Flaky Friend: Is this worth cutting our friendship over? Update #31,#56

[Venus193]

Cash it, split the money, and wash your hands of her.  How many times has she stiffed you in the past?

[NyaChan]

If you texted her saying you didn't need the money from her, that she didn't owe you any money, then you shouldn't cash the check and use the money to pay back other people she owes.  I think that is both contradictory to what you've told her and also overstepping.

[blarg314]

If other people are still out money because of her, they should be re-imbursed from the money. If you choose not to cash the cheque, you can do it out of your pocket. If you don't want to get money from her it's fine, but you shouldn't make that decision for other people (plus, if they contact her themselves to get money it could get awkward).

[sammycat]

If other people are still out money because of her, they should be re-imbursed from the money. If you choose not to cash the cheque, you can do it out of your pocket. If you don't want to get money from her it's fine, but you shouldn't make that decision for other people (plus, if they contact her themselves to get money it could get awkward).

THIS.

Because, bottom line, she does owe money. Maybe not to you personally in this particular case, but she possibly does for earlier cancellations, and/or other people involved in this trip.

[oceanus]

Sheesh.  BuffaloFang, you are obviously intimidated by this nasty woman - that sticks out like a sore thumb.  If others are out money because of her, you have no right to make such a decision. I have no idea why you texted her or why you're "disappointed" that the so-called "friendship" is over. (I'm not asking - just commenting.)  Your behavior regarding this woman has been .........strange.  I'm sure if you keep texting her she'll find another way to use you.  Good luck with all that. 

[PastryGoddess]

Sheesh.  BuffaloFang, you are obviously intimidated by this nasty woman - that sticks out like a sore thumb.  If others are out money because of her, you have no right to make such a decision. I have no idea why you texted her or why you're "disappointed" that the so-called "friendship" is over. (I'm not asking - just commenting.)  Your behavior regarding this woman has been .........strange.  I'm sure if you keep texting her she'll find another way to use you.  Good luck with all that. 

This seems a bit...ummm...harsh no?? 

[oceanus]

I would shred it and let her know you did so.  It's probably a good thing you guys are taking a long break from one another.

Letting her know that her check was shredded seems childish and pointless.

[TootsNYC]

Sheesh.  BuffaloFang, you are obviously intimidated by this nasty woman - that sticks out like a sore thumb.  If others are out money because of her, you have no right to make such a decision. I have no idea why you texted her or why you're "disappointed" that the so-called "friendship" is over. (I'm not asking - just commenting.)  Your behavior regarding this woman has been .........strange.  I'm sure if you keep texting her she'll find another way to use you.  Good luck with all that. 

I agree--this seems harsh.

Also, BuffaloFang knows things we don't.

For one thing, maybe nobody else is really out money.

Maybe they all said, "Sure, we'll go together; sure, we'll split the housing and car-rental costs," without really knowing how many people would be there. If they haven't said, "If we get 4 people, that would be good," or if they've turned away someone else, or if they were recruited into the trip with the promise of 3 couples, or whatever, then yes, they've been impacted.

But I know that if I were planning a trip like this with several people, I would enter into it knowing that someone might end up backing out for one reason or another before it all comes to fruition. And I would be pretty upset if the organizing friend asked for money from someone who was backing out, especially when I wasn't actually out any cash yet, and hadn't been promised some sort of financial division of expenses.


But I would bet that this is not the case. And maybe we should all stop ordering BuffaloFang around about what to do with the monetary situation.

[TurtleDove]

Sheesh.  BuffaloFang, you are obviously intimidated by this nasty woman - that sticks out like a sore thumb.  If others are out money because of her, you have no right to make such a decision. I have no idea why you texted her or why you're "disappointed" that the so-called "friendship" is over. (I'm not asking - just commenting.)  Your behavior regarding this woman has been .........strange.  I'm sure if you keep texting her she'll find another way to use you.  Good luck with all that. 

This seems a bit...ummm...harsh no?? 

I might have phrased it differently, but I think oceanus has a very valid point. 

[TootsNYC]

I think BuffaloFang's behavior regarding this woman has been pretty ordinary, actually.
I think she's reacted in the way that a great many people would.

[GlassHalfFull]

I would shred it and let her know you did so.  It's probably a good thing you guys are taking a long break from one another.

Letting her know that her check was shredded seems childish and pointless.

To me, shredding a check is just a conscientious way to dispose of one that won't be cashed, not an insult.

[GlassHalfFull]

If other people are still out money because of her, they should be re-imbursed from the money. If you choose not to cash the cheque, you can do it out of your pocket. If you don't want to get money from her it's fine, but you shouldn't make that decision for other people (plus, if they contact her themselves to get money it could get awkward).

THIS.

Because, bottom line, she does owe money. Maybe not to you personally in this particular case, but she possibly does for earlier cancellations, and/or other people involved in this trip.

I think OP should extract herself from the money situation as she, personally, feels reimbursed, and instead tell the offender (again) that she needs to contact person A to arrange payback.  And either return or dispose of the check.

[oceanus]

To me, shredding a check is just a conscientious way to dispose of one that won't be cashed, not an insult.

I shred things all the time.
It's not the shredding, but the "letting her know" that serves no purpose other than to keep the back-and-forth going. 

[GSNW]

Actually, letting someone know you will not cash the check they have sent is the appropriate thing to do.  Haven't you ever waited for an outstanding check to hit your account and wondering why it didn't, or having that uncashed check screw up your books?

I agree that saying "I shredded it!" is a little "neener neener" childish, informing her that it won't be used is the right thing to do.

[PastryGoddess]

I would shred it and let her know you did so.  It's probably a good thing you guys are taking a long break from one another.

Letting her know that her check was shredded seems childish and pointless.

The reason to let her know is so that she is not waiting for it to be cashed.


ETA: this is why I should read to the bottom  GSNW said what I meant. 


And no I don't think you should tell her you shredded it, but just that it will not be cashed and that you have also destroyed it as well.  I think I should have used the word destroyed rather than shredded in my first post