Author Topic: Carpool conflict  (Read 4236 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #15 on: January 22, 2013, 12:45:54 PM »
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Why does she care if you fall asleep or not?  I mean, this is't happy social hour with your Bff, this is two people, getting to work somehow. Why do you need to talk?
  I may not be understanding the situation, but 4 and 5 in the morning is still the middle of the night to people who are so not morning people. As long as she is getting half the gas and you are ready to go when she arrives, what's the big deal?
 Me thinks she's jealous that you get to sleep while she drives.

Couldn't have said it better myself.


onyonryngs

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2013, 12:55:12 PM »
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Why does she care if you fall asleep or not?  I mean, this is't happy social hour with your Bff, this is two people, getting to work somehow. Why do you need to talk?
  I may not be understanding the situation, but 4 and 5 in the morning is still the middle of the night to people who are so not morning people. As long as she is getting half the gas and you are ready to go when she arrives, what's the big deal?
 Me thinks she's jealous that you get to sleep while she drives.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Maybe it makes her feel like an underpaid chauffeur.  I think it's ok to sleep if you've hired a driver, but it's an hour long drive - many people have commutes at least that long in cities, and it's not a chauffeur scenario. 

doodlemor

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #17 on: January 22, 2013, 01:00:10 PM »
We had a recent thread in which someone was just tired of having a rider, and wanted her privacy back.  I'm sorry to say this, OP, but that might be the case here.  Some people just like to do their own thing.

Are you getting enough sleep?  Four fifteen is incredibly early.  Maybe some more sleep would help you stay awake - and it would be good for your general health, too.

perpetua

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2013, 01:02:22 PM »
I disagree that the onus is on the OP to stay awake to keep the driver alert. If the driver can't keep herself alert, she has no business being on the road at that time of the morning (or at all).

However, I do think it's rude to get a lift with someone then immediately fall asleep - it's akin to treating her like public transport or a chauffeur. I'd be cross with you too.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #19 on: January 22, 2013, 01:05:55 PM »
I sympathize, as I can be like that too, falling asleep in the car and DH has expressed that he gets annoyed by it and I've told him "Look, I get sleepy in the car, and even more so if I don't have a reason to stay up, such as carrying on a conversation.   If you want me to stay up, I will try but it helps if you'll hold a conversation with me. Otherwise I just assume you're bored if all I'm getting is "Mmm-hmm", "Yeah", "Uhuh" or just facial expressions."*

*My mother once told me that those sorts of responses can be a cue that people aren't interested in what you have to say. 

He has become more talkative in the car on long trips so I think he got the idea. :)

On the other hand, once I was in the car with my best friend and I think she could tell I was tired and kept encouraging me to take a nap but I felt weird doing so and ended up nodding off on the couch once we got back to her house (was staying with her for a week)

Caffeine might help, or an energy drink...or just more sleep.
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silvercelt

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2013, 01:43:33 PM »
Are you getting enough sleep?  Four fifteen is incredibly early.  Maybe some more sleep would help you stay awake - and it would be good for your general health, too.

I don't have any advice to add to this thread, since what I think has already been addressed, but I did want to respond to this.
I'm also a carcoleptic....it makes absolutely no difference how much or how little sleep I've had- if I'm a passenger in a car for a drive that is longer than 20 minutes, I will fighting to stay awake at 21 minutes and out cold before 30 have passed.  I can be perfectly awake, rested, and chipper- even nursing a coffee while I'm sitting in the car- and it just happens.  No idea why. Nothing medical causes it.  I just can't stay awake.

I figure that maybe it's just an inherent trait, or one that we are trained into as babies.  How many parents head for the cars when their children won't fall asleep? :P
« Last Edit: January 22, 2013, 01:47:36 PM by silvercelt »

cheyne

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2013, 01:50:13 PM »
We had a recent thread in which someone was just tired of having a rider, and wanted her privacy back.  I'm sorry to say this, OP, but that might be the case here.  Some people just like to do their own thing.

Are you getting enough sleep?  Four fifteen is incredibly early.  Maybe some more sleep would help you stay awake - and it would be good for your general health, too.

It is possible that she no longer wants to carpool and doesn't know how to tell you.  I would just ask her.  If she no longer wants to ride together, ask her for a week or two to make other arrangements then be done with her.

As long as she can listen to the radio or audiobooks or something, I'm not sure why she'd be angry about you falling asleep (especially since she's not talking to you anyway).

emwithme

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2013, 02:36:01 PM »
Are you getting enough sleep?  Four fifteen is incredibly early.  Maybe some more sleep would help you stay awake - and it would be good for your general health, too.

I don't have any advice to add to this thread, since what I think has already been addressed, but I did want to respond to this.
I'm also a carcoleptic....it makes absolutely no difference how much or how little sleep I've had- if I'm a passenger in a car for a drive that is longer than 20 minutes, I will fighting to stay awake at 21 minutes and out cold before 30 have passed.  I can be perfectly awake, rested, and chipper- even nursing a coffee while I'm sitting in the car- and it just happens.  No idea why. Nothing medical causes it.  I just can't stay awake.

I figure that maybe it's just an inherent trait, or one that we are trained into as babies.  How many parents head for the cars when their children won't fall asleep? :P

My Best Friend is like this.  We frequently go on trips together and I generally do the driving.  There have been occasions where we've been chatting away and then - almost like a switch is flicked - she's asleep. 

Most of the time I will let her sleep but there are occasions where I do have to give her a quick (friendly) punch on the leg because she sends off so many "sleep vibes" that I worry that I may lose concentration.  What we do then, is pull off at the next junction or service station and have a coffee and a break (and yes, sometimes a little nap too), and then head back on the road once I feel refreshed enough to face the road again. 

Twik

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #23 on: January 22, 2013, 02:59:55 PM »
Maybe it makes her feel like an underpaid chauffeur.  I think it's ok to sleep if you've hired a driver, but it's an hour long drive - many people have commutes at least that long in cities, and it's not a chauffeur scenario.

Well, would it make her feel less like a chauffeur if the OP stays awake, but the driver doesn't talk during the trip?

Personally, if I were driving someone in the hours before dawn, I'd either talk to them, or let them get their sleep. Staring into the darkness, without even the distraction of driving the car, is a ridiculous way to spend a drive.
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Mikayla

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #24 on: January 22, 2013, 03:43:15 PM »
I'm sorry, could you elaborate on what she said in the argument? Was the argument the first time she brought up that she wished you'd stay awake during the drive?

Was she more talkative when you guys first started carpooling and only started the silent treatment after she realized you are prone to sleeping?

This.  (and I've read to the end!).

I just don't we know enough about what the driver said and even what she might be telling others. 

Sharnita

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #25 on: January 22, 2013, 04:11:21 PM »
For me the switch sometimes goes to sleeping or carsick.  This can be especially true if it is dark and car lights are coming/going or there is a certan amounnt of starting and stopping.

bopper

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2013, 04:59:22 PM »
The first thing I would do is acknowledge her issue and then explain yours.

Also, do you fall asleep on the way home?

What are you willing to do to make this up to her?

Obviously you don't have to do anything but she could decide not to give you a ride. Would that be an issue?  Could you guys swap driving on some days?  She could even drive to your house and then leave her car at your house if that would work out.

"Co-irker, I want to apologize for falling asleep every morning.  I can appreciate that is seems like I get to sleep while you have to drive so early.  However, i have to tell you, I am carcoleptic.  You know, like a narcoleptic except in car.  I fall asleep if I am in a car for more than 20 minutes. It doesn't even matter what time of day!  Since you are doing all the driving, what I would like to do is offer to pay for all the gas. Would that be fair?"

Roe

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Re: Carpool conflict
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2013, 05:47:25 PM »
Seems to me as if she no longer wishes to carpool but doesn't know how to say so.