Author Topic: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15 , 37 and 78  (Read 10338 times)

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gena264

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting?
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2013, 08:54:15 PM »
Well he just sent me an email.  He noticed that I resigned from our games on WWF and he said , "you are alright ? nothing has happened to you , yes? " ...I really have no idea what to say to him. I am not too good with confrontation. I am either too emotional or I am too forgiving when I know deep down I shouldn't be.

snowdragon

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2013, 08:57:54 PM »
Ignore, ignore, ignore. Block him have your email filter delete his emails  and don't concern yourself with him anymore

DottyG

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2013, 09:24:47 PM »
Well he just sent me an email.  He noticed that I resigned from our games on WWF and he said , "you are alright ? nothing has happened to you , yes? " ...I really have no idea what to say to him. I am not too good with confrontation. I am either too emotional or I am too forgiving when I know deep down I shouldn't be.

If this is a friend, it's possible to just talk to him outright (even over email) and explain that what he did upset you and that you felt hurt.

This is another case where all the "drop him immediately" advice could be over the top. Only you can decide that. If you want to be friends with him, just tell him you're hurt.

If we dropped everyone that ever hurt us (that we could talk to and resolve differences with*), we'd be completely alone in life. People hurt us. It's a sad fact of life. But, then, we hurt others ourselves, too.



* Again, that's a personal decision that only you can make. You need to decide if its a friendship you still want and can fix by talking things out. To me, this sounds like someone you've had a disagreement with but still care for in some way - "I have a friend I have known since I was a kid. We recently reconnected on facebook and have had fun chatting and playing Words With Friends. He gets flirtatious once in awhile , but I don't think anything of it. I see him as an older brother."




« Last Edit: January 20, 2013, 09:26:18 PM by DottyG »

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2013, 09:34:04 PM »
Given he's an old friend, I wouldn't necessarily cut him off. But I certainly wouldn't reply to that particular email he sent.

And yes, I think he was being insulting. I personally would have replied with something like "Dude, what gives? Why this diatribe?"

CharlieBraun

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2013, 09:36:45 PM »
When I was in high school, the favorite way that boys used to respond to being refused a date was by responding: "So you must be a lesbian."  Because, you know, that would be a way to "put me in my place" and for me to eagerly prove my state of straightness by immediately agreeing to date them - no matter their state of troglodyte.

This was the same kind of "dare."
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Tea Drinker

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting?
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2013, 10:03:01 PM »
Well he just sent me an email.  He noticed that I resigned from our games on WWF and he said , "you are alright ? nothing has happened to you , yes? " ...I really have no idea what to say to him. I am not too good with confrontation. I am either too emotional or I am too forgiving when I know deep down I shouldn't be.

You could tell him the truth: "Yes, something happened to me: a person I thought was a friend insulted me repeatedly because I don't share his preferences in socializing. I'm taking a few days to decide what to do now." And then take those days, and don't answer anything else from him until then.

Given the condescension and attempted bullying, you're probably better off without him, but I don't know what you were getting from the friendship.
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magician5

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2013, 10:10:04 PM »
Insulted? Hurt? Do you really need any of us to tell you what to feel? Because he was trying to tell you what to feel, declaring that you have no right to your boundaries, and trying in a very forceful way to bully you into giving up your very reasonable boundaries in this rel*tionship.

I think you might better move on and cease contact ... it's a great big wonderful world out there with plenty of more respectful people in it.
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oceanus

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2013, 10:35:24 PM »
I don’t see this as a simple case of advising OP to adopt the attitude “He hurt me, so I’ll drop him.  And I’ll drop anyone and everyone who hurts me.”  I don’t do that nor do I know anyone else who does that.

I read his rant several times (also the LAME comment...another insult).  I find it not only insulting, but presumptuous and a bit disturbing.  I see him as a manipulative bully.

If she can overlook it, if she is getting a lot of positive things from the friendship, and if this was an aberration, maybe she should give him another chance.  However, I don’t see it that way, (I think there will be more problems), and I would stop justifying my life to him and cease contact with him.  As far as "being alone", it's a huge world online and off, (OP has other friends) and she can make/maintain more friendships without putting up with this garbage.


« Last Edit: January 20, 2013, 10:40:35 PM by oceanus »

Iris

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting?
« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2013, 10:50:37 PM »
Well he just sent me an email.  He noticed that I resigned from our games on WWF and he said , "you are alright ? nothing has happened to you , yes? " ...I really have no idea what to say to him. I am not too good with confrontation. I am either too emotional or I am too forgiving when I know deep down I shouldn't be.

You could tell him the truth: "Yes, something happened to me: a person I thought was a friend insulted me repeatedly because I don't share his preferences in socializing. I'm taking a few days to decide what to do now." And then take those days, and don't answer anything else from him until then.

Given the condescension and attempted bullying, you're probably better off without him, but I don't know what you were getting from the friendship.

This. Based on what you have told us about him (including the LAME comment) I personally would want to have nothing to do with him. But I don't know him and you do. Presuming you were gaining something positive from the relationship and want to continue it, I like Tea Drinker's reply AND the suggestion that you ignore anything further until you've worked through things at your own pace. I would also add that how he responds to such an email would have a huge bearing on whether or not I chose to continue the friendship.

FWIW I am a very social person and really don't enjoy the phone at all, ever. I make the minimum calls that I have to.
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Rusty

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #24 on: January 20, 2013, 11:37:45 PM »
It sounds to me that on some level you would like to continue the online relationship, but have him stop the insults, which I see more as sarcasm.  There are people around unfortunately that, once they think they are close to you, think its okay to adopt a sarcastic, jokey kind of humour, almost as if you should get it because you get them.   I think he seems disturbed that you are keeping the relationship at an online level and is trying to provoke you to get closer.   If you want to continue with him I think I would just tell him exactly how his comments make you feel.  If he apologises, you can move on.  If not, well he probably isn't worth the worry.

jedikaiti

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting?
« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2013, 11:42:20 PM »
Well he just sent me an email.  He noticed that I resigned from our games on WWF and he said , "you are alright ? nothing has happened to you , yes? " ...I really have no idea what to say to him. I am not too good with confrontation. I am either too emotional or I am too forgiving when I know deep down I shouldn't be.

You could tell him the truth: "Yes, something happened to me: a person I thought was a friend insulted me repeatedly because I don't share his preferences in socializing. I'm taking a few days to decide what to do now." And then take those days, and don't answer anything else from him until then.

Given the condescension and attempted bullying, you're probably better off without him, but I don't know what you were getting from the friendship.

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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #26 on: January 21, 2013, 12:14:55 AM »
"I just wouldn't feel right playing Words With Friends with someone who doesn't treat me like one."
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artk2002

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2013, 01:06:51 AM »
You have different modes of communication. You like text/e-mail and he prefers the phone. Nothing wrong there, other than an incompatibility. What's wrong is insulting your preference and stating outright that he thinks it's a mental problem. If he's so inflexible about how he thinks that people should communicate, then I'd disconnect from him ASAP.

Life is too short to spend it trying to justify ourselves to people who can't understand that not everybody's the same and that their way isn't the only way for "normal" people to work.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Amava

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2013, 08:12:45 AM »
So he has noticed, and he has mailed to ask what is wrong?

I would be honest with him and tell him he did quite a bit of overstepping.
Tell him truthfully you felt he was not respecting you and that he came off as manipulative, judgemental and condescending.

If you would like to continue playing WWF with him, and chatting with him online, without being badgered about talking on the phone or meeting up, then just tell him so.

Then see what he replies.

ettiquit

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Re: Would You Find This Insulting? UPDATE #15
« Reply #29 on: January 21, 2013, 09:09:11 AM »
I'd go ahead and be honest with him.  You don't need to make it a huge deal, but let him know that what he said was insulting and that an aversion to the phone is actually pretty common (I have one) and nothing for him to be concerned about.