Etiquette School is in session! > "Have you tried the bean dip?"

Beandipping dead baby stories

(1/4) > >>

girlysprite:
Me and DH have recently become parents of a beautiful baby boy. He is six weeks old now. This story takes place during christmas, when we spent some time in my moms home with the baby. He was, at tha point. 3 weeks old. We were doing fine, but due to hormones amy story about a baby dying or suffering another bad fate leaves me im tears.
During the visit I went upstairs to feed the baby. SIL started a comversation with DH. She congratulated us on having become parents, and continued right away with telling that it was hard for her to see young babies, because she had never been able to conceive. My DH was slightly miffed at this (can't she just be happy for us? He thought). But them she continued to tell about her experiences as a nurse in the past, and babies who were born with severe defects and deformities, who'd die soon after birth. My DH said that he needed to check on me and the baby and removed himself from the room.
He didn't tell me what happened until now, as he didn't want to trigger me, and I thank him for that judgement. But really, who tells such stories to new parents??

mrkitty:
First, girlysprite, congratulations on your new baby!!  ;D

There could be a lot of reasons your SIL did this. But it sounds to me like a classic case of good old jealousy. But no matter the reason, (I think) it's pretty insensitive and in poor taste to go on about such a topic under the circumstances. Let's all say it together: In! Appropriate!

I think your husband handled it about as well as any one could have. There's that technique on here called "beandipping" where one changes the subject (other posters are more experienced about how to deploy the maneuver; I'm still learning) but essentially you just ignore what they say and change the subject. OR, you can use Complete Silence, where you cease speaking all together and just stare at the speaker and say nothing until they (hopefully) realize they stepped in it and either apologize or run scampering from the room.

But the excuse and quick exit your husband made seems to me like a perfectly reasonable and effective way to go. I take it that this conversation did not happen in front of you (I certainly hope not!). Depending upon how close your DH is to your SIL (is she his sister, or wife of his brother, or the wife of your brother?) or how they're related by marriage, perhaps, if this continues, he could pull her aside discreetly and gently - but firmly - point out that this topic is very upsetting for both of you and you would both appreciate it if she didn't bring that up in either of your presence again?

Now personally (and this is just me here) I find the topic rather too distressing to discuss in any kind of a social context - and I would rather not hear about such tragic things unless it was very relevant to a particular conversation. My goodness. There are just some. things. you don't bring up at certain times!!!!

Jealousy, I say. She probably is not even consciously aware of it. I'm so sorry about that.

But, again, congratulations on your new beautiful baby!!! Yay!!!  ;D

BeagleMommy:
Girlysprite, I'm always amazed at people who do this so I have no answer for you on that one.  Bravo to your DH for 1) removing himself by beandipping and 2) having the good sense not to say anything to you until now.

Congratulations on the new bundle of joy!

Piratelvr1121:

--- Quote from: girlysprite on January 18, 2013, 11:06:58 AM ---Me and DH have recently become parents of a beautiful baby boy. He is six weeks old now. This story takes place during christmas, when we spent some time in my moms home with the baby. He was, at tha point. 3 weeks old. We were doing fine, but due to hormones amy story about a baby dying or suffering another bad fate leaves me im tears.
During the visit I went upstairs to feed the baby. SIL started a comversation with DH. She congratulated us on having become parents, and continued right away with telling that it was hard for her to see young babies, because she had never been able to conceive. My DH was slightly miffed at this (can't she just be happy for us? He thought). But them she continued to tell about her experiences as a nurse in the past, and babies who were born with severe defects and deformities, who'd die soon after birth. My DH said that he needed to check on me and the baby and removed himself from the room.
He didn't tell me what happened until now, as he didn't want to trigger me, and I thank him for that judgement. But really, who tells such stories to new parents??

--- End quote ---

I think your dh nailed it right there. No, she can't.  I've known people who, if they were unhappy, felt the need to bring others down too because hey misery loves company, right?  I think what she did was downright cruel though, only 3 weeks after you had your child and she was planting thoughts like that?

I know when Piratebabe was real little I got a bit paranoid about that sort of thing, and when the older two were that age too.  So I sure didn't need help from others giving me things to worry about!

MamaMootz:
Who tells people these stories? I don't know - people who are jealous or possibly just thoughtless. Or possibly she was doing a "consider yourself lucky you have a healthy baby" spiel without realizing it?

Maybe this was her way of expressing her pain about not being able to conceive?

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I was subjected to Pregnancy Horror Stories Version 1.0 during my entire pregnancy from a co-worker whose wife had such a horrific labor she almost died.
I really, really, didn't need to hear that after miscarrying  one baby (I was carrying twins) early on in the pregnancy while carrying the other twin to term.

People can be thoughtless twits. Good on your DH for protecting you, though, and excellent use of Bean Dip.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version