Author Topic: Canceling for this afternoon's event  (Read 3923 times)

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artk2002

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Re: Canceling for this afternoon's event
« Reply #15 on: January 22, 2013, 02:44:00 PM »
I will continue inviting her, because not inviting her would raise a lot of eyebrows (and a few stifled giggles -- She does this to everyone in our circle), but I'm not going to worry about her dietary restrictions anymore.

Wait... who would be giggling and why? And why do you care about their raised eyebrows? If they don't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to the flake, then they don't get to comment directly or indirectly on you doing so.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

jaxsue

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Re: Canceling for this afternoon's event
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2013, 10:16:43 PM »
I will continue inviting her, because not inviting her would raise a lot of eyebrows (and a few stifled giggles -- She does this to everyone in our circle), but I'm not going to worry about her dietary restrictions anymore.

Wait... who would be giggling and why? And why do you care about their raised eyebrows? If they don't have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to the flake, then they don't get to comment directly or indirectly on you doing so.

I agree with this. Sounds more like jr. High school behavior than rational adult behavior.  :P

Actually, I remember dealing with someone several years ago who was super flaky. She'd forget about plans or would be very, very late. I don't recall her ever being on time. And a lot of these events involved a lot of people and significant travel. We'd always be held up by her.

So why couldn't or wouldn't anyone deal with this? This was a church group, and she was the youth minister's wife. No one wanted to make waves.

Lynn2000

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Re: Canceling for this afternoon's event
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2013, 11:24:53 AM »
Only you can know for sure if she's pulling your leg or not, but illness is one of the generally accepted etiquette allowances for backing out of a commitment.  Given the history, you might be better served not to invite her to stuff or prepare anything specially, but if I was another guest at this get-together I'd prefer she stay home if she's got a contagious disease.

As to knowing if she was getting over the flu, she might have thought until this morning that she'd be well enough to attend, and it's taking longer than she thought to shake it off.  The polite action is to give her the benefit of the doubt, although again, if you have your suspicions then consider today the next time you're building a guest list.

Virg

I agree with this. If it was a one-time thing, I wouldn't blame someone for telling me they were out sick on the morning of the event, because illness can be unpredictable and I would definitely rather someone who might be contagious not show up, than show up and infect everyone else. It would be a little irritating if I'd made special food/plans for them, but I would just think, that's life, and move on.

However, her pattern of behavior makes things more suspect. I think I would stop inviting her to small gatherings where her absence would affect things. If you're hosting an event with food that you invite her to, I do think you ought to make an effort to accommodate her dietary restrictions, though. Others on this board are really good at suggesting foods that can accommodate dietary restrictions while also being perfectly suitable for a large crowd, so you don't have to feel like the special dish you made will now go to waste.
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lowspark

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Re: Canceling for this afternoon's event
« Reply #18 on: January 25, 2013, 10:28:53 AM »
I, too, am curious as to why not inviting her anymore would have such negative reactions (from whom? her? others?) and why you would care.

Also, does she ever invite you to anything?

I've definitely experienced people who cancel at the last minute. Two or three times is the most I'll put up with. And I've found that as soon as I stop inviting, the [attempt at] friendship ends. They never invite me or even ask why I stopped inviting them. So to me, the last minute cancellation thing is a clear indication that they are not as interested in pursuing a friendship as I am.

Just to clarify, I do have lots of friends, partially because I do reach out to lots of people. The above paragraph sort of made it sound like I don't have any.  8)