Author Topic: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.  (Read 6211 times)

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Raintree

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Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« on: January 22, 2013, 02:03:03 AM »
Sheesh. Am I being silly here? Totally trivial?

A few nights ago, some friends came over and we all shared in a meal at my place (ie shared cooking). We've been doing this in our little circle, rotating dinners at each other's homes, and all sharing in the cooking. It was my turn to have it at my place. A friend ("Chuck") had a new kitchen knife, and was eager to try it out.

It was a lot of fun, but one little thing bothered me:

I had printed out an exercise schedule for myself for the month of January, which was merely a list of exercises to do for each day in January, that I ticked off at the end of each day after they were done. It's just a sheet of paper and I can easily print another off the internet, but I was keeping it near the kitchen counter as a motivator.

We were just clearing up after an amazing meal, when Chuck decided to sharpen his new knife. He was so impressed with his sharpening skills, I guess, that he wanted to show everyone how sharp it was. He went to grab a piece of paper from a little pile I had tucked away, and I said, "No!! Not those papers!" (they were vet records that I wanted to keep). I was looking around for some scrap paper he could slash, but before I knew it, he'd grabbed my exercise sheet and started slashing that. With an "ooohh!! Look how sharp it is!!" and wanting everyone to admire. (Let's ignore here the danger of waving knives around, as he was standing well away from everyone else and I know that while his obsession is childish, he would never do anything dangerous).

I said, "No, please don't cut that up, I use that!" He laughed and continued to slash. I asked several times to "please stop, that's my exercise sheet" to no avail.

So now it's mangled but still useable and it would take me no time at all to print off another one if I wanted, but I still find myself irritated every time I go to do the exercises and see the mangled sheet. Not over the piece of paper, per se, but the attitude that whatever you see lying around someone's home is yours to decide if you want to mangle.

How trivial am I being, and is it worth bringing this up with him several days later? It's not the first time he's disrespected boundaries and requests not to do things.


Amava

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2013, 02:13:43 AM »
...

What part of "no" did he not understand? The N or the O?

I am normally all for "please" and "thank you", but I think this is one situation where I would advise to leave it out.
"I said no. Stop that now!" and take the paper or whatever he has decided to destroy/play with that time away from him.

Bijou

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2013, 02:14:53 AM »
Not trivial , at all.  And I would need one less chair for dinner at my place, in the future, because I would have one less guest.  I am curious whether anyone in the group responded in support of you.  It sounds like no one did.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Bijou

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2013, 02:20:25 AM »
...

What part of "no" did he not understand? The N or the O?

I am normally all for "please" and "thank you", but I think this is one situation where I would advise to leave it out.
"I said no. Stop that now!" and take the paper or whatever he has decided to destroy/play with that time away from him.
I understand what you are saying, but this guy was totally oblivious to what she was saying and waving a sharp knife around in the air.  No matter how harmless he may be, this could result in serious injury to someone. Anyone who was so carried away that he would grab a paper in someone else's home and start cutting it up is not someone I would approach casually.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Amava

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2013, 02:40:28 AM »
...

What part of "no" did he not understand? The N or the O?

I am normally all for "please" and "thank you", but I think this is one situation where I would advise to leave it out.
"I said no. Stop that now!" and take the paper or whatever he has decided to destroy/play with that time away from him.
I understand what you are saying, but this guy was totally oblivious to what she was saying and waving a sharp knife around in the air.  No matter how harmless he may be, this could result in serious injury to someone. Anyone who was so carried away that he would grab a paper in someone else's home and start cutting it up is not someone I would approach casually.
Good point. I should have some more coffee first because I'm letting my morning no-nonsense shortness get in the way of my safety concerns.  :D

Seriously though, even without approaching him physically, I think "HEY!! I said no!" would be the least I'd say. And I lean towards what you said about needing one less chair next time, too.

sweetonsno

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2013, 02:51:40 AM »
I do think it's probably too late to bring it up now, but if you decide to invite him again and he again ignores your request to not destroy your things, I suggest snapping at him. Increase the volume and add more edge to your voice.

I'd vote for something like "What part of stop it didn't you understand?" or "What is wrong with you? I said don't cut that paper."

While it's just an exercise sheet, I don't think it's trivial. This guy has decided that your property (however easy to replace) and wishes are not worth respecting. He was probably just really wrapped up in showing off, which is obnoxious enough on its own. I think dropping the polite requests in favor of a harsher response would probably temper his enthusiasm a bit. He wanted you all to be impressed. Making it very clear that you are not would perhaps take the fun out of it.

I'm sorry. I hate it when people decide they can do whatever they want with my stuff. Hopefully he doesn't get one of those "will it blend?" blenders. Or maybe you should, and bring it with you the next time he hosts.  >:D

Iris

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2013, 03:04:46 AM »
 :o

I can't believe he did this. After first asking him politely to stop I would have gone into 'teacher mode'. You know the one, firm voice, use his name, simple commands and even hand signals. At it's worst it's a lot like 'dog trainer mode'. After all, he was behaving like a naughty child so why not treat him like one?

I suspect that if you bring it up after several days he will turn it back on you for making a 'big deal' out of it. However, this kind of idiotic behaviour would lead to me cooling a friendship so a lot depends on whether you are close enough friends with him to think he deserves an explanation and chance to redeem himself.



 Hopefully he doesn't get one of those "will it blend?" blenders. Or maybe you should, and bring it with you the next time he hosts.  >:D

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Emmy

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2013, 03:53:40 AM »
I don't think it is trivial of you or silly to be annoyed.  I'm sure it was not the paper being ruined that bothered you, but the way Chuck treated you.  The lack of respect he showed was astonishing and it is a big deal when somebody doesn't respect you.  It was very rude of him to start pawing through the papers on your counter.  They were important papers and he would have ruined them if you had not stopped him.  The complete lack of respect came when you told him several times to stop slashing your paper and he didn't listen.  His actions showed that he felt that his knife demonstration was important, your feelings and property were not.  Something like that would make me feel very angry and violated.

Besides being rude, Chuck sounds very childish.  If he wanted to demonstrate his knife, he should have asked you for permission and asked and waited for you to obtain a piece of scrap paper for him.  It sounds like he is a little kid who has to show off how cool his knife is at that moment and can't wait for a suitable piece of paper.

Personally, Chuck doesn't sound like somebody who I would want to continue a friendship with.  It sounds like he repeatedly walks over boundaries and doesn't respect people.  If you consider him a fairly good friend, it may be worth bring up with him.  However, he might try to minimize the problem and say you are making a big deal over a piece of paper.  (I say this from experience because I had an ex boyfriend in college who would do 'small' annoying things and continue when asked to stop.  When I would get upset that he wasn't respecting my boundaries, he would complain that I was making a big deal over a small thing).

Raintree

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2013, 04:22:38 AM »
However, he might try to minimize the problem and say you are making a big deal over a piece of paper.  (I say this from experience because I had an ex boyfriend in college who would do 'small' annoying things and continue when asked to stop.  When I would get upset that he wasn't respecting my boundaries, he would complain that I was making a big deal over a small thing).

You dated Chuck!! Lol! Chuck is part of a group of college friends that I am close with, but I have dated a similar person and there is one in my family also, and yes, that is exactly the type. It's never "oh, sorry, you're right, that was bad of me." It's always, "You're making such a big deal of it, and in fact the other day, YOU....." (insert some unrelated tangent designed to make you look like the bad person).  Which is why I'm reluctant to bring up the exercise sheet issue with Chuck because on the surface, it does seem trivial ("So what, you can print another one in 2 seconds.") While in reality, it's a statement of disrespect. I can't believe he almost went for the vet records that I'd stored in a neat pile behind some stuff for my records, to file later.

Raintree

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2013, 04:39:41 AM »
I am curious whether anyone in the group responded in support of you.  It sounds like no one did.

I don't think they saw. I think they were all busy talking to each other and didn't see. Equally unimpressed by the sharp knife display, I guess. I mean, I like good kitchen tools as much as the next person but Chuck is obsessive about them (whether it's a chopping block or a new saucepan) to the point of being a bore about it.

I don't know what a "will it blend" blender is, but I'm liking the idea of bringing one to his home to try out stuff....until I realize that I can't even fathom destroying someone else's papers without finding out first if the person needs what is written on it. Myself, if it's not needed, it goes into the recycling bin immediately, so anything lying around my place is actually something I want to keep.

TomatoBunny

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2013, 05:14:55 AM »
Blendtec made a series of youtube videos with their blender called "Will It Blend?" where they had this guy blend all sorts of stuff in the blender. They blended (read: destroyed) several phones, hockey pucks, a football, lighters, silly putty and all sorts of weird things. There were some food things too, like several whole avocados and an entire value/happy meal.

Here's the video for Glow Sticks, because it's shot in the dark and is mega-glowy, so I think it's pretty cool.   ;)    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l69Vi5IDc0g

Emmy

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2013, 05:37:53 AM »
However, he might try to minimize the problem and say you are making a big deal over a piece of paper.  (I say this from experience because I had an ex boyfriend in college who would do 'small' annoying things and continue when asked to stop.  When I would get upset that he wasn't respecting my boundaries, he would complain that I was making a big deal over a small thing).

You dated Chuck!! Lol! Chuck is part of a group of college friends that I am close with, but I have dated a similar person and there is one in my family also, and yes, that is exactly the type. It's never "oh, sorry, you're right, that was bad of me." It's always, "You're making such a big deal of it, and in fact the other day, YOU....." (insert some unrelated tangent designed to make you look like the bad person).  Which is why I'm reluctant to bring up the exercise sheet issue with Chuck because on the surface, it does seem trivial ("So what, you can print another one in 2 seconds.") While in reality, it's a statement of disrespect. I can't believe he almost went for the vet records that I'd stored in a neat pile behind some stuff for my records, to file later.

Yes!  My 'Chuck' and I are still friends, but I think part of that is because he lives across the country and I only see him in small doses.  Usually my ex would cross my boundaries by continuing to do something he thought was funny (usually making a joke at my expense) after I told him to stop.  I'd tell him several times, he would act like it was funny and laugh and continue to provoke me.  Then I would get angry and try to explain to him that I want him to stop.  He would then get annoyed at me and tell me I had no sense of humor and I need to lighten up.  He really missed the point, I wasn't upset over a joke, but I did get upset that he didn't respect me enough to stop when I asked him to do so.  He never apologized and probably didn't think he was doing anything wrong.  Believe it or not he had redeeming qualities like I am sure Chuck does (or why would you remain friends with him), but this thing drove me nuts and I wasn't happy in the relationship

snowdragon

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2013, 05:59:44 AM »
He would not be invited over again.  He has no respect for your boundaries in your home and has proven it. If I were you ( or even if I had "merely" witnessed this) I would not be inviting him over again. If he asked why it would be "Chuck,  I don't care about the the paper, but I do care that you displayed such disregard for my boundaries and my property in my home, there for until I can trust you again, you will not be invited back over. "

chibichan

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2013, 06:51:34 AM »
If Chuck asks why he is no longer invited over , tell him you bought brand new knife and you tested it by slicing his name off the guest list .  >:D
The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

laud_shy_girl

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2013, 07:08:32 AM »
I would be furious! what if he had destroyed something that was not replaceable and also very important. he id not ask or look at what he was slicing.

Would sending him a bill for the reprint be to PA  :P
 
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