Not eating food served to you

[Geekychick1984]

Hello all!

I know picky eaters comes up a lot on here, and I have a question somewhat related to that.

I don't consider myself a picky eater.  I like a variety of foods, and have always loved all of my vegetables.  However, when I don't like something, I really don't like it.  I have actually gagged and/or thrown up from it in the past.  Sometimes, I can't even stand the smell or to look at it . The list really isn't big - it only consists of hot dogs, deli meat (something uabout the texture of deli meat makes me ill)wonder brand type white bread, ranch dressing, some cheeses, some yogurts, and unflavored sour cream.  I will eat pretty much anything else, or at least try it (I've even had escargot and loved it). 

I've read on here that it's rude to not take a little of everything when you go to someone else's house.  Is this true?  I'd imagine the host/hostess would rather I need be sick than "suck it up" and try to force something down that I don't like, when there's a good chance I'll be audibly gagging or being sick at the dinner table.  I'm good at not making a big deal of it (I will just grab what I can eat).
 
Am I being rude for passing up what I don't like if I don't make a production of it or make "eww" noises? 

[iridaceae]

I wouldn't think you'd be rude for passing it up. I pass up lots of stuff and no one's ever said a thing. Or it's been a quick "oh; you didn't take X- did you want some?"

[cicero]

Hello all!

I know picky eaters comes up a lot on here, and I have a question somewhat related to that.

I don't consider myself a picky eater.  I like a variety of foods, and have always loved all of my vegetables.  However, when I don't like something, I really don't like it.  I have actually gagged and/or thrown up from it in the past.  Sometimes, I can't even stand the smell or to look at it . The list really isn't big - it only consists of hot dogs, deli meat (something uabout the texture of deli meat makes me ill)wonder brand type white bread, ranch dressing, some cheeses, some yogurts, and unflavored sour cream.  I will eat pretty much anything else, or at least try it (I've even had escargot and loved it). 

I've read on here that it's rude to not take a little of everything when you go to someone else's house.  Is this true?  I'd imagine the host/hostess would rather I need be sick than "suck it up" and try to force something down that I don't like, when there's a good chance I'll be audibly gagging or being sick at the dinner table.  I'm good at not making a big deal of it (I will just grab what I can eat).
 
Am I being rude for passing up what I don't like if I don't make a production of it or make "eww" noises?

no, i don't think that is valid. some people don't like /can't eat/prefer to not eat certain items.

it's rude for the hosts to call attention to what you took or didn't take. now - if your hosts invite you to a steak dinner, and you don't take a steak because you don't like steak or it doesn't agree with you - well, I would have to wonder why you didn't say something *before* I went to the trouble and expense of getting steak. But if you're invited "to dinner" and there are 3 out of 7 things you don't like - that's fine (especially if the thing you don't like is cheese -i'd be fine with that).

*if* asked, you can say "no thank you" or "cheese doesn't agree with me but man, those brocolli spears look wonderful!"

[Geekychick1984]

*if* asked, you can say "no thank you" or "cheese doesn't agree with me but man, those brocolli spears look wonderful!"

Phew, that's similar to what I do when they bring attention to it.

And yes, I do decline politely if it's blatantely something I don't like, for instance a wine and cheese party, of which I like neither.

[camlan]

I'm not sure there's a rule that you have to take some of everything that's offered. It's polite to take as much as you will eat, but no more (or not very much more).

Most adults, I think, have some food or other that they would rather not eat. Some people don't eat certain foods because of religious reasons, or health reasons, or moral/ethical reasons.

So a polite guests takes what they can eat, in reasonable amounts (i.e. no one person grabs all the steak, or all the bacon, or fishes all the strawberries out of the fruit salad). If you end up with something you can't eat on your plate, you don't eat it. One school of thought says that you mess it around on your plate a little, to make it look as though you have eaten some of it.

I can't eat eggs. Not allergic, just the taste, the smell, the texture--they are all repellant. So I avoid them at breakfasts and brunches and load up on the foods I really like.

[Emmy]

I remember hearing about taking a 'polite helping' of food and pushing it around on your plate to appear that it has been tasted.

I don't agree with this rule.  In my opinion, it seems a little silly and unnecessary (not to mention wasteful) to take food for show with no intention of eating it to appear 'polite'.  It is not impolite to not a helping of everything offered.  I doubt the host is monitoring what everybody has on their plates and if they are, they are the one with the problem.  If somebody offers, a simple 'no thank you' is sufficient.  I don't think the reason for not taking food matters, whether the person is allergic, has a food aversion, or simply doesn't like it. 

I agree with cicero that the only situation where not eating a certain thing might make the host uncomfortable is a situation like being invited to a clam bake, but you don't eat shellfish. 

[Zilla]

I vote not rude and please don't take a helping if you don't intend to eat it.  It will leave more for others and not be wasteful.  If you wish to try it, by all means take a small serving first to see if you like it.  No, I would never presume to tell any guests this out loud.  And as long as no comment is made as in eew no or grimaces, I wouldn't care a whit if you declined.
Not everyone will like everything that is offered.  As a hostess, I would take note quietly on what you pass up on and do end up taking.  So that the next time I host, I can provide more of the liked dishes or provide less of the passed up dishes depending.
 

[Outdoor Girl]

If food is served buffet or family style, I only take those foods I'm willing to eat, or at least try.  Why take something I know I'm not going to eat and waste it?

But if it is a plated meal where I'm not asked what I'd like and just presented with the plate, in that case, if there is a food I find disagreeable, I might push it around on the plate a bit to make it look like I ate some.

OP, you are not rude for only taking those things you know you like or are willing to try.  And if anyone comments on what foods you didn't take, they're the rude one.

[lowspark]

Actually, I think the opposite is true. I think it's rude to take food you know you're not going to eat. I don't like to see food wasted so if you put something on your plate it should be because you like it or at least think you will. If you take a bite and it isn't to your liking, that's the way it goes, you shouldn't force yourself to eat it. But putting things on your plate that you have no intention of eating is wasteful and if I'm the hostess, I'd think it was rude.

[peaches]

I've read on here that it's rude to not take a little of everything when you go to someone else's house.  Is this true? 

I haven't read that here. In any case, I disagree with that sentiment.

It would be silly - and wasteful - to take food you have no intention of eating.

Given the allergies, preferences, food phobias, etc. that people have (including me), I think you should take food you will eat, and be enthusiastic about the meal and efforts made by the host.

[Bijou]

Actually, I think the opposite is true. I think it's rude to take food you know you're not going to eat. I don't like to see food wasted so if you put something on your plate it should be because you like it or at least think you will. If you take a bite and it isn't to your liking, that's the way it goes, you shouldn't force yourself to eat it. But putting things on your plate that you have no intention of eating is wasteful and if I'm the hostess, I'd think it was rude.

I agree with this.  If you have no intention of eating it, leave it for someone who would enjoy it. 

[katycoo]

Buffetstyle serve your own plate?  Only take teh things you'll eat.  If your meal is plated for you, it's more difficult.  My inclination is to taste everything.

[Hmmmmm]

It is never rude to not eat items you do not enjoy. And what you eat is no ones concern, at least in my Western culture.

What is rude is for a host or another guest to comment on a person's plate. While I might take note that Sue didn't touch the spinach I served I wouldn't comment on it, only file away not to serve spSue soinach at the next event. 

[CrochetFanatic]

No, I don't think it's rude.  We've got a family member who doesn't like lamb, and we didn't know this until we had them over for Easter.  She ate the side dishes, and my dad cooked up a ham steak for her instead.  She didn't ask for it, but she appreciated it, and we were all able to have something that we liked.  Occasionally, someone will have a side dish that I don't particularly care for, and I just pass it on to the next person when it's handed to me.  No one ever seemed to be offended by this.

Really, if something literally makes you gag, they'd be rude to try to force you to eat it. 

[Luci45]

The thought of taking a little of everything infuriates me!

When I serve 35+ people, and have worked hard over every mashed potato or sliced tomato, I don't want my hard work and our money going to waste for someone to 'be polite'. I hate to think how many pounds of food and how much money is going into the disposal. It gets personal, then.

If people question you, the answer is, "No, thank you. I don't care for any." Over and over again. You don't need to justify yourself at all.