Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.

[baglady]

I am still wrapping my head around the fact that Chuck brought his own knife to use at someone elses house.

I have friends who do this. I have a cooperative arrangement with my neighbors for holiday dinners. I provide the venue, sides and beverages, they provide the main course (turkey, ham, pot roast, whatever). I don't own carving utensils because I never make anything that requires them ... so they bring those, too. Another friend loves to cook but doesn't have a home suitable for entertaining, so he frequently offers to bring dinner to his friends' homes ... and he brings whatever utensils are required for last-minute prep and serving. Neither of them would dream of using their knives on their hosts' stuff without being asked. Heck, my friends would be horrified at the idea of using their precious food knives on *paper.*

[Raintree]

OP here. Well, I did say something, in an offhand way, like, "I know this sounds silly but I'm still irritated every time I see my slashed sheet of paper with exercises on it. I couldn't figure out why, until I realized that it's not the piece of paper per se...it's the disrespect displayed when you disregarded my wishes" (or something to that effect). Sure enough, his attitude was, "It's a piece of paper, I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of it." Followed by a list of my transgressions. Sigh. Well I had actually not intended on inviting him in the first place; it was supposed to be just a couple of female friends, but he was doing something for me earlier in the day (as a PP suggested, he does have redeeming qualities) and when he asked what I was up to later, it seemed I should invite him as they were mutual friends.

Interesting to see that not one of the responders here have said, "Oh yeah, you're being silly." And no, I wanted to stay well back while he was playing with his knife. All it takes is for one unexpected move for an accident to happen. I've already been cut once (not by him, about a year ago) when the person holding the knife decided to swing around to put it on the counter just as I was drying dishes and reached out to put something away. My arm collided with the knife and I got a nasty cut. It was an accident (carelessness on the part of the holder of the knife, IMO....you don't make sudden moves with sharp knives when someone is standing nearby) but I now know to stand back when people are holding kitchen knives.

[snowdragon]

After this are you still going to have him in your home?

[Iris]

OP here. Well, I did say something, in an offhand way, like, "I know this sounds silly but I'm still irritated every time I see my slashed sheet of paper with exercises on it. I couldn't figure out why, until I realized that it's not the piece of paper per se...it's the disrespect displayed when you disregarded my wishes" (or something to that effect). Sure enough, his attitude was, "It's a piece of paper, I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of it." Followed by a list of my transgressions. Sigh. Well I had actually not intended on inviting him in the first place; it was supposed to be just a couple of female friends, but he was doing something for me earlier in the day (as a PP suggested, he does have redeeming qualities) and when he asked what I was up to later, it seemed I should invite him as they were mutual friends.

Interesting to see that not one of the responders here have said, "Oh yeah, you're being silly." And no, I wanted to stay well back while he was playing with his knife. All it takes is for one unexpected move for an accident to happen. I've already been cut once (not by him, about a year ago) when the person holding the knife decided to swing around to put it on the counter just as I was drying dishes and reached out to put something away. My arm collided with the knife and I got a nasty cut. It was an accident (carelessness on the part of the holder of the knife, IMO....you don't make sudden moves with sharp knives when someone is standing nearby) but I now know to stand back when people are holding kitchen knives.

The bolded is the bit that bothers me. It's one thing to say "It's just a piece of paper" - that just indicates insensitivity and/or cluelessness. People who turn any perceived criticism around and attack the critic do NOT remain on my dinner party list.

[Danika]

I had something very similar happen.  The twists: It was not a piece of paper but someone touching my motorcycle when I repeatedly told them to stop and he was housesitting for me.  The disrespect is the same.  Should it happen again, I will calmly escort that person to the door and tell them to have a good night.  If they protest, I will say, "I will not be disrespected in my own home and since you refuse to understand why I'm upset, you will leave."  Then it will be a very, very long time until they are invited back over. 

Confronting these types never works because they refuse to see that what they are doing is wrong.  The only thing you can do is stop hanging out with them.

Me three. In my case, some of my friends took their kids to another part of my house, without my permission or knowledge, and let their kids with sticky cake frosting fingers play my heirloom piano.

Like Chuck, when I was extremely upset and told them they were out of line, instead of acknowledging how upset I was (I am usually a very calm, easygoing friend) and apologizing to me, they treated me like I was overreacting. One accused me of being overprotective of my piano even though I don't play for a living and I don't need it to make my income! As if you can only care about an item that much if it's tied to your wage-earning!

The friend who I knew would pull another stunt like that again, I never invited over again. The others, I let it go with just my words of displeasure, but they kept finding other ways to disrespect me (disrespecting my time and mocking my DH and my children, instead of my property). I finally gave them the cut direct recently. I wish I had done in years ago.

People who don't respect you are not capable of being good friends. Maybe they single you out and treat you poorly, or more likely, they're just that way and that's how they treat everyone. In my experience, the bad outweighs the good with folks like these.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

Before I read your update, I was going to suggest that if you felt the need to give him a second chance, you give him a second chance to apologize.  Well, you did, and he didn't.  People who can't or won't apologize quickly disappear from my social calendar; something is missing in them, and they can't be trusted.

Good for you for confronting him and determining for certain what kind of person he is.

[Emmy]

Raintree, some people called what his response would be and it looks like they hit it on the head (saying you were making a big deal about a piece of paper, then listing your transgressions).  I think you stated it well and emphasized it wasn't the piece of paper you were upset about, but the lack of respect.  Good for you for trying to confront him and getting this off your chest.

As another poster so creatively stated, I think you should sharpen your knife and cut him off the guest list in the future.

[Yvaine]

After this are you still going to have him in your home?

I had to read it twice to be sure, but I think she's explaining why she invited him that day, not saying she's going to keep inviting him.

(And OP, if I'm wrong about that, you don't have to invite him anywhere! He's a boor.)

[Zilla]

OP here. Well, I did say something, in an offhand way, like, "I know this sounds silly but I'm still irritated every time I see my slashed sheet of paper with exercises on it. I couldn't figure out why, until I realized that it's not the piece of paper per se...it's the disrespect displayed when you disregarded my wishes" (or something to that effect). Sure enough, his attitude was, "It's a piece of paper, I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of it." Followed by a list of my transgressions. Sigh. Well I had actually not intended on inviting him in the first place; it was supposed to be just a couple of female friends, but he was doing something for me earlier in the day (as a PP suggested, he does have redeeming qualities) and when he asked what I was up to later, it seemed I should invite him as they were mutual friends.

Interesting to see that not one of the responders here have said, "Oh yeah, you're being silly." And no, I wanted to stay well back while he was playing with his knife. All it takes is for one unexpected move for an accident to happen. I've already been cut once (not by him, about a year ago) when the person holding the knife decided to swing around to put it on the counter just as I was drying dishes and reached out to put something away. My arm collided with the knife and I got a nasty cut. It was an accident (carelessness on the part of the holder of the knife, IMO....you don't make sudden moves with sharp knives when someone is standing nearby) but I now know to stand back when people are holding kitchen knives.

He bought his kitchen knife?  (I thought it was a pocket knife!) Where did he carry it?  And his sharpening stones and oils?  And yeah I too don't think you were silly but what he did was incredibly silly and ridiculous and well actually quite childish.