etiquette question to be honest.  This person seemed to enjoy talking to you, but you're the one who dodged the conversation and lied to avoid seeing her.  She did breach some etiquette lines with inappropriate posts on your FB page, but you could simply have corrected that via Private Message. 

Defriend and maybe think a bit more about the sort of person you want to be connected to going forward?  I don't accept friend requests from people I haven't seen in forever unless I'm actually interested in catching up.  If they just want to send a one-time "Hey, how are you" then they can send me a private message without friending me.  It's much easier that way.