S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters

[ladyknight1]

If you mix the cooked potato with the melted butter first, the butter coats the starch molecules and helps keep them from becoming gluey when the dairy is added. I learned that from America's Test Kitchen over a decade ago, and it has served me well.

[Specky]

Turd bread.

Made a loaf of bread yesterday in the bread machine using freshly ground spelt berries, so some extra effort and glorious expectations.  This is not the first time, and this recipe has worked before.  My yeast must have been dead, though it was within dates.  What I wound up with was a collection of nuggets that look like animal poops.  My kids and DH say it tastes great, though.  Wish I could post a picture.

[Dazi]

I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.

[turtleIScream]

My garlic paste...isn't. For some reason, my tried and proven recipe didn't work, and I just have a runny garlicky, lemony mess. To make it worse, I used up my olive oil, so I can't even start over.

[gramma dishes]

My garlic paste...isn't. For some reason, my tried and proven recipe didn't work, and I just have a runny garlicky, lemony mess. To make it worse, I used up my olive oil, so I can't even start over.

Is there any possibility that if you left it sitting open for a few minutes, enough liquid might evaporate to get it back closer to the consistency you were aiming for?

[Diane AKA Traska]

I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.

I have never used a potato masher or a spoon, all I've ever used is a hand mixer or a stand mixer.

[Layla Miller]

I did almost exactly what you recommended with one minor difference.  I whipped the potatoes using an electric whisk because neither one of us can mash potatoes without lumps.  They were standard white potatoes.

Electric mixer=glue potatoes

Maybe not all the time, but IME, a lot of the time.  If you must use an electric mixer, stir in the butter and some of the milk by hand with a big wooden spoon FIRST, then use the mixer on LOW ONLY for no more than about a minute.

I have never used a potato masher or a spoon, all I've ever used is a hand mixer or a stand mixer.

Same here.  In fact, a few weeks ago the mixer beaters were in the dishwasher, so I had to dig out the potato masher...and the mashed potatoes tasted worse than usual.  Maybe we have magic hand mixers. 

[Pen^2]

I decided to get myself a sandwich two days ago. The butter in the fridge was rock-solid (normally I let it sit on the counter a while in advance), so I thought I'd microwave it briefly. I've done this before. Unfortunately, the particular brand of butter we happened to have two days ago had aluminium in its wrapper. I didn't realise this until the fireworks started 

Not my finest moment. I cleaned it all up, but felt like an absolute dunce. The butter was taken out of the charred wrapper and is now in a microwave-safe tupperware container.

[Kimblee]

OK, so UK based mashed potato advice coming up:

Buy maris piper or King Edward potatoes as a preference (Eddies also roast well), but at a pinch any supermarket bag of white potatoes will do. 

Peel your potatoes and chop into "reasonable" sized pieces - about the same size as a plum is good.  This tends to be eighths for bigger potatoes and quarters for smaller potatoes.  Allow about ten chunks of potato per person (unless they're mashed-potato-aholics like my DH and I, when you increase by at least twice!).  Put into cold water and (as above) rinse rinse rinse. 

Take a saucepan that gives the potatoes enough room to move about - my favourite mashed potato pan has a diameter that is the same size as the gap between my elbow and wrist (it takes 2 US quarts, according to the scale inside it!) (sorry, I can't put my hand on a measuring device at the moment) and put the potatoes in with enough COLD water to cover them by about a centimetre.  This will probably be level with the handle on the pan.  Add a little salt to the water if you want to.  (This is not essential and I usually leave it out).

Put the pan on a high heat until the potatoes start to boil.  This will take about ten minutes or so.  Once you've got a nice rolling boil, put a lid on the pan and turn the heat down to halfway.  Cook the potatoes for a further fifteen minutes or so.

At this point, the potatoes should fall off a fork if pronged.  If they don't, put the lid back on and re-check every minute or so. 

Drain the potatoes.

Mash them roughly (I use a ricer as it's easier with my disabilities but a hand masher works fine if you have the stamina), and add a big splash of milk.  Mix this in with a wooden spoon.  Add a couple of big curls of butter.  Mix again with the wooden spoon.  At this point, you should have a nice smooth, creamy mashed potato.  At this point, add ground black pepper if you want to. 

You can buy Smash (in Morrisons, where I shop, it's in the bit next to the oxo cubes) still - it's definitely improved since the bad old "smash martian" days.

Oh the evil ricer...

Every thanksgiving my lovely stepgrandmother threw a big dinner. With riced potatoes since they are apparently a tradition with their family.

And every year, I mistoke them for rice, spooned some onto my plate, took a bite and got awful, unseasoned, unflavored in any way, potato. And had to keep from making a face. I don't eat gravy so there wasn;t even that to help it go down.

I'm still leary of anything involving the ricer.

[Amara]

In post #268 I described the damage I had done to my Le Crueset skillet. Today I heard back from the company with this suggestion, which I thought would be good to share:

We would recommend using a laundry detergent such as tide or one that has an enzyme in it. Make a mixture of one part detergent and three parts water to fill the interior of the vessel. Allow this to boil for about 5-7 minutes. Afterwards, allow to the vessel to cool and proceed with cleaning with your dish detergent. If needed, you may use a nylon or plastic scrubby to assist. Once your item has been cleaned, lightly coat the interior with white vinegar using a soft cloth or paper towel. This step is used to return some of the sheen back to the glaze. The longer you allow the vinegar to remain on the enamel the more of the sheen it will bring. Your item can be stored away with the vinegar on it until next use. When ready to use, wash and dry.

If the enamel is damaged and you reside within the USA you may provide the number or letter located under the item to be offered a replacement at a reduced cost with the damaged item returned.

[Snooks]

I decided to get myself a sandwich two days ago. The butter in the fridge was rock-solid (normally I let it sit on the counter a while in advance), so I thought I'd microwave it briefly. I've done this before. Unfortunately, the particular brand of butter we happened to have two days ago had aluminium in its wrapper. I didn't realise this until the fireworks started 

Not my finest moment. I cleaned it all up, but felt like an absolute dunce. The butter was taken out of the charred wrapper and is now in a microwave-safe tupperware container.

I did that the first time I cooked Christmas dinner.

[KimberlyM]

The first time I made Christmas dinner I left the turkey neck and gibblets in the turkey...didn't know they were there!

[southern girl]

The first time I made Thanksgiving dinner, I couldn't FIND the darn giblets.  I looked in the turkey, got the plastic bag out of the trash -- couldn't find them.  Okay, then.  Roasted the turkey and made giblet gravy without giblets.  It wasn't until I was tearing the turkey apart to refrigerate that I found the giblets -- under the skin of the turkey, beneath one of the wings!  Not exactly a disaster, but it was just really strange.

[RebeccainGA]

The first time I made Thanksgiving dinner, I couldn't FIND the darn giblets.  I looked in the turkey, got the plastic bag out of the trash -- couldn't find them.  Okay, then.  Roasted the turkey and made giblet gravy without giblets.  It wasn't until I was tearing the turkey apart to refrigerate that I found the giblets -- under the skin of the turkey, beneath one of the wings!  Not exactly a disaster, but it was just really strange.

It's for just this reason that many turkey processors I've encountered recently (last five years or so) have been putting the giblets in a paper pouch instead of plastic - if it's roasted with the turkey, no harm done to giblets or turkey, unlike a plastic bag that would ruin it all.

They idiot-proofed thawing, in other words. LOL

[Thuringwethyl]

Not my story but my Mom's.

My Mom is a reasonably good cook and tried very hard to feed us healthy, nutritious food growing up (not that I appreciated that then ). One of the dishes that we all loved was her chicken soup which she made from scratch. She has alway been thrifty and would freeze the meat stock she collected along with fruit from our garden, including the lemon juice squeezed from our trees.

Note: lemon juice and chicken stock look very similar if one is in a hurry, especially if they are stored in dark tupperware containers.

So one night we all sat down to dinner. It had been a long, frustrating day for my parents and the entire family was looking forward to the comfort of Mom's chicken soup. She spooned up bowls for my sister and me and told us to start eating while she took care of my father's and her portions. My sister and I took one bite and knew something was Very Very Wrong. My Dad saw our expressions and immediately took us to task - didn't we know how hard my mother worked? Shame on us for being so picky! Then my mother sat down, he got his bowl, and he took his first bite.
My Dad's mouth puckered involuntarily. The expression originated from his lips and rippled along his face, finally settling somewhere behind his ears. My Mom's face matched his.

There is nothing that can be done to rescue chicken soup that had lemon juice substituted for chicken stock. Everything tasted of lemon and nothing else, the chicken, the noodles, and the vegetables. My sister and I ended up adding sugar and whipped cream and the story of Lemon Meringue Soup became family legend.