So LordL and I are planning our upcoming wedding. The lab mate Suzy I share an office with is the MOH for her friend Veronica's wedding. Needless to say the subject of wedding stuff comes up pretty regularly - Suzy and I are friends and talk about various personal things.
The issue is that Veronica is being somewhat of a bridezilla, and as someone who is trying to be the ANTI-bridezilla it raises my blood pressure to hear about her antics and it's hard to stay polite. For example, Veronica has two maids of honor who are both students on tight budgets, but she specifically asked that they host her wedding shower at an expensive restaurant and invite 70 people. There is no way they can afford that and she should know that (apparently she's had money troubles herself making it all the more baffling). There are other examples where Veronica picks the most expensive option and it causes tension and anxiety for Suzy.
On the other hand, I am more concerned with what will be easy and stress free for everyone in my bridal party than anything else. I told them that I do not want/need a wedding shower - people already were generous to me at my engagement party, a shower seems redundant. I don't want a bachelorette either and there are no mandatory matching dresses (my party can wear whatever they want that fits within our very flexible colorscheme and the formality of the event). I am very conscious of the fact that there is a bridal industry whose goal it to make you spend money and am trying to do only what is necessary and meaningful for me and LordL. So it makes me upset to see Suzy tearing her hair out because Veronica wants the dream big white wedding with all the stops pulled out and it relying on people who can't afford it to make it happen.
What is a polite way to respond when Suzy tells me "Veronica wants an entire garden of ice sculptures at her bridal shower and I have no idea how we're going to tell her no" or whathaveyou, without launching into a rant about the wedding industrial complex and how there will be no ice gardens at MY wedding? I really don't want to sound like I am humble bragging about how awesome a bride I am. Suzy also believes that low key weddings are the way to go so I'm not at risk of offending her, per say, more that I don't want to make her feel worse about her friendship with Veronica (which she describes as close). I've encouraged her to open a dialogue about budget to avoid hurt feelings or resentment down the line. But how much should I keep my mouth shut about the wedding of a stranger, whose way of doing things is causing stress for one of my friends?