Boy in ballet, he must be....

[ncgal]

hmmm, so what would they say about all the guys at my daughter's dance studio, one of which I know only does dance full time after Dec as he plays football for the local high school team in the Fall.  All of the guys and girls on the dance team have to take ballet and a few of the guys are even teacher assistants for the little kids ballet classes. 

So the ballet would make him....
The football would make him....

with that logic he would be a super confused guy

A guy taking ballet means......a guy is taking ballet....nothing more, nothing less.

[Iris]

My friend's daughter is on her middle school's wrestling team.  Wonder what people would think of that?

My friend's husband coaches the local high school wrestling team. He has said he'll never allow his daughter (who is very tomboyish and would probably love it) to wrestle. He says he's thinking of all the male wrestlers who would have to be put in the position of wrestling (and potentially losing) to a girl. That would be my hill to die on, if that was my husband.

There are no words to express how deeply sad and angry that story makes me. His poor daughter.

[gramma dishes]

Wrestling is the ONE and only sport where I'd be a little reluctant to have boys and girls as combatants.  My son wrestled a little in high school, although quickly deciding he preferred soccer.  And one of my grandson's is pursing wrestling now in it's most basic (elementary school) level.

There are certain wrestling moves and holds which I think might be inappropriate for boys and girls to engage in together.  Some are quite ... well ... intimate.   It makes this sport different from baseball, basketball, soccer, swimming, even football.  So I kind of "get" where these parents are coming from and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the idea of a boy feeling 'shame' at being beaten by a girl.  Why would that be any different from a girl beating a boy in tennis or any other sport?

[Moray]

Boy in ballet, he must be....learning to dance?

It's always difficult to counter these types of comments. Does one start with the assumption about sexual orientation, or the idea that being effeminate or homosexual is somehow wrong?

Personally, I like to go with deliberate, cheerful ignorance. Most people, when asked to actually clarify what they know to be an uncharitable assumption or insensitive statement will realize they're being inappropriate and put a lid on it.

Them: "Your boy's in ballet? Do you want him to be...you know?"
You, smiling: "Know what?"
Them: "Well, don't you worry he's going to turn out..."
You, still politely: "Turn out how?"
Them: "Um, gay."
You, looking pleasantly confused: "I can't see how a dance class would affect that. Besides, it's not like it's a bad thing."

And then go right back to what you were doing, or go grab a cup of coffee, or make some copies.

[VorFemme]

I think that a male ballet dancer would win a fight with many other sport people. They have great strength, stamina and agility. Have you ever seen those guys lift the girls as if they weigh nothing?

Yup.  He's lifting 90 pounds, straight-armed, no grunting or grimacing allowed.  And he's doing it after running around for 20 or 30 minutes.  And he has to make it look good.

You forgot "look easy" and "look graceful".

[katycoo]

Wrestling is the ONE and only sport where I'd be a little reluctant to have boys and girls as combatants.  My son wrestled a little in high school, although quickly deciding he preferred soccer.  And one of my grandson's is pursing wrestling now in it's most basic (elementary school) level.

There are certain wrestling moves and holds which I think might be inappropriate for boys and girls to engage in together.  Some are quite ... well ... intimate.   It makes this sport different from baseball, basketball, soccer, swimming, even football.  So I kind of "get" where these parents are coming from and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the idea of a boy feeling 'shame' at being beaten by a girl.  Why would that be any different from a girl beating a boy in tennis or any other sport?

If your ballet dancing child was then paired to dance a romantic scene in a pas de deux?  Or a lift where the support was held on the upper thigh?

[Alpacas]

I think that a male ballet dancer would win a fight with many other sport people. They have great strength, stamina and agility. Have you ever seen those guys lift the girls as if they weigh nothing?

Yup.  He's lifting 90 pounds, straight-armed, no grunting or grimacing allowed.  And he's doing it after running around for 20 or 30 minutes.  And he has to make it look good.

You forgot "look easy" and "look graceful".

I think the best visual example for all this is this man here: Youtube: Lost in Motion

The body control, the tension.
Simply incredible. I could watch his movements for hours.

[gramma dishes]

If your ballet dancing child was then paired to dance a romantic scene in a pas de deux?  Or a lift where the support was held on the upper thigh?

Point well made!  Somehow the contact seems altogether different in a dance context though.  Flying through the air just seems so much more graceful than thrashing around on a floor mat. 

[mmswm]

If your ballet dancing child was then paired to dance a romantic scene in a pas de deux?  Or a lift where the support was held on the upper thigh?

My son made a comment about this when some boys were teasing him about being a ballet dancer.  The comment is not eHell approved, but suffice it to say that this was the moment I began to worry about becoming a grandmother far to early.  We had a very long talk, involving threats of being pulled from ballet, about the importance of respecting women after that.

[katycoo]

If your ballet dancing child was then paired to dance a romantic scene in a pas de deux?  Or a lift where the support was held on the upper thigh?

Point well made!  Somehow the contact seems altogether different in a dance context though.  Flying through the air just seems so much more graceful than thrashing around on a floor mat.

You know, its funny but considering this myself, I'd actually prefer the wrestling.

In wresting, the contact is secondary to the goal.  Goal is to win, the contact may or may not happen.

In ballet, the goal is to communicate an emotion.  The sensuality is intentional, even if not true between the parties.  The contact is planned and intentional.

I would probably allow both, particularly since a level of talent and commitment (and maturity) is present by the time dancing would progress to such a level. But still, food for thought.

[barefoot_girl]

In England, even rugby players have done a bit of dancing and ice-skating on TV! One of my husband's friends is an ex-military policeman, now a civilian policeman, specialising in riot training and crowd control. he is what you might call a Hard Case. He's in his 40s now, but when he was 17, and at FE college, he studied Beauty Therapy and was the only male in a class of about 25 females. His friends all teased him, of course, but he would calmly point out that there was just him, surrounded by 25 girls all making themselves look as beautiful as possible...and then the friends would go away rather quietly and thoughtfully!

He is the only riot policeman I know who can give you a lovely manicure.

[nolechica]

. Plus, what girl doesn't love a guy who can dance, regardless of who he loves?

Well,  not to point out the stereotyping here but...I don't care. I'm a female who doesn't like to dance so whether a guy likes to or not or is good or not is irrelevant to me.


There was an article in a newspaper some years ago which was an interview with a Prison Warden of a major prison in Wisconsin. He'd been a professional ballet dancer in Europe for some years before retiring and he said in Europe people didn't do the "ballet = gay " meme but instead the "ballet dancer= gets the women " meme.

You'd be the exception then because most girls I know have judged guys on their dancing at some point.

[Outdoor Girl]

Re:  Guys and dancing.

I was at a country bar one night, watching an older couple dance.  They were so smooth and looked fantastic and I so wanted to do that.  I ran into the wife in the washroom a little later in the evening so I commented to her what great dancers they were and then asked her if she'd mind if I asked her husband to dance.  She laughed and said it would probably make his night.

So I did.  I don't know about his night but it made mine, being able to dance with a guy who knew what he was doing and could lead!  None of the guys my own age could dance that way.

[stitchygreyanonymouse]

I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall because of this stereotype and the larger "make fun of guys who dance" one. I really want to take ballroom lessons with my SO. He refuses, because said stereotype is so ingrained in his head (he’s not even a super macho kind of guy and readily admits that most of the time when we watch RomComs and chick flicks, he chose them).

He’s more than willing to be the "quilt shop husband" or do just about any other sort of activity together (maybe not mani/pedis), but draws the line at dancing. Hmph.

On topic, I agree with all the PPs that I would force the people to finish their sentence, frown, and respond along the lines of "why would I be concerned with that? How about some beandip?"

[Venus193]

I took ballroom dance lessons many years ago and ended up dating someone I met there.  He could have been a competition show contestant, he was that good.  When we danced in public I would notice other women watching and their husbands or dates shaking their heads.

This is sad stuff.