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Author Topic: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters  (Read 148056 times)

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Dazi

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #120 on: January 27, 2013, 08:48:18 PM »
I'm actually a pretty good cook and generally a gook baker, but I've had a few baking disasters that come to mind.

1.  Still not sure what happened, but the day before Thanksgiving I had to clean the oven.  I was making pumpkin pies and much of the contents cooked over the pie edge and onto the heating element.  Surprisingly, the pies were Delicious, the resulting mess was not.  I always make sure to put a baking sheet under them now, but it's never happened again.

2.  Chocolate chip cookies that turned into cookie sheet cake.  Still tasted pretty darn good though they looked funny.

Now, I'm telling on some friends...

1.  1/2 tsp of cream of tarter is not 2 tablespoons...made great hockey pucks.
2.  When making your own homemade cream cheese frosting, you cannot use regular granulated sugar for powdered sugar...well, you can, but you need to thoroughly run it through a food processor first.  I don't know how to adequately describe it...it was sticky and grainy and weird.
3.  You have to cook chicpeas prior to making it into hummus.
4.  Do not add salt or tomatoes to beans until they are cooked well, otherwise they become impenetrable to water and remain rock hard.
5.  Don't substitute Cayenne pepper for paprika.  I was the only one who that it was great, everyone else was fighting over the milk.
6.  Buttermilk does not mean milk in butter (I've known several who've done this).  If you do need a substitute for buttermilk, you can pat a tablespoon of white vinegar or lemon juice in a cup and add milk to equal 1 cup, let sit for 5 minutes and use as directed.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





iridaceae

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #121 on: January 28, 2013, 04:49:26 AM »
Years ago I was making tacos and only realized after the fact that I had bought chicken fajita seasoning instead. I thought well, how bad can it be?  Really,  really bad. I tossed all of it.

★************

I am told that my mother- a Finn who emigrated to the US after marrying dad - boiled corn on the cob for hours the first time she cooked it ; she had never seen corn on the cob before.
Nothing to see here.

starofwinter

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #122 on: January 28, 2013, 02:22:59 PM »
I'm usually a decent enough chef, but I'm also incredibly easily distracted. I also like to feed begging animals scraps. This combination resulted in me one night absentmindedly adding the freshly chopped chilly to a hot wok containing only oil and copious amounts of garlic, thereby napalming the everloving Beezus out of myself and the dog. Seriously, a huge cloud rose like a phoenix from the wok, and all my mind did was go "bad move, Nora" before going uselessly and utterly blank. Then the burning started. Dh came running to see what the screams where about and encountered the dog blindly running into walls trying to get out of the kitchen, with me chanting "stupid, stupid, stupid" with my face under the tap, and while he's standing there wondering what we're carrying on about the cloud reaches the doorway.

I do believe we had sandwiches and ointment for dinner that night.

This reminded me of the time my mom tried to make buffalo sauce for my birthday dinner.  No one knows quite what went wrong, but it ended up with the cat in her carrier in the (fenced) backyard while we went to a movie for the next few hours.

Baby Snakes

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #123 on: January 28, 2013, 03:10:11 PM »
Many moons ago when my DH and I were first dating, I invited him over to my apartment for dinner and I decided to make a Shepherd's Pie using my mother's recipe.  Well, he arrived for dinner and I proudly put my casserole dish on the table.  He takes one look at it and says "mashed potatos?"  I told him to dig in and when he saw the meat underneath, he called it Potato Surprise.  To this day, Shepherd's Pie is called Pototo Surprise in our house.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2013, 03:13:05 PM by Baby Snakes »

Baby Snakes

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #124 on: January 28, 2013, 05:55:15 PM »
I don't quite understand, Baby Snakes - what was disastrous about your Shephard's Pie?

Actually I was quite pleased with how well my Shepherd's Pie turned out, but had never heard it referred to as "potato surprise" :)

Miss Tickle

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #125 on: January 28, 2013, 07:58:13 PM »
The first time I tried to stir fry something I did it wrong. Very wrong.  I hadn't tried "frying" so I mixed up deep fry and stir fry. I added about three inches of oil to a Teflon wok and turned it up high. I popped the lid on so it would heat up faster.

I gathered up the ingredients and moved back over to the stove, then lifted the lid. Lucky I pointed it away, or I probably still be missing my eyebrows. I put the lid back on and we (of course there was a witness) took the pot outside to cool off. When I poured off the oil the Teflon went with it. Other than a few scorchmarks we got off easy, we could have burned down the house.

In an epic moment of one-up-manship, the next week (or so, not that long) my MIL ran out to show a house and left a pot on the stove.  Upon her return and discovery, she decided to do what we did, (move the pot) rather than what we should have done (nothing) and poured molten metal all over her kitchen and family room causing tens of thousands of dollars in damage.


The year we had take out Indian for Xmas was good. Invited my Mother over for dinner and spent the day preparing a beautiful stuffed leg of lamb.  It's faster than turkey, and we eat late, so I was planning on popping in the oven about 5:30 with sides to follow.  After preheating the oven I opened the door, reached in with my bare hands, grabbed the oven rack, and pulled it out. Even though it's been twenty years I still remember my exact thought at that moment.  Hm, that should have really hurt.

But no, in an heroic effort to save me from my own stupidity, my noble oven blew itself up to protect me. On Xmas eve, at 5 p.m. Since I didn't know how long I would be ovenless, my Mother took the roast home with her.  She told me it was delicious.

Thipu1

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #126 on: January 29, 2013, 09:02:03 AM »
I don't quite understand, Baby Snakes - what was disastrous about your Shephard's Pie?

Actually I was quite pleased with how well my Shepherd's Pie turned out, but had never heard it referred to as "potato surprise" :)

I'm just surprised he didn't know what Shepherd's Pie is.  It's one of the UK's great gifts to humanity. 

BTW, a local restaurant makes a variation that tops the casserole with Mac and cheese instead of potatoes.  You'd be surprised how much lighter it males the dish. 

pearls n purls

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #127 on: January 29, 2013, 10:47:39 AM »
I bought shepherd's pie at a deli before.  Instead of mashed potatoes, it had some sort of weird bread on top.  Not good.

This isn't so much a disaster, but I find it funny.  When I was a teenager, I decided to make a dessert.  The recipe called for mixing whipping cream with sugar.  The only type of whipped cream I had been exposed to was cool whip, so I emptied the tub of cool whip into a mixing bowl and mixed it with sugar.  It made it a little bit grainy, but it didn't ruin the dessert.


Baby Snakes

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #128 on: January 29, 2013, 11:06:04 AM »
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.

Maybe I need to clarify a bit.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I are American so Shepherd's Pie is not well known here.  I learned how to make it from my Irish mom.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #129 on: January 29, 2013, 03:41:54 PM »
There was the year I was going to make Stollen for Christmas.  I start Christmas Eve, making the dough while staying at my parent's house, the coldest, draftiest house in the world.  It. would. not. rise.  I had to resort to setting the oven to 150, let the door open a few inches, and then placing the dough inside.  It finally rose.

But it been 2 hours by this point, and it just was not a happy dough.  Then, when forming the dough, I was supposed to form 2 braids and pinch them together.  Somehow, one braid was enormous, and the other was tiny.  When I set the small one on top of the large, it looked like an airplane propeller made out of braided dough.

Okay, it is finally done, and although rather propeller like, it smelled good.  I turned my head for a second, and the cat decides to check it out.  So, little kitty nibble marks on one of the propeller blades.  Chase her away, slice away kitty nibble marks, and decide to place it in the oven overnight, with some saran wrap on it.

In the morning, my father decides to turn on the oven first thing (why? - to this day no one knows), and only the smell of saran wrap starting to meld onto it warns us.  But it is on the other propeller, so it is balanced.  We sliced off that.

And after all of that: it was meh.  Not horrible, not great, and certainly not worth the work that went into it.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

lilfox

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #130 on: January 29, 2013, 04:28:33 PM »
Ohh, Baby Snake's boyfriend had never had Shephard's Pie before?  Now I get it.  I thought he was surprised to see it made with mashed potatoes, which is the only way I've ever had it.

Maybe I need to clarify a bit.  My husband (then boyfriend) and I are American so Shepherd's Pie is not well known here.  I learned how to make it from my Irish mom.

At least your Shepherd's Pie was done with the typical ingredients.  What I grew up calling "Shepherd's Pie" is better described as layered turkey casserole (turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, usually Thanksgiving leftovers).  I have no idea why my family called it that - we're all Americans - but it would have come as a big surprise to any UK folks.

I destroyed a roommate's pot once when I put on one serving of pasta to boil and then wandered out to the living room and called my mom while I was waiting.  An hour later I remembered to check...  totally scorched the bottom but fortunately had not yet caught fire.

mmswm

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #131 on: January 29, 2013, 04:46:40 PM »
It is possible to utterly and completely destroy an All-Clad pan.  Lilfox's pasta story reminded me of my oldest son's attempt to cook grits when he was 11.  He put everything together like he was supposed to, but then got distracted for deity knows how long. I was outside working in the yard and came into flames shooting up out of the pan from the burning grits.  He learned his lesson about paying attention when he's cooking.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

jpcher

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #132 on: January 29, 2013, 04:59:20 PM »
Did you know that hard-boiled eggs can explode?

Yup. They can.

Here's the recipe -- put eggs in a pot of boiling water. Take a 3 hour nap. Wake up to loud popping sounds shortly followed by wrath-of-wife and a particularly rancid stench in the air. Enjoy!;D


-- Courtesy of my BIL

JenJay

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #133 on: January 29, 2013, 05:23:51 PM »
Apparently shortly after my parents were married my Mom decided to cook her new husband his favorite breakfast which included crisp bacon. The story goes that Mom had never made bacon before so she fried and fried it, waiting for it to get crispy. Dad came running when the smoke alarm started screaming and explained to her that the bacon gets crispy after it's been removed from the pan, unfortunately it was far too late for the blackened strips she'd made.  ;D

My favorite story to tell on DH (A truly good cook who, to my envy, can create yummy dishes without recipes and correct a recipe beautifully by taste) decided to make orange chicken, except we were out of orange juice, so he used Sunny Delight. It was equal parts sickeningly sweet and bitter.

I have a lovely memory of deciding to make my family a cake from scratch when I was about 10. I recall it was a bit lopsided but pretty good. My Mom, however, recalls that it was extremely dense and chewy, tasted like dust, and she had to shush my brother when he took one bite and said "What is wrong with this?!"


mmswm

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Re: S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters
« Reply #134 on: January 29, 2013, 05:58:36 PM »
My father's favorite story to tell about my mother:

My mother grew up as the oldest of 6 kids: 3 girls and 3 boys.  For a good portion of those years, her parents also cared for some weirdly related sibling group of five, so the household contained 11 kids and two adults.  My mother was responsible for all of the cooking until she got married and moved out of the house. This is the story of their very first meal as a married couple.

My mother was 17 and fresh out of HS.  Quite freshly out, actually.  My father had picked her up on the last day of school and they drove to Charleston, SC, the nearest place with a 24 hour judge that would allow a 17yo to get married without parental consent, got married at 3am and then found a hotel room.  The next day mom found a small apartment while dad found a job.  Both were successful.  Mom wanted to make the meal special, so when they met for lunch and exchanged the good news, she walked to the grocery store while dad got his few friends in the area to help him find some cheap, temporary furniture.  She got to their new apartment and started cooking.  She was cooking what she thought was a small meal. This small meal included:

-10lbs of mashed potatoes
-5lbs of meatloaf
-6 ears of corn
-a 6qt stock pot of collard greens.

Yup, plenty of food for two.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)