Is This Disrespectful?

[Piratelvr1121]

My husband's last name is one that people very, very often mispronounce and often it's not out of malice, but because they look at it and their brain wants to switch the letters around even for those who aren't dyslexic.

His name has the same letters of a tropical fruit, but only two letters are switched around.  For example, Gauva instead of Guava.  People see it and either they assume it's misspelled or their brain switches them around.   My boys have gotten annoyed by it but DH told them just to get used to it, people aren't doing it out of malice, just misreading it.  He's been dealing it with it for about 31 years so he's used to it and doesn't get offended.  (it's not the last name he was born with, his mom remarried and FIL adopted DH)

That said, I can sympathize, as I've gotten irritated when teachers called me Ann since my given name is Annie.  One college friend would call me Ann because she had another friend named that and it was "just easier for me to call you both the same thing."    I once worked with a woman named Ann who got called Annie but the manager always called me Ann.   Ann sometimes did go by Annie but everyone else would tack on our last initials.   And the manager would wonder why I didn't respond when she called out "Ann!! Ann!!" but Ann did. 

[Margo]

I agree that people are probably not doing this intentionally or because they don't appreciate you generally.

I think it's fine to correct them - if it's in an email, then in your next response just add in 'by the way, I noticed you called me Annie - it's actually Anny'.

With people you see every day you could bring it up in person - possibly something like "I know it seems a small thing, but it really bugs me when my name is mispelled - I'm Anny-with-a-y, not Annie-with-an-ie - it leaps out at me every time I get a mail from you"

I think most people would be happy to correct it once they realise they're spelling it wrong.

(and you have my sympathy. My name has at least 6 common spellings, and in addition a lot of people seem to overlook one of the letters when they write it . I've found that if people  get it wrong the first time they write it, it is impossible to change unless you specifically point it out, and even then it only changes about half the time. I don't think it's deliberate, just that it gets 'locked in' and people don't actually think about it after the first time)

[dirtyweasel]

I think for me, this issue in part is because its your nickname.  If they were misspelling your actual name, well then that would  be straight up wrong - you no doubt have official, legal, irrefutable proof of how your actual name is spelled.  But your shortened nickname is merely your preferred spelling.  "Anny" and "Annie" are the same nickname, they are simply different spellings, but in either case your name is actually Annabeth. This happens with many names: my friend Jennifer has had plenty of people shorten her name, to Jenn, despite the fact that she shortens it to Jen (or goes by full name).

I think when its not your official name, but rather a nickname, and you approve the nickname (vs always going by Annabeth and never using any variation or shortening) its more of a pet peeve then actual disrespect.  In this case its totally a benign difference so sure it seems reasonable a person should go with your preference, but where's the line?  What if you wanted your nickname to be spelled AnNyeee? Its still the same verbal nickname... but kind of a hassle to type out and remember what with the capital in the middle and 3 "e" in a row. Should all personal preference variations of nicknames be observed, in all cases (such as work email)? And if there is a line about whats reasonable and whats not, who decides where that line is?

In my opinion actual names have concrete correct/incorrect spellings.  But nicknames... I will try my best, but not get too wrapped up; if I mess up, well the person who voluntarily chose that nickname needs to understand they choose the odd variation instead of the common one, and the consequence of that choice is people forget or get lazy.

I agree with this completely.  If this were your actual legal name then I would agree that something needs to be said, but this is a nickname that you go by.  At this point, it just seems kinda nit picky to correct the spelling of a nickname....especially when you've adopted a less common spelling.

[Mental Magpie]

This drives me absolutely nuts.  Autofill?  So what?  I sign my name Sara at the bottom of the darned e-mail, how long would it take to double check when you put it in at the beginning of your reply?  That's why I find it disrespectful, like knowing my name is not worth a few seconds to make sure you're spelling it correctly.  Oh, and yes, I would know how to spell everyone's names and their nicknames.  I also have to constantly correct people on my last name (even after I have given them the option of just calling me by the first letter but they insist on using the full name...even if they pronounce it wrong).

*deep breath*

That being said, it is obviously not as important to other people as it is to me (or you, OP).  I don't know that there is much we can do about it other than gentle reminders when the time is appropriate (or, like I do, continue to put may name at the end of every e-mail in the futile hope that subliminal messaging will get someone to remember there is no "h").

[delabela]

I have a common name with multiple common spellings.  It never ceases to make me laugh when I know people have things (emails, letters, etc) with my name spelled correctly, and yet they still misspell it. 

I think it's reasonable to get a bit annoyed.  I don't think it's intentional disrespect.  I think only you can judge how people would take a gentle correction. 

[mbbored]

I totally understand: I go by a nickname that involves my first name, but makes it longer rather than shorter.

With coworkers that I get along with, I've replied to their emails with something along the lines, "By the way, I spell my name Anny not Annie. Annie gives me a traumatic flashback to kindergarten and makes want to hide under my desk with my blankie and some apple juice. So, to prevent any such embarrassing incidents, I'd appreciate it if you'd spell my name 'Anny.'"

[katycoo]

I frequently have my surname misspelled on things.  It irks me because these people have me on FB - its vey easy to check you got it right.  But the misspelling is also a legitimate spelling of the surname used by others.

I choose to not worry about it.  I could correct them, but I don't care that much.  It is, however, the reason why I use my maiden name professionally.

[MariaE]

(or, like I do, continue to put may name at the end of every e-mail in the futile hope that subliminal messaging will get someone to remember there is no "h").

I have never seen this work. Not for me personally, not when we have these threads. It's as if people just don't read the signature/sign-off, or if they do, they see what they expect to see and don't notice the difference in spelling. So doing it this way seems like an exercise in furtility to me.

[Truluv86]

Thank you for your replies everyone! It feels good to get some perspective from people with different view points. Annabeth/Anny is just a pseudonym. The 'y' is much more intuitive in my real nickname because it also appears in my given name.

I should have mentioned it in my original message, but I have tried to correct people. With my one co-worker I see daily I tried to talk to her about it and point out the difference, but nothing changed.

MariaE, I once had a client I worked with several times who insisted on giving me a nickname instead of calling me by my longer, given name like most of them do. The nickname was one I particularly didn't care for, so I started deleting my automatic signature in my emails and signing them with my preferred nickname in a distinct (but not hit-you-over-the-head-obvious) font. After many emails like that he finally seemed to get the message and began calling me what I wanted to be called and spelling it right. I've tried that approach w/ my bosses for a long time, but it hasn't helped either. So I can vouch that it has worked, at least once. But I guess I might as well stop trying that with my bosses now.

After all this time, it does seem like something rather minor to point out to them verbally now. I don't think it would do any good either.

One poster pointed out that many people are just too busy to notice details like that, and that they mean no disrespect, it's just not something they pay attention to v.s. other things. I think that's how my bosses are. One, at least, would probably lose her head if it wasn't attached. It's just the fact that I've been there so long and it's a small company (not that many names to keep track of) and I make a point of getting people's names right, that culminated in it becoming particularly annoying for me. So I just wondered how many other people do make a point of trying to use people's names/nicknames the way they'd prefer (and if I'm the odd ball for caring).

Also, I have let my bosses know how much I dislike the current task they've assigned me, but they seem to be focused on thinking my concerns and (already well-known) dislike toward the new assignment are unfounded. And yes, I've confided a bit in a co-worker from another dept. about my feelings (toward the job not my name) and she basically said that the job changes all the time so the bosses will probably change their minds eventually and I'll be back to doing something else again. I can only hope.

Anyway, thanks again for your feedback everyone! I know I have a tendency to make a big deal out of things that aren't always are and wasn't sure if this was really something that others would care about too (from either perspective, having their name spelled wrong to spelling names).

[MariaE]

Good to know it's worked at least once

[Mental Magpie]

Good to know it's worked at least once

Yup!

I generally know it's not going to work, but I still try just in case I win the lottery!