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Author Topic: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters  (Read 148149 times)

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Sirius

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #375 on: December 25, 2014, 02:15:14 PM »
On Christmas Eve I was mixing up a spice cake.  Now, Mr. Sirius and I aren't egg eaters, so when I bake I use the pasteurized egg substitute in cartons.  Well, as I poured the egg substitute into a measuring cup I noticed there were pieces of red and green pepper and onions in it.  I then read the label - it was the southwestern omelet version.  So, since I didn't have any more egg substitute that was plain I poured some through a strainer.  The cake tastes fine, but we laughed while we were eating it.

sylviatexas

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #376 on: December 26, 2014, 07:08:56 AM »
An old schoolmate's mother told me this story:

"Les (her career military husband) & I had just gotten married & moved into base housing.

"I never had cooked a thing in my whole life, but I was all starry-eyed & was determined to be the perfect little wife, so I told him to wake me up on his first day back at work & I'd make him breakfast.

"Somehow I didn't realize just how early 5 AM was, & I was very sleepy when he got up, but I put on my new honeymoon peignoir & floated down to the kitchen to make pancakes.

"The silly things just wouldn't work right.

"By the time Les came downstairs, I had half a dozen pancakes in the trash & another one turning black in the pan, & there was smoke everywhere.

"Les *chuckled* & said, 'the perils of the newlywed wife' & turned to go out the door.

"& I picked that pancake up with the egg turner & flipped it at him.

"It stuck to the back of his neck."

They did get past this;
by the time I knew them, they'd been married for many years & had 5 children!

 

DragonKitty

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #377 on: December 26, 2014, 02:01:33 PM »
We have a voracious kitty.  I have dubbed her "The Stomach" because this cat lives to eat.  Walk away for ten seconds and she will be on food.  She will eat *through* plastic to eat bread.  Freaking bread.
Was she a rescued stray?  We adopted a bag-of-bones cat that DD2 found in a supermarket parking lot, and he would also gnaw through plastic bags to get to the food inside, even if it wasn't something cats normally eat.  I can't count how many potatoes or bananas had fang marks.  I figure that during his stray time, he ate anything that held still long enough.

That's the part that drives me completely nuts.  Not only was she never a stray, she was born in this house!  She's been our cat the entire time (a decade now), you'd think she'd get that we've never missed a single feeding.

Meanwhile, our other cat *is* a former stray, and she flat out won't eat anything *other* than cat food.  We can set a plat down right next to her (when we snack in bed) and she will walk past the food to climb in our laps.

Castor & Pollux used to do this when I would go out of town and have a catsitter come in. I figured they were protesting the lack of full-time live-in care.

We used to have a cat that would tear open the bag on the bread to eat it.  Did not know that was happening, until we caught her at it, until then we were worried about mice and having them getting up on the table.

DragonKitty

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #378 on: December 26, 2014, 02:34:55 PM »
My MIL and I bonded over cooking disasters, when my now DH (then boyfriend) dumped me on her, and ran off on some errand.

She and I had both done the  "the lid falls off on the spice jar, and we just stirred it in", her's was oregano, mine was rosemary.  (FIL and DH still tease her about it).

I also had misred the recipe on my mon's cake from scratch, thought the 1 tsp was 1tbsp of salt.  Having 3 times as much salt in a cake mixture makes it taste really weird.

Then the time I tried making 'jello cake', where I learned later that you make the cake, and then pour spoonfuls of the jello mixture down holes poked in the cake.  What I did was try to fold in the jello mixture into the raw dough, and then bake the cake.  It came out of the oven about 1/2 to 3/4 if an inch high.  Ir tasted good, but boy was that a small cake.

Then there was putting rolls to heat up in the microwave on a plate from my mom's special china - - that had gold leaf as decoration on the dishes.  Dove for the door-open switch as soon as the sparks started.

Tried cooking eggs in the microwave (not in the shell!), and the outside edge of the egg blew up while the middle was still raw.  It is far easier to fry them on the stove.

Which led to my cooking eggs for breakfast before heading to church.  It is a good thing that my DH did not go that morning, because I forgot to turn off the burner, and merrily went to church.  He came out when the burning smell reached him in the bedroom.  Boy did I get a talking to when  I got back (justly deserved).

That is all I'm remembering right now.

Copper Horsewoman

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #379 on: December 26, 2014, 02:55:58 PM »

Then there was putting rolls to heat up in the microwave on a plate from my mom's special china - - that had gold leaf as decoration on the dishes.  Dove for the door-open switch as soon as the sparks started.

That is all I'm remembering right now.

Not mine, but a business associate of mine, years ago.  He is Austrian, and very formal/old school.  His wife is American,and at the time they had young children.  In their house, the children were fed at one dinnertime, say around 5ish, and when they went to bed at 8, the parents would have dinner about 8:30.  End B/G.
Hans and Sue were at dinner, when he gets a business phone call, which he takes.  Then, Sue is called away from the table by one of the kids, and goes off to see to them. Hans finishes his call, and hen he got back to the table, Sue is still away from the table. He is a complete non-starter in the kitchen, but he has seen Sue warm up the children's meals on a plate in the microwave, so he figures how hard is that? He puts his plate into the microwave and starts it. SPARKS! NOISE! Hans is about to open the microwave when Sue runs into the kitchen, knocking him out of the way and pulling the plug. The children's dinnerware is plain stoneware.  The adults eat from Pickard (heavily gold-rimmed) china, and you can guess the rest.  The lamb chop bone had welded itself to the plate.

laughtermed

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #380 on: December 26, 2014, 03:22:01 PM »
Adding confectioner's sugar to the gravy thinking it was cornstarch-noticed gravy wouldn't thicken and it tasted weird. DH insisted it was still good. Now I always get Argo cornstarch in the dispenser and gravy has been good since then!

Luci

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #381 on: December 26, 2014, 06:14:09 PM »
I'm supposed to be an experienced cook - at least for packaged stuff.

I got up this morning to get breakfast ready for our sleep-over guests. All the other items were ready to go, but I like to make fresh muffins from the mix. Whipped those babies up and turned the oven up too high. Lucas nicely warned everyone that they were Cookie-Shelled muffins. A surprising amount were eaten.

Last night we had a borderline number of guests: 14. So we had a 10 lb spiral ham, lasagna for 12, cheesy potatoes for 12, plenty of green beans with butter (preferred in this group), Caesar salad, and corn muffins. It is the first time ever that I didn't have leftovers of lasagna and cheesy potatoes. I am so embarrassed. No one went hungry, but still it broke my 55 year old  streak of over enough food.

I had too many brownies. What will happen if I put iced/frosted brownies in the freeze

nutraxfornerves

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #382 on: December 26, 2014, 06:32:14 PM »
I thought for sure I had posted this here, but apparently not.

I grabbed a container of beef stock out of the freezer and thawed it in the microwave just enough so I could slip it out and dump it into the beef stew I was making.

You know how home made stock can turn cloudy if you let it come to a rolling boil and then don't filter it? Well, if you don't add lemon juice to persimmon puree, it turns brown after a while and looks just like that stock.

Then there was the bottle of molasses that fermented during a hot spell and exploded all over a cupboard. It was on the top shelf,so the molasses was able to drip down onto the lower shelves as well.

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

sylviatexas

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #383 on: December 26, 2014, 07:24:46 PM »
'The lamb chop bone had welded itself to the plate.'

There's gotta be some kind of prize for that. ;D

blue2000

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #384 on: December 26, 2014, 08:56:26 PM »

I had too many brownies. What will happen if I put iced/frosted brownies in the freeze

As long as you wrap them well and don't leave them there too long, they will still be yummy.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Celany

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #385 on: January 02, 2015, 10:05:35 AM »
Oh, I have a good one.

When I first moved out on my own, I didn't have a lot of cooking appliances, and I slowly bought them as I made money/found enough recipes that would justify buying various things. I finally bought a blender because I'd found several soup recipes that required pureeing. Up until they, the only experience I had with a blender was my parent's blender. For that blender, when you wanted to remove the glass blender jar from the base, you would turn the blender jar to the right, and then lift off.

So I cooked my soup first (a lovely squash soup), all the veggie ingredients cut into large chunks in the broth, let it cool, fished out the spice bag, then dumped a blender-full into the blender to puree. As I'm pureeing the soup, my cat comes to have a bite to eat. Her bowl is right next to the table that the blender was on. I finish blending, and go to remove the blender jar from the base, so I can dump my pureed soup into a big pot, and puree the next batch. As I'm so used to using my parent's blender, I automatically do what I'd have done with theirs: turn the jar to the right, then lift.

Turns out, this blender jar can just be lifted right off. Turning it to the right unscrewed the glass part of the jar from the bladed bottom of the jar.

When I lifted the jar, all the soup came out of the bottom. And landed on my lower legs & feet. And all over my cat.

Said cat (amazingly) did not run off. She looks up at me, pureed squash soup dripping off of her whole body, and head, and she just has the most amazed look of "what on earth is WRONG with you?!?!?!?!"

We spent the next hour or so in the bathtub together. I did a lot of apologizing. She did a lot of looking offended and meowing in an outraged manner.

I became much more careful about being sure that I knew EXACTLY how to use my kitchen tools after that.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine