Author Topic: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.  (Read 6217 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2013, 02:11:57 PM »
Like the others, I don't think this is trivial, since it demonstrates a lack of respect to you and your possessions, in your own home. I would have to know if this was just a one-time event or if his general attitude was this way. For a single aberrant incident I probably wouldn't say anything or treat him differently, except maybe watching to see if it was becoming a pattern. If it was already a pattern, I would be seriously considering whether I wanted to be such close friends with someone who didn't respect my boundaries.

If I wanted to say something to him about it, I'm not sure what it would be, though. Maybe something like, "Look, I just need to tell you that what you did during the knife demo wasn't cool. The next time I tell you to stop destroying my stuff, no matter how silly you think it is, you need to listen to me." Maybe stop there and see what he says, being ready to follow up with, "I don't care about the actual piece of paper. I care that you destroyed something of mine, in my house, even though I told you to stop. That's not going to happen again."

If a "what's the big deal?" person is actually a decent person who just never thought XYZ was a big deal, I think reframing the incident to reflect how you saw it can be really helpful to them. "Okay, what you did right there? To you it was just cutting up a worthless piece of paper. To me, it was ignoring me when I was telling you to stop doing something destructive with my possession, in my home. Which makes me wonder what else you think it's okay to ruin that doesn't belong to you." (Not necessarily what I would actually say, though.)
~Lynn2000

Maude

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2013, 02:33:35 PM »
This is a group of college friends? Are you still in college? No?
I think you have outgrown this group and need to gradually replace
one or two people with friends who respect each other.

gramma dishes

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2013, 03:27:04 PM »
If Chuck asks why he is no longer invited over , tell him you bought brand new knife and you tested it by slicing his name off the guest list .  >:D


 ;D ;D ;D

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2013, 04:20:06 PM »
Chuck is a chucklehead who doesn't respect at least some boundaries. 

If he has redeeming qualities and you want to keep him on the guest list, I would keep a spray bottle of water handy for the next outrageous act, and spray him while loudly saying, "NO.  STOP!"  Worked on my cats.  They don't shred things anymore.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #34 on: January 22, 2013, 04:33:03 PM »
A shredded piece of paper might be trivial, but the disrespect is not.  You said no, he continued while laughing at you...in your house.  You might have to let this particular incident go, but I would consider carefully before inviting him over again, and his knives wouldn't be welcome...

DavidH

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2013, 06:55:24 PM »
The first thing I'd say is that if it bothers you every time you see the paper, print out a new one and move on because life is too short to let this drive you crazy. 

Are you right to be bothered, yes, it was rude, somewhat dangerous, and indicates a lack of respect for your property.  On the other hand, I don't think he was trying to make a statement about disrespecting your property, it sounds to me more like he was being clueless and not thinking.  That doesn't excuse it, but should help put this in context.

I can't quite imagine bringing it up several days later without it seeming over the top.  You're in the right, but saying, "Do you remember how you slashed the paper in my house three days ago when I asked you not to?  Yes, it still bothers me since it signals a lack of respect" is just as likely to make you seem petty as to convery the point. 

I think the chances of changing him are slim.  To me, it's a choice of lessen or discontinue your contact with him or accept this as just part of who he is.

LilacRosey

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #36 on: January 22, 2013, 07:34:50 PM »
Thats horrible! Who would do that to someone!, LilacRosey

gmatoy

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #37 on: January 22, 2013, 10:29:02 PM »
If Chuck asks why he is no longer invited over , tell him you bought brand new knife and you tested it by slicing his name off the guest list .  >:D

Pushing the "LIKE" button!  ;) (As did a lot of people!)

Modified to add the last sentence.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2013, 10:34:06 PM by gmatoy »

KenveeB

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #38 on: January 22, 2013, 10:57:24 PM »
Wow, his fancy knife can cut paper! A feat achieved by kindergarteners with safety scissors. I'm impressed.  ::)

I think you're definitely not overreacting to be upset. It doesn't matter that it is a piece of paper you can easily reprint. What matters is that he chose to intentionally destroy your property, not knowing or caring whether it was important or not. (Demonstrated by cutting it while being told to stop!) He ignored and disrespected you in your own home. NOT cool.

That said, I don't think there's a lot to be gained by bringing it up now. I would back off on having him over, and I think if he asked you why you could definitely say, "I was very upset when you demonstrated your fancy knife by cutting up my documents without knowing whether they were important. I don't want someone who disrespects my property in my house." But just bringing it up out of nowhere will make you sound like an overreacter.

Twik

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #39 on: January 23, 2013, 10:32:52 AM »
Is he in a knife-selling MLM? That's just bizarre and rude. Chibichan nailed it.  ;D

I'm tempted to believe that he's thinking about either selling knives, or a knife-sharpening business. Otherwise, he seems overly impressed that, as KenveeB says, his knife cuts paper.
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Yvaine

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #40 on: January 23, 2013, 10:42:51 AM »
Is he in a knife-selling MLM? That's just bizarre and rude. Chibichan nailed it.  ;D

I'm tempted to believe that he's thinking about either selling knives, or a knife-sharpening business. Otherwise, he seems overly impressed that, as KenveeB says, his knife cuts paper.

It just reminds me so much of the "I can cut a knife with my knife!" sales pitches.

SciFiLeslie

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #41 on: January 23, 2013, 10:50:10 AM »
I am still wrapping my head around the fact that Chuck brought his own knife to use at someone elses house.   I would be attempting to cut him from future gatherings.  But it sounds like a group who rotates hosting, so that might prove difficult.  I might try taking to him directly about it, especially if he has not been a problem guest before.

peach2play

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #42 on: January 23, 2013, 01:17:54 PM »
I had something very similar happen.  The twists: It was not a piece of paper but someone touching my motorcycle when I repeatedly told them to stop and he was housesitting for me.  The disrespect is the same.  Should it happen again, I will calmly escort that person to the door and tell them to have a good night.  If they protest, I will say, "I will not be disrespected in my own home and since you refuse to understand why I'm upset, you will leave."  Then it will be a very, very long time until they are invited back over. 

Confronting these types never works because they refuse to see that what they are doing is wrong.  The only thing you can do is stop hanging out with them. 

SoCalVal

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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #43 on: January 23, 2013, 02:10:03 PM »
Oh, I think she could have. I think the mindset of "accommodating him" was in evidence, and the mindset of "stopping him" was not.

I don''t think you have to wrestle it out of is hand, but walking directly toward him with a stern face and a hand out for him to give it to you. And "Chuck, stop--don't cut up my stuff!"

I've got to disagree with you here. I'm a 225+ pound man, who looks very intimidating and I wouldn't approach someone wielding a knife and who isn't responding to a verbal "no." An unintentional wild move to keep the knife or paper away from me would likely result in someone getting hurt. It just not worth any kind of risk.

I also have to disagree.  This suggestion is assuming that Chuck will stop focusing so much on what he wants to do in order to pay attention to the stern voice and manner.  Guess what?  Telling him repeatedly not to do something hasn't worked so why should a stern voice and a hand out work?  Also, never mind that suggesting to walk directly towards someone wielding a sharp knife with an outstretched hand is extremely dangerous and irresponsible (in culinary school, we are warned to watch out for each other when wielding a knife or something hot since others are often busy on other tasks and not noticing these dangerous things immediately; we certainly wouldn't take this approach if someone were deliberately focusing only on him/herself).

I would go with not inviting him again or, if he were to be invited, specifically telling him what will not be occurring again or he will be shown the door immediately (telling him beforehand and, even if he were to try to deflect and make the OP out to be the bad person, cut him off and refocus on the original point -- I wouldn't respond to his claims of OP overreacting, etc.; I would tell him his option is adhere to the OP's request or don't come over at all).



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Re: Please don't randomly slash papers you find in my home.
« Reply #44 on: January 23, 2013, 07:46:57 PM »
I have no words...I'm completely boggled by this. His continuing as you said NO is disgusting. He certainly isn't someone I'll invite again, if he was a friend of mine. And he is not somebody I would trust to take care of my belongings either!

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