"I'm Sorry, but" is Not Really an Apology

[Twik]

Example:  A discussion about movies………..someone says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”  Well, that’s fine; You have your opinions.  But the “I’m sorry” isn’t necessary’ it doesn’t even make sense.  Just say “I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”

I'm sorry, but it means "I'm sorry to disagree with you, although we normally are of one accord".

 

[onyonryngs]

You called him already frustrated and you already know that sometimes he uses jokes/sarcasm unsuccessfully to diffuse a situation.  It's not a matter of who was right or wrong - it's a relationship issue.  You were stressed - he tried to make a joke and it fell flat.  This doesn't make him the bad guy in the situation, but I understand the need to vent. 

[oceanus]

Example:  A discussion about movies………..someone says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”  Well, that’s fine; You have your opinions.  But the “I’m sorry” isn’t necessary’ it doesn’t even make sense.  Just say “I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”

I'm sorry, but it means "I'm sorry to disagree with you, although we normally are of one accord".

No, actually in this example and others I could cite the "I'm sorry, but" often comes before anyone has expressed an opinion.  In the Brad Pitt example, the person was the first to speak, and I never said what I thought about the movie or his acting.  For all they knew maybe I detest Brad Pitt, so the "I'm sorry" is presumptuous and pointless.

And, I don't feel it's necessary to apologize for disagreeing with someone - especially when the discussion is about something so innocuous as a movie/actor's talent.  As far as normally being in accord, that's not trur either because I had just met the person and haven't seen the person since.

While I realize your assertion might apply in some cases, it's not always applicable.

[BeagleMommy]

Bopper, I have lows very rarely.  DH usually only has to do the testing for me when this happens.  The original device has still not reappeared, but I bought a new one the day the original vanished so I'm not doing without.

DH and I are working through his use of humor to diffuse situations.  If I'm angry/upset with other people it usually helps.  When I'm angry/upset with him it usually falls flat.  He just hasn't learned the difference.

[VorFemme]

Let him know that instead of defusing the situation - attempts at humor LIGHT your fuse and clip it shorter, as well.

[bopper]

Bopper, I have lows very rarely.  DH usually only has to do the testing for me when this happens.  The original device has still not reappeared, but I bought a new one the day the original vanished so I'm not doing without.

DH and I are working through his use of humor to diffuse situations.  If I'm angry/upset with other people it usually helps.  When I'm angry/upset with him it usually falls flat.  He just hasn't learned the difference.

My DH thinks he is funny too.   If he actually is funny I make sure to laugh and say "good one".  Otherwise he gets the look.

[bopper]

“I’m sorry, but” is definitely not an apology.

People toss out “I’m sorry, but” needlessly. 

Example:  A discussion about movies………..someone says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”  Well, that’s fine; You have your opinions.  But the “I’m sorry” isn’t necessary’ it doesn’t even make sense.  Just say “I don’t think Brad Pitt is a good actor.”

I think the "I'm sorry" is a phrase that is used to soften the sentence.
Like the different between "Come here" and "Would you come here please?"
Same thing but one is a command and one is a request.
So in this case it is the difference between coming across as You Are Wrong versus I Have a Different Opinion.

[RooRoo]

Yes. In the example that Oceanus is using, "I'm sorry" is a polite fiction. I think that it is done as a short way of saying, "Let's not get into a fight about this difference of opinion; let's keep it at the level of discussion."

That way, the response could be something like, "Oh. Did you see him in 'Legends of the Fall?' I thought he did a good job. I almost found the character of Tristan Ludlow believable, and that's quite an accomplishment!"

- Instead of "What a maroon!"* Which could lead to fisticuffs. 

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Kh7nLplWo