General Etiquette > Life...in general

Flaky Friend: Is this worth cutting our friendship over? Update #31,#56

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Otterpop:
We just cut a friend due to this.  It was her third strike in causing us stress and the first in costing us money.  When I expressed my feelings all I got back was justification, so no more friendship.

If you feel comfortable, express your frustration and she how she deals with it.  If she's genuinely sorry, remain friends but scale back on making any plans with her.  If she justifies being flaky, drop the friendship, she's way too self-centered.

BuffaloFang:

--- Quote from: oceanus on January 20, 2013, 12:34:56 PM ---Now you say it's not about the money.  Why mention it?

--- End quote ---

I really only brought up the money to illustrate how deep she was into the planning before backing out. I agree, $500 is a significant amount of money, but we are a large enough group that a communist method of divying up her share would not significantly harm any of us.

She called about the logistics of trying to get refunds for some of the stuff, and gave me a brief apology about about the canceling.  I said something like, "Frankly, it wasn't a huge surprise.  You do this often." and brought up the ski-trip incident.  Her reply was that she didn't remember that - no apology. And then she became very short with me on the phone.  Since then I've only had brief emails about refunding aspects of the trip. Oh well - at this point I don't think we have much to say to each other. I suppose I'll just leave things where they lie and write off the friendship for my sanity.

Venus193:
The money issue is also a matter of principle.  While it might not present a vast out-of-pocket to some, it still represents the lack of respect the subject of this thread has for her friends.

Minmom3:

--- Quote from: BuffaloFang on January 21, 2013, 11:02:02 AM ---
--- Quote from: oceanus on January 20, 2013, 12:34:56 PM ---Now you say it's not about the money.  Why mention it?

--- End quote ---

I really only brought up the money to illustrate how deep she was into the planning before backing out. I agree, $500 is a significant amount of money, but we are a large enough group that a communist method of divying up her share would not significantly harm any of us.

She called about the logistics of trying to get refunds for some of the stuff, and gave me a brief apology about about the canceling.  I said something like, "Frankly, it wasn't a huge surprise.  You do this often." and brought up the ski-trip incident.  Her reply was that she didn't remember that - no apology. And then she became very short with me on the phone.  Since then I've only had brief emails about refunding aspects of the trip. Oh well - at this point I don't think we have much to say to each other. I suppose I'll just leave things where they lie and write off the friendship for my sanity.

--- End quote ---

If she brings it up again, you could point out that she's cost you (the collective you, not just you individually) money X many times due to backing out late, and it's time for HER to eat the cost...

fountainof:
I have a friend who I am cooling things with due to similar bahaviour.  While I guess it is flakey, I generally took a step back and realized my "friend" is not flakey, just self-absorbed and friendship only works for her when it suits her needs.  It took someone else I know saying the other person is not really my friend to really step back and realize that is true.  If I said anything to the "friend"  she would just get defensive and cry I was being mean, it wouldn't be productive.  I have chosen just cooling off my contact and concern for her as the best option.

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