General Etiquette > Life...in general

Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15 , 37 and 78

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gena264:
I have a friend I have known since I was a kid. We recently reconnected on facebook and have had fun chatting and playing Words With Friends. He gets flirtatious once in awhile , but I don't think anything of it. I see him as an older brother. In the past year or so he has been asking to talk on the phone instead of chatting in email or on WWF. I have explained to him many times that I don't care for chatting on the phone. Today though, I feel he really crossed a line.

We were chatting in the WWF chat and playing the game when he made a joke about something (what it was is not important to the story). I replied back something like , "lol I'll take your word for it :) ". He then replied , " You haven't a choice in the matter. You are a HERMIT who RARELY goes out or calls anyone let alone friends or me. I'm the one who enjoys life in every meaning of the word, who explores the outer world and travels about freely...makes calls and LOVES PEOPLE. So you see my dear friend ,your voice and opinion is moot til you step up and join the rest of us on earth. :) " "dear". yes he used a smiley face and called me 'dear'.

I replied "lol I am not a hermit , I go out quite a bit. I just simply do not enjoy talking on the phone." "And I enjoy life very much."

He replied ," You should really talk to someone . You need to seek help for that phobia of yours. It's not right/ It makes you out to be antisocial my friend"

I replied " I don't have a phobia "  He then replied " Your behavior says something else. " I replied " well you are entitled to your opinion" . He replied " I don't know what else to say except weird attracts weird , like peanut butter and jelly , milk and cookies. I think it's weird not to talk on the phone" I replied ok.

Do you think he was out of line and/or insulting or am I being sensitive? I think I followed proper etiquette in my responses.  I am not sure how I feel about even talking to him again at this point .

wheeitsme:
Erm...I hate to talk on the phone.  And it's not a phobia.  I'm phobic of falling from heights.  I just don't like the experience of the phone.  One is a preference and one isn't.

I try not to be too sensitive.  And I succeed most of the time.  Your "friend's" attitude is insulting. 

CrochetFanatic:
I also hate talking on the phone, and I do have a social phobia.  Yes, I would find this very insulting, and I've gotten similar lectures from my know-it-all uncle.  "You can't live your life as a shut-in."  Can, will, and am.

Yes, I would be insulted, not to mention hurt.  You handled it much better than I would (and did).  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and he is not respecting yours.  As for what you should do?  Well...I couldn't say.  A cooling-off period to get your head in a calmer place might help, but others with wiser heads than mine might have something better.

oceanus:
Of course he was insulting you.  I think you know that - no, you are not being too sensitive.

What I do not understand is why you replied to his insulting rant (actually it was an attack, his "dear" was sarcasm, and so was his :) - and you prefaced it with "lol". ???  There was nothing to "lol" about, and you should not have justified yourself.

He's angry because you don't want to get closer/talk on phone.  He is the one who has issues - he clearly does not handle rejection well.

I'd drop him.  Unfriend/block, and ignore.

Aeris:
He's being a *giant* jack-knave. He's being insulting, dismissive, condescending, the whole gamut. He's also being really manipulative and bullying. He wants you to talk on the phone. You don't want to. So he tells you that you are sick, have a phobia, are sad and pathetic. The only way to prove to him that you are NOT sad and pathetic is to do want he wants - talk on the phone.

You could confront him about it, but honestly people who talk like this aren't going to believe they've done anything wrong, and they will continue to talk to you like they are patting you on the head. By the end of the confrontation, they might have even temporarily convinced you that you *do* have a problem and that he's actually superior to you.

If you confront him, don't do it with an attitude of trying to convince him he's wrong - that puts you in the position of looking for approval from him. Just tell him he's being a jerk, and that you don't need jerks in your life. If he apologizes, and stops being a jerk, then you could give him another chance.

If you don't confront him and continue socializing with him, you're just letting him know that talking to you like that is perfectly acceptable.

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