General Etiquette > general

Is it rude to go if I am not feeling sociable?

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I am part of a bowling team.  I must pay even if I am not there to play.   I socialize with my team, and am friendly with the opposing teams.  We chat and cheer and high-five all the time.   On a normal day I'm pretty peppy.  If someone cheers I'll acknowledge the cheers for me or consolations. I'll offer them for others.  And we high-five when we do well.  And we high-five when we do badly.  And there are always congratulations and consolations being exchanged.  It is constant chatter.  This isn't all teams, some are rather quiet and laid back.  But in general our team isn't.

On occasion, when I show up I really don't feel like being happy and peppy and chatty.  It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.  I was just wondering if I should be staying home when I don't feel like socializing.  I have no problems answering necessary questions, but I don't want to participate in the chatter and cheering and dancing.  I'm fine sitting and listening, but I just don't feel like talking or high-fiving everyone every thirty seconds.

Is it rude to show up when I'm not feeling like myself?  On one hand I am paying for it even if I don't go, so I don't want to skip it.  On the other hand I am not sure if I am bringing others down.   And if I try to say "I'm fine, I'm just not feeling very sociable tonight"  it seems to encourage them to ask a million questions about why I'm upset.  Which I'm not.  I just would rather not talk.   I haven't been able to find a way to say "Look, I don't feel like talking or dancing or cheering tonight.  I'm not mad or upset or feeling ill.  I'm not feeling out of sorts.  I'm not tired.  I'm not grumpy.  I'm not mad at you.  You guys can carry on like normal, but I'm not gonna be my normal chatty, dancing, silly, peppy self.  I feel fine, I just don't feel like talking."


 I don't think its ever rude to just send your regrets, if you're not feeling up to it.

 Provided you still pay, if that's obligatory, then you should never have to attend if you don't want to. Many people have times when they just don't feel that sociable, and if its not a frequent thing, its nothing to worry about.

I don't think you're rude to participate in something you have to pay for, even if you are not chatty or bubbly - there are varying degrees of socialness and one can enjoy one self with out being the life of the party. If someone questions you - just say 'I am just in a quiet mood" and go from there.

If you are part of a team, that generally involves a commitment which is not negated by your feelings, unless they are sufficiently related to an unforeseen reason you genuinely cannot attend, or if your team participation was explicitly stated as "when I feel like being there."

If your participation in team efforts is likely to be impacted by unpredictable, but not infrequent reluctance on your part to participate in a team activity - don't sign up for that team activity.

I don't think not being peppy makes you rude to go. If you were seriously grouchy and antisocial, I would feel differently. If you're just quiet? No problem. Not everyone in an activity needs to be bouncy and happy every time. So long as you aren't being a Cloud of Doom and making it seem like you really don't want to be there. I've had people do the latter and it's uncomfortable. But just being quieter than usual? Not a problem.


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