S/O Proud kitchen moments -- Kitchen disasters

[Shalamar]

Off-topic, but I found out why my husband was a bit of a slob when I first met him, and also why he rarely notices a mess.  One glance at my MIL's fridge told me the whole story. 

I have to admit, it's kind of nice to not have to keep a pristine house at all times.  He doesn't notice, and I don't care. 

[greencat]

t's amazing how many of my mid-twenties cohort of suitors think I'm an absolute goddess because I can actually cook while they grew up on take-out and box mixes.

I made bread from scratch, but I failed to properly knead the dough.  It turned out pretty good but ended up a bit denser and flatter than I was anticipating.  The garlic rosemary bread turned out best, probably because I kneaded the spices into it.  I'm just going to pretend that I MEANT for my burger buns to be like those fancy "flat" buns they sell in the grocery store though...

[Aunt4God]

I neglected to account for all the sources of salt going into a casserole and added extra salt to it.  I had to toss it out because it just wasn't edible.

I did the same thing to a much lesser degree making paella - I used cooking wine in the pre-seasoned rice and forgot that both of those things are salted already.  That was still edible though.

I had more of a kitchen mishap than a disaster.  A small sheet of dough for cinnamon rolls does not need an entire stick of butter to make the cinnamon filling.  I ended up making kind of a cinnamon strudel? when the dough wasn't enough to contain the filling and kind of fell apart around it when I tried to roll it.  I just plopped it into a square glass pan and baked it that way and then cut it into squares at the end - still tastes good!

For soup or liquidy items that get over salted, take a potato and peel it and cut it in half.  Then drop the pieces in the liquid and let it cook for awhile.  When ready to eat, pull the potato out and toss it in the trash.  It should absorb a lot of the salt and make it more edible.

My most recent uh-oh in the kitchen was with my mother's old (I mean old) candy thermometer.  I was heating up oil that needed to reach a specific heat, and my metal meat thermometer didn't go high enough to measure it.  I rinsed that off in cold water and got out my candy thermometer to measure it.  Once it hit the right temp, I pulled it out and rinsed it off.....yep, in cold water....the second I stuck it under, I said "oh no" in my head.  Instant crackage, right at the bottom where the bulb attaches.  Thankfully the metal inside instantly hardened also, so it didn't make a huge mess, but I'm so disappointed to lose my mom's candy thermometer like that.  :-(

[Shalamar]

The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   

[jpcher]

The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   

My DDs are pretty good . . . they'll sit on the couch watching TV, be on their phone, computer whatever and when the buzzer goes off they will yell, repeatedly, at the top of their lungs "BUZZER!" Yeah, it's pretty hard to miss that.

[Diane AKA Traska]

The "I'm not eating that!" thread reminded me of a disaster that happened a few years ago (apologies if I've told this one before).

I was baking banana bread, and I'd set the oven timer for 60 minutes.  I then went downstairs to do some chores, and I lost track of time.  I thought "Hmm, wonder if the banana bread is done yet", and I poked my head up the stairs.  Didn't hear the timer going off, so I went back to what I was doing. 

About 20 minutes later, I thought "SURELY it's got to be done by now!  Why haven't I heard the timer?".  I went upstairs, only to be greeted by black smoke and the awful smell of burned banana bread.

Turned out that my teenage daughter, annoyed by the sound of the oven timer, just turned it off.  Didn't turn off the oven, didn't tell me the bread was ready, nothing.  Grr.   

EvilDiane would have suggested that she eat every bite, but that's why she's kept in her cage.

[Lady Snowdon]

Once, and only once, did my mom give me the instructions "When the timer goes off, just turn the timer off".  In her head, she completed the sentence with "and call me and take the pan out of the oven".  Since I'm not telepathic, I just did exactly what she said, and not what she thought she said.  The meatloaf was so dried out that we needed steak knives to saw through it!   

My mom now generally clarifies what needs to be done with food in the oven when the timer goes off, and if she doesn't, I know to ask for additional information!

[Chipmunky]

Sorry to bump this up, but I read amandaelizabeth's posts via links from the Misc Holiday Stories, and had to share these two...both caused/created by my mother.

Went to visit friends. Friends had recently remodeled their kitchen. Kitchen is now expensive, but Mom is helping with meal prep. Mom opens oven after learning Friend's mother put bread in there, but forgot to take it out 10 minutes ago. WOOOSH. Flaming bread bits are everywhere, and the cupboard and ceiling above the oven (both done in a pale, pale wood) are now very scorched, blackish brown.

Second time. We live in a hurricane path state. 2004, we have multiple storms come through in August/September. We lose power, but not to worry, we're prepared for this with a cooler for the perishables. Dad decides he wants hot dogs. Mind you, it's still raining/windy. But we've a covered porch, and a new little table top grill. I am told to start that puppy up, as I'm off to college in a year and need to know how to take care of this stuff for myself (my Dad was previously always the grill master). Mom sees me preparing everything, tells me I didn't use enough lighter fluid, squirts on about a third of the bottle, and lights the match. We're lucky it didn't explode, but Mom got a slightly different hairstyle and didn't have to tweeze her brows for a month from the ensuing blast of flames.

We now just do PB and Js.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Sorry to bump this up, but I read amandaelizabeth's posts via links from the Misc Holiday Stories, and had to share these two...both caused/created by my mother.

Went to visit friends. Friends had recently remodeled their kitchen. Kitchen is now expensive, but Mom is helping with meal prep. Mom opens oven after learning Friend's mother put bread in there, but forgot to take it out 10 minutes ago. WOOOSH. Flaming bread bits are everywhere, and the cupboard and ceiling above the oven (both done in a pale, pale wood) are now very scorched, blackish brown.

Second time. We live in a hurricane path state. 2004, we have multiple storms come through in August/September. We lose power, but not to worry, we're prepared for this with a cooler for the perishables. Dad decides he wants hot dogs. Mind you, it's still raining/windy. But we've a covered porch, and a new little table top grill. I am told to start that puppy up, as I'm off to college in a year and need to know how to take care of this stuff for myself (my Dad was previously always the grill master). Mom sees me preparing everything, tells me I didn't use enough lighter fluid, squirts on about a third of the bottle, and lights the match. We're lucky it didn't explode, but Mom got a slightly different hairstyle and didn't have to tweeze her brows for a month from the ensuing blast of flames.

We now just do PB and Js.

Slightly off topic, but this allows you to forgo lighter fluid altogether:

http://www.amazon.com/Weber-7416-Rapidfire-Chimney-Starter/dp/B000WEOQV8

I bought one this summer, and I will never go back to how things were!

[Chipmunky]

Slightly off topic, but this allows you to forgo lighter fluid altogether:

http://www.amazon.com/Weber-7416-Rapidfire-Chimney-Starter/dp/B000WEOQV8

I bought one this summer, and I will never go back to how things were!
[/quote]

I bought one of those last February for my husband to go with his new grill  After tasting how well he does steaks, my folks don't like to grill without him. 

[ladyknight1]

I love our chimney starter I hate it when my neighbors use their grill as he uses half a bottle of lighter fluid.

Not quite a disaster, but I forgot how quickly pumpkin puree and custard for pies can become airborne. I'm still finding splats of orange.

[knitwicca]

I am glad this thread was revived.

In 1986, I was married to a man who loved, adored, thrived on the spiciest food he could find.
Our daughter and I like spicy but not make-you-sweat spicy.

One evening after a rough day at work, I was making chili.  As things were simmering, I took out my contacts.  Then I started to add spices....I am extremely nearsighted and thought I grabbed a container of chili powder. It was cayenne. An entire box of cayenne in a 2-quart pot of chili.

That evening, my daughter and I had nachos for dinner.  Then-husband swore there was no such thing as "too spicy".   He gave up after the third mouthful and joined us for nachos.

[mmswm]

Don't set wooden spoons on the stove.  This is especially important if you have a gas stove. 

I need to go buy more wooden spoons.

[Specky]

I was fixing supper and putting dishes away at the same time.  I had a stack of bowls next to the cooktop that I was getting ready to put back in the cabinets during breaks in cooking.

I opened the freezer door to get something and found myself eye to eye with a giant isopod http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg/330px-Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg  (the one that is about a foot long)

I shrieked and threw myself backwards, running into the stack of bowls, losing my balance and doing the hard sit down while bowls rained down around me and onto the cooktop.  Something spilled and there was a large puddle of slippery on the floor.  My husband heard the cacophony and came running.  He hit the goo puddle and slalomed the length of the kitchen until he ran into my legs and fell down.  He looked up and saw the freezer door standing open and said, "Oh.  I forgot to tell you."

We ended up with a couple of broken bowls, and the glass cooktop was cracked as well when a bowl landed on it.  Never could get eau de isopod out of the freezer, so we ended up having to replace it as well.

[greencat]

I was fixing supper and putting dishes away at the same time.  I had a stack of bowls next to the cooktop that I was getting ready to put back in the cabinets during breaks in cooking.

I opened the freezer door to get something and found myself eye to eye with a giant isopod http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg/330px-Bathynomus_giganteus.jpg  (the one that is about a foot long)

I shrieked and threw myself backwards, running into the stack of bowls, losing my balance and doing the hard sit down while bowls rained down around me and onto the cooktop.  Something spilled and there was a large puddle of slippery on the floor.  My husband heard the cacophony and came running.  He hit the goo puddle and slalomed the length of the kitchen until he ran into my legs and fell down.  He looked up and saw the freezer door standing open and said, "Oh.  I forgot to tell you."

We ended up with a couple of broken bowls, and the glass cooktop was cracked as well when a bowl landed on it.  Never could get eau de isopod out of the freezer, so we ended up having to replace it as well.

...I hesitate to ask, but did your husband put that thing in the freezer?