S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters

[Thipu1]

Bermuda Sgrikes Back.

On our first visit to Bermuda we fell in love with sherry pepper.  This is a dry sherry infused with hot peppers.  In Bermuda, it's as common on restaurant tables as salt or black pepper. A squirt is delicious in soups, in stews or on pasta.

We brought home several bottles but, eventually, we used them up and couldn't find any locally.   

We'd made infused vinegars for additions to Holiday gifts and thought sherry pepper would be a novel change of pace.  After all, how hard could it be?

After the mixture was packaged up in decorative bottles suitable for gift-giving, a chain reaction much like what happened to my Grandfather's beer took place.  I came home from work to find the kitchen coated in sherry, peppers and shattered glass. 

Since then, we have found it prudent to make a visit to Bermuda every year or two and stock up. 

[Morticia]

A few weeks ago, I made a pork roast with mashed plantains that was wonderful. I have since tried to recreate it, and each time it has turned out horribly. The plantains are dry and tough and never soft enough for a good mashing. I have tried in the oven and the crock pot, and I just cannot make it the way it turned out the first time.

[Nikko-chan]

Bermuda Sgrikes Back.

On our first visit to Bermuda we fell in love with sherry pepper.  This is a dry sherry infused with hot peppers.  In Bermuda, it's as common on restaurant tables as salt or black pepper. A squirt is delicious in soups, in stews or on pasta.

We brought home several bottles but, eventually, we used them up and couldn't find any locally.   

We'd made infused vinegars for additions to Holiday gifts and thought sherry pepper would be a novel change of pace.  After all, how hard could it be?

After the mixture was packaged up in decorative bottles suitable for gift-giving, a chain reaction much like what happened to my Grandfather's beer took place.  I came home from work to find the kitchen coated in sherry, peppers and shattered glass. 

Since then, we have found it prudent to make a visit to Bermuda every year or two and stock up.

How... how did that happen?

[Thipu1]

We don't quite know but we think the problem was the sherry.  It's possible that the peppers we used weren't clean enough and set off some sort of reaction with residual. 

Whatever the problem was, we don't mind making a quick hop to Bermuda every few years.

[DollyPond]

A few weeks ago, I made a pork roast with mashed plantains that was wonderful. I have since tried to recreate it, and each time it has turned out horribly. The plantains are dry and tough and never soft enough for a good mashing. I have tried in the oven and the crock pot, and I just cannot make it the way it turned out the first time.

For plantains to be nice soft and sweet the skins need to go completely black. They may look like they're rotted but they're not.

[Morticia]

^thank you. That is very helpful.

[Katana_Geldar]

Made quiche last night and the milk I put in it instead of cream overflowed and made the quiche stick to the pan. It's happened before, and DH asked me why I used milk when it papered before and I told him I forgot until it happened again!

I even made the edge taller when I blind baked it to get a better edge, b the pastry shrank back. Maybe it's because I rolled it twice as I stuffed it up the first time

[Elisabunny]

Made quiche last night and the milk I put in it instead of cream overflowed and made the quiche stick to the pan. It's happened before, and DH asked me why I used milk when it papered before and I told him I forgot until it happened again!

I even made the edge taller when I blind baked it to get a better edge, b the pastry shrank back. Maybe it's because I rolled it twice as I stuffed it up the first time

Do you use a recipe for any part of the quiche?  If so, write a note to yourself.  My cookbooks are marked up all over the place to remind me of stupid things to do or not to do.

I just discovered a minor disaster.  I made some jelly from our grapes (we actually got a grape harvest! squee! ).  I discovered upon opening the first jar that it did not gel very well.  Plus, it has weird sugar crystal formations throughout that remind me of the Spider Queen's ship in the the Runaway Bride episode of Doctor Who.   It tastes good, though.

[Julian]

Yesterday was an adventure in the kitchen...

It started off like the normal Sunday morning, however I noticed what sounded like a bird stuck in the flue of my wood heater.  I went over, opened it up (expecting to remove the top plate to rescue the bird) but the bird was already down, fiesty as heck and ready to blow the joint!  Probably not helped by Salem the killer kitty watching eagerly.

So the silly bird flew out of the loungeroom into the kitchen, where it proceded to bash itself against the windows trying to escape, chased by the killer kitty and me with a blanket to catch it in.  Anyway, the bird ended up down behind the bins, which live next to another wood heater, an old potbelly stove, which sits on a brick base and which has a brick backing behind it, which sits out about an inch from the wall, held up by metal brackets.

I moved the bins out, ably assisted by KK and by now, Suzi the wonder-mutt.  The bird freaked out (no idea why!    ) and squeezed into the gap behind the brickwork. 

I spend the next several hours of a very hot day trying to get the poor old bird out.  Eventually I had two dogs there, sniffing, yipping and trying frantically to dig through the bricks and floorboards (you weren't helping, girls!), Housemate poking from one side of the gap with a wire, me with a torch trying to see the mad bird.  Eventually I could see it, poor little thing, and used the wire hook (it was a straightened out coat hanger) to hook in behind the bird and gently nudge it forward.

Well, the bird broke free and went flying for the window again, and Guest neatly captured it in a teatowel and then released it back into the wild.

The dogs saw all this go down, watched the bird fly away, and then went back to sniff, growl and yip some more at the brickwork for another couple of hours.

Never a dull moment at Chez Backwater!

(The real kitchen disaster happened later when cooking dinner.  The darned pork roast just would not cook.  Ended up doing Plan C, a bacon, summer vegetable and cream cheese pasta dish which was delicious!  The pork finished around 8:30pm, so guess what's for dinner tonight?)

[Softly Spoken]

*snip*

So here are a few of my favorites...

I once blew up a pyrex pan while baking chicken.  And by "blow up" I mean 10 thousand little pieces that also managed to break the glass window in the oven.

That might not have been your doing. There are many reports of the newer Pyrex baking dishes exploding. Did you report that to the CPSC?

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2011/january/home-garden/glass-cookware/glass-cookware/index.htm

You can also blow up the old stuff, the stuff that's supposed to be indestructible. I had an old original type Pyrex glass 9x13 baking dish that I always made baklava in at Christmas time. One year, I made the sugar+honey syrup ahead of time so it would be ready - you bake the baklava for an hour at a low temp, then pour the syrup over it, then brown it at higher temp for just a few minutes. But after taking the syrup pan off the burner, I forgot to turn it off. I finished the browning, then set the pan to cool on top of the front and back burners, and the back one was still at the low temp for making the syrup. About 15 minutes later, we heard a massive explosion in the kitchen. I think it took us a couple of hours to clean up and find all of the glass.

1) Ooooh, I lost my mom's favorite pyrex 9x13 dish through the temp flux issue  ...I don't even remember what I had cooked in it, but I had taken it out of the oven and ran hot water in it in the sink...then switched to cold water - POW. Shattered. At least it did it in the sink. RIP beloved yellow lasagna pan. 

2) I also consider myself lucky that I didn't start a fire the first time I tried to fry something in oil - I tried to make hush puppies in a regular cooking pot - the oil got really black and smokey. The puppies weren't actually that bad but the clean up was horrible.  Some day I am going to save up and buy a little legitimate counter top deep fryer. 
~*~*~*~*~*~
3) NEAR disaster: I'm putting this here because it is a near mishap involving food and cluelessness: my Dad was trying to clean out the cupboards of misc. foodstuffs. He likes to eat tuna, chicken salad, canned salmon and the like on bread or crackers. He tells me he found an old tin of tuna salad that he's going to eat, probably a gourmet gift from our neighbors who like to travel and send us baskets full of local goodies as thanks for watching their house. I express concern that even canned food has its pull date and he shows me the little container. I confirm the date...but puzzle over not recognizing the brand...it does not have a fish or mermaid as it's logo... ...in fact the black logo next to the name looks like...
 
 
 
 
The silhouette of a cat.
It is gourmet cat food, left over from the year our dearly departed feline was given a special present of her own one Christmas.
Me: "Um Dad? You don't want to eat that..."
Dad: "I'm telling you it's still perfectly good-"
Me: *trying not to stroke out from supressed laughter* "Its. Cat. Food."
Dad:                  "*Unrepeatable on eHell!*"
Me: *can't breathe from laughing*

ETA: the funniest story about food I had.

[Thipu1]

MIL's Kitchen Disaster.

Salt bean milk and Crullers.  MIL remembers this dish from her childhood as something it took the servants a long time to make.  A while back, we discovered an easy way to do it using soft tofu, chicken broth, scallions and a blender.  We can also get the Crullers in a Chinese grocery so we make it quite often for a winter breakfast. 

On a visit,, we brought the ingredients and made it for MIL.  She liked it and said it was very close to what she remembered so we left her a package of Crullers to keep in the freezer and the recipe.

Rather than use soft tofu, she decided that soy milk would work just as well.  It was a mistake.  Like
many soy milks, the one she used is a little sweet.   This did NOT make a good mix with the soy sauce, sesame oil, pickles and scallions that are usually served with the dish. 

[ica171]

snip

2) I also consider myself lucky that I didn't start a fire the first time I tried to fry something in oil - I tried to make hush puppies in a regular cooking pot - the oil got really black and smokey. The puppies weren't actually that bad but the clean up was horrible.  Some day I am going to save up and buy a little legitimate counter top deep fryer. 
~*~*~*~*~*~

We bought a countertop fryer from Wal-Mart for I think $30. It might be a Fry Daddy, I'm not sure. But we love it. Every once in a while we have what we call Fry Days, where we fry up a bunch of different stuff. Chicken, donuts, french fries, pizza rolls, funnel cake, etc etc. It's delicious but not at all healthy, which is why it only happens 3-4 times a year.

[mandycorn]

I had my first kitchen disaster in a while the other day.

I started making rice in the usual way, adding rice to cold water and putting it on a fairly high heat to bring it to a boil. So far so good, but then I had a somewhat upsetting phone call, which I took in the living room. About 15 minutes later, I noticed the air was getting a little thick and realized I'd forgotten the rice! I had about a quarter of an inch of absolutely black rice burned to the bottom of my sauce pan!

And the worst part is that I opened a bunch of windows and turned off the heater to try to air out the house and forgot to turn the heater back on before I went to bed! It was 59 degrees the next morning when I realized what I had done!

[AustenFan]

Add me to the list of those who have blown up a Pyrex baking dish., but it was entirely due to my own stupidity.

I used to spend Sunday afternoon baking, and was once making a s'more pie and cinnamon buns. When I finished with the chocolate mixture for the pie I forget to turn the burner off, which I discovered about 10 minutes after I pulled the buns out of the oven and placed them on the burner to cool. The smell of burning wafted into the living room, when I went to investigate the syrup on the cinnamon buns was black and boiling up between them. I still don't understand what the heck I was thinking, but I lifted the buns to see how badly burned the bottom of the dish was, and it exploded right as I got it to where I could see under it, spraying burning cinnamon buns, boiling brown sugar syrup and hot glass all over my kitchen, ceiling and down my shirt, where it collected in my bra. Had I not been wearing my glasses I'm sure I'd have been blinded, they were scratched beyond saving and I burned my chest where I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough.

I stood sobbing in the middle of my kitchen for a couple minutes, and spent the next week vacuuming up broken glass and steaming sugar syrup off the counters, tile and ceiling. I never could get the grout and ceiling completely clean.

[clio917]

Ouch, AustenFan! Scary.
We managed to explode a Pyrex dish once, cooking (expensive) tuna steaks. We (I say we, but it was really DH) accidentally switched the oven over to broil instead of turning it off, left the dish in the oven for a few minutes - so it got super hot - then set it on the room temp glass cooktop. The dish luckily exploded into relatively dull large pieces, so we rinsed the stupid tuna steaks and ate them anyway. Of course, I spent a few days picking fused glass shards off my kitchen rug, but it didn't do too much damage.