Author Topic: "I'm good" again  (Read 5913 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #45 on: January 21, 2013, 06:59:52 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

squeakers

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #46 on: January 21, 2013, 07:54:35 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."
"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2013, 08:01:00 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Hmmmmm

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2013, 10:51:32 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
I disagree because the person in the mall or store is not offering it out of kindness they are offering it because they want to make a sell.  But I'll admit that I have been so conditioned to say "No, Thank you" that I was finding myself walking through our local mall not even being able to complete a conversation with my DD because I was saying "No Thank you" to so many offers of calendars, sunglasses, lotion samples, tea samples, eye brow waxing and massages.  So now I'm to the point that they most they get is a "No" or a shake of the head if I even acknowledge them at all. 

I'm also ok with the phrase "I'm good" but I find I only use it after I've been offered the same thing before and have already said thank you and usually in informal settings.  Like the example of being offered another glass of wine or another cup of coffee.  The Thanks is implied and was already offered with the first, second, and third glass/cup offered.

I do however dislike the phrase in response to "How are you today?" 

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2013, 10:56:26 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
I disagree because the person in the mall or store is not offering it out of kindness they are offering it because they want to make a sell.  But I'll admit that I have been so conditioned to say "No, Thank you" that I was finding myself walking through our local mall not even being able to complete a conversation with my DD because I was saying "No Thank you" to so many offers of calendars, sunglasses, lotion samples, tea samples, eye brow waxing and massages.  So now I'm to the point that they most they get is a "No" or a shake of the head if I even acknowledge them at all. 

I'm also ok with the phrase "I'm good" but I find I only use it after I've been offered the same thing before and have already said thank you and usually in informal settings.  Like the example of being offered another glass of wine or another cup of coffee.  The Thanks is implied and was already offered with the first, second, and third glass/cup offered.

I do however dislike the phrase in response to "How are you today?"

So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Yvaine

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #50 on: January 21, 2013, 10:58:01 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
I disagree because the person in the mall or store is not offering it out of kindness they are offering it because they want to make a sell.  But I'll admit that I have been so conditioned to say "No, Thank you" that I was finding myself walking through our local mall not even being able to complete a conversation with my DD because I was saying "No Thank you" to so many offers of calendars, sunglasses, lotion samples, tea samples, eye brow waxing and massages.  So now I'm to the point that they most they get is a "No" or a shake of the head if I even acknowledge them at all. 

I agree on both counts--I don't think it's necessary when it's an unsolicited sales pitch, and I instinctively do it anyway.  ;D Though I must admit that the more times the sea salt people ask me, the less thank-youish I feel toward them!

Yvaine

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #51 on: January 21, 2013, 10:59:59 AM »
So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?

I don't see it as kindness if it's unsolicited. I mean, yeah, if I voluntarily go to a restaurant and have a server, I should say thank you to him/her. But if someone randomly waylays me while I'm trying to get from point A to point B, I don't think it's out of kindness. I actually think it's a rude policy. Double that if they try to put the product (spray perfume, lotion squirt, etc.) on you without even getting your permission first.

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #52 on: January 21, 2013, 11:02:03 AM »
So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?

I don't see it as kindness if it's unsolicited. I mean, yeah, if I voluntarily go to a restaurant and have a server, I should say thank you to him/her. But if someone randomly waylays me while I'm trying to get from point A to point B, I don't think it's out of kindness. I actually think it's a rude policy. Double that if they try to put the product (spray perfume, lotion squirt, etc.) on you without even getting your permission first.

I do not condone putting the product on your without your permission.  In fact, even the thought is making me have a very angry reaction to someone doing that.

I do see the unsolicited as coming from a place of kindness, not necessarily a kindness itself.  I see, however, that you think that is a rude policy overall and I do not.  That could be the cause of us seeing those differently.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Hmmmmm

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #53 on: January 21, 2013, 11:03:49 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
I disagree because the person in the mall or store is not offering it out of kindness they are offering it because they want to make a sell.  But I'll admit that I have been so conditioned to say "No, Thank you" that I was finding myself walking through our local mall not even being able to complete a conversation with my DD because I was saying "No Thank you" to so many offers of calendars, sunglasses, lotion samples, tea samples, eye brow waxing and massages.  So now I'm to the point that they most they get is a "No" or a shake of the head if I even acknowledge them at all. 

I'm also ok with the phrase "I'm good" but I find I only use it after I've been offered the same thing before and have already said thank you and usually in informal settings.  Like the example of being offered another glass of wine or another cup of coffee.  The Thanks is implied and was already offered with the first, second, and third glass/cup offered.

I do however dislike the phrase in response to "How are you today?"

So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?
Because ignoring someone who is obviously speaking directly to you feels extremely rude to me and slightly dehumanzing.

And I didn't say the person offering me a sprtiz of perfume was doing it out of maliciousness. You said it was being offered out of an act of kindness.  Your implication was that any act done out of kindness required a thank you after the no.  I disagreed that their offer was done out of kindness.   

Yvaine

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #54 on: January 21, 2013, 11:07:58 AM »
So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?

I don't see it as kindness if it's unsolicited. I mean, yeah, if I voluntarily go to a restaurant and have a server, I should say thank you to him/her. But if someone randomly waylays me while I'm trying to get from point A to point B, I don't think it's out of kindness. I actually think it's a rude policy. Double that if they try to put the product (spray perfume, lotion squirt, etc.) on you without even getting your permission first.

I do not condone putting the product on your without your permission.  In fact, even the thought is making me have a very angry reaction to someone doing that.

I do see the unsolicited as coming from a place of kindness, not necessarily a kindness itself.  I see, however, that you think that is a rude policy overall and I do not.  That could be the cause of us seeing those differently.

I guess what isn't computing in my head is "place of kindness" vs. "kindness."  How do they differ?

When I talk about the rude salespeople, I think you may be picturing just a normal "Can I help you find anything" as you walk around a store. Around here we have these lotion kiosk people who ask repeatedly even after getting a no, and will try to actually squirt it on you if you get too close. I think it's inherently rude. I think the reason I still say "no thanks" most of the time is because I know the low-wage employee at the kiosk didn't set the policy and the bulk of the blame is further up the ladder, but I don't see kindness in it at all.

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #55 on: January 21, 2013, 11:15:34 AM »
That's quite alright  :).  I'll try again.

When the answer is "no" (not any other form of it) to something that is offered, a "thanks" should automatically follow.  To not follow with a thanks is, IMO, rude.

Depends on what is offered.

"You want another smack upside the head?" "No." 
"Would you like to try a spritz of Ritzy Stinky perfume?" "No."
"Hey, baby!! You want some of me?" "No."

I didn't think I had to add the caveat that something that was offered out of kindness...

As for the perfume one, yes, I think thanks is required after that.
I disagree because the person in the mall or store is not offering it out of kindness they are offering it because they want to make a sell.  But I'll admit that I have been so conditioned to say "No, Thank you" that I was finding myself walking through our local mall not even being able to complete a conversation with my DD because I was saying "No Thank you" to so many offers of calendars, sunglasses, lotion samples, tea samples, eye brow waxing and massages.  So now I'm to the point that they most they get is a "No" or a shake of the head if I even acknowledge them at all. 

I'm also ok with the phrase "I'm good" but I find I only use it after I've been offered the same thing before and have already said thank you and usually in informal settings.  Like the example of being offered another glass of wine or another cup of coffee.  The Thanks is implied and was already offered with the first, second, and third glass/cup offered.

I do however dislike the phrase in response to "How are you today?"

So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?
Because ignoring someone who is obviously speaking directly to you feels extremely rude to me and slightly dehumanzing.

And I didn't say the person offering me a sprtiz of perfume was doing it out of maliciousness. You said it was being offered out of an act of kindness.  Your implication was that any act done out of kindness required a thank you after the no.  I disagreed that their offer was done out of kindness.

If you don't make eye contact, I don't see the problem; how do you know they aren't speaking to someone else?  If you make eye contact then look away and don't say anything, then I agree, that can be rude.  You also said "if you acknowledge them at all"...isn't that the same as not saying anything at all like I suggested?

I didn't say anyone said that someone offering perfume was doing so out of maliciousness.  I was simply pointing out that the smack upside the head was malicious* and that I did not think the offer of perfume was along the same lines, thus it is not malicious.


* I thought the "You want some of me?" was asking for a fight, not a "date".  I missed the "Hey, baby!!" part.  I thought 1 and 3 of the list were malicious while 2 was not.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Yvaine

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #56 on: January 21, 2013, 11:18:30 AM »
If you don't make eye contact, I don't see the problem; how do you know they aren't speaking to someone else?  If you make eye contact then look away and don't say anything, then I agree, that can be rude.  You also said "if you acknowledge them at all"...isn't that the same as not saying anything at all like I suggested?

I didn't say anyone said that someone offering perfume was doing so out of maliciousness.  I was simply pointing out that the smack upside the head was malicious* and that I did not think the offer of perfume was along the same lines, thus it is not malicious.


* I thought the "You want some of me?" was asking for a fight, not a "date".  I missed the "Hey, baby!!" part.  I thought 1 and 3 of the list were malicious while 2 was not.

I'm going to agree that plausible-deniability-just-didn't-notice is also not rude. If you really don't make eye contact and seem absorbed in your own conversation or thoughts, I think that's fine.

As for "You want some of me?", I think street harassment is about as malicious as a challenge to a fight. These creeps aren't really doing it out of admiration for anyone's beauty. They're doing it because they're creeps and they like to harass women.

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #57 on: January 21, 2013, 11:19:05 AM »
So what if it is their job?  It's not out of maliciousness, it is from a place of kindness even if it means they get paid to do it.  That requires a "thanks" after the no.  If you don't feel you can have a conversation because you're too busy declining the offer, why not continue your conversation and pretend like you didn't hear them?

I don't see it as kindness if it's unsolicited. I mean, yeah, if I voluntarily go to a restaurant and have a server, I should say thank you to him/her. But if someone randomly waylays me while I'm trying to get from point A to point B, I don't think it's out of kindness. I actually think it's a rude policy. Double that if they try to put the product (spray perfume, lotion squirt, etc.) on you without even getting your permission first.

I do not condone putting the product on your without your permission.  In fact, even the thought is making me have a very angry reaction to someone doing that.

I do see the unsolicited as coming from a place of kindness, not necessarily a kindness itself.  I see, however, that you think that is a rude policy overall and I do not.  That could be the cause of us seeing those differently.

I guess what isn't computing in my head is "place of kindness" vs. "kindness."  How do they differ?

When I talk about the rude salespeople, I think you may be picturing just a normal "Can I help you find anything" as you walk around a store. Around here we have these lotion kiosk people who ask repeatedly even after getting a no, and will try to actually squirt it on you if you get too close. I think it's inherently rude. I think the reason I still say "no thanks" most of the time is because I know the low-wage employee at the kiosk didn't set the policy and the bulk of the blame is further up the ladder, but I don't see kindness in it at all.

No, I was picturing the people at the kiosk, too.  Squirting it at me would get a very, very bad reaction.  Offering to let me try it, on the other hand, would get a, "No, thanks."

A place of kindness, to me, is without the intent to harm, without nefarious intent.  Kindness is actually going out of the way to be nice to someone.

A place of kindness:  Would you like to try our new #1 combo?
Kindness:  Would you like this seat?  I'll stand so you can rest your feet.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Yvaine

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #58 on: January 21, 2013, 11:21:13 AM »
A place of kindness, to me, is without the intent to harm, without nefarious intent.  Kindness is actually going out of the way to be nice to someone.

A place of kindness:  Would you like to try our new #1 combo?
Kindness:  Would you like this seat?  I'll stand so you can rest your feet.

See, I think what you call "a place of kindness" is just neutral business communication (and the #1 combo example is not rude, fwiw--going into the fast food place indicates an intent to buy some fast food, so they have a reason to ask you).

Mental Magpie

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Re: "I'm good" again
« Reply #59 on: January 21, 2013, 11:25:58 AM »
A place of kindness, to me, is without the intent to harm, without nefarious intent.  Kindness is actually going out of the way to be nice to someone.

A place of kindness:  Would you like to try our new #1 combo?
Kindness:  Would you like this seat?  I'll stand so you can rest your feet.

See, I think what you call "a place of kindness" is just neutral business communication (and the #1 combo example is not rude, fwiw--going into the fast food place indicates an intent to buy some fast food, so they have a reason to ask you).

Sure, but it isn't from a place of unkindness (trying to lure you into a scam or something), thus, to me, that makes it from a place of kindness.  (The combo one probably wasn't a good example, you're right, but I think you still got my explanation, right?).

I can see where we differ in our approach to it, though.  I still think it requires a thanks, but I can see where you don't think it does.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.