Author Topic: Not eating food served to you  (Read 5136 times)

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CakeEater

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #15 on: January 25, 2013, 07:28:49 AM »
I would think that most people wouldn't even notice that you hadn't taken a serving of anything in particular, but it would be far more noticeable for a pile of something, no matter how small, to be left on your plate. Definitely leave anything behind that you don't like.

Emmy

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #16 on: January 25, 2013, 07:32:25 PM »
The thought of taking a little of everything infuriates me!

When I serve 35+ people, and have worked hard over every mashed potato or sliced tomato, I don't want my hard work and our money going to waste for someone to 'be polite'. I hate to think how many pounds of food and how much money is going into the disposal. It gets personal, then.

If people question you, the answer is, "No, thank you. I don't care for any." Over and over again. You don't need to justify yourself at all.

Unless the person intends on eating it.  I agree that taking food with the intent of wasting it to be 'polite' and spare the hosts feelings would have the opposite effect for many hosts as they scrape the food into the garbage.

As a host, I put a lot of time, expense, and effort into preparing the food.  I would cringe to see a lot of that go in the wastebasket.  I think it is much more considerate to the host to simply not take a food you know you will not eat.  It could be enjoyed by another person or saved for leftovers.  The 'pushing it around on your plate' only seems to come into play when the food is already plated for a person. 

I don't know if this is true, but I heard back in the day when women were supposed to be vapid, fragile creatures, it was actually rude for a woman to finish all the food on her plate and appear unlady like by having a big appetite. 

Luci

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #17 on: January 25, 2013, 08:09:34 PM »
The thought of taking a little of everything infuriates me!

When I serve 35+ people, and have worked hard over every mashed potato or sliced tomato, I don't want my hard work and our money going to waste for someone to 'be polite'. I hate to think how many pounds of food and how much money is going into the disposal. It gets personal, then.

If people question you, the answer is, "No, thank you. I don't care for any." Over and over again. You don't need to justify yourself at all.

Unless the person intends on eating it.  I agree that taking food with the intent of wasting it to be 'polite' and spare the hosts feelings would have the opposite effect for many hosts as they scrape the food into the garbage.

As a host, I put a lot of time, expense, and effort into preparing the food.  I would cringe to see a lot of that go in the wastebasket.  I think it is much more considerate to the host to simply not take a food you know you will not eat.  It could be enjoyed by another person or saved for leftovers.  The 'pushing it around on your plate' only seems to come into play when the food is already plated for a person. 

I don't know if this is true, but I heard back in the day when women were supposed to be vapid, fragile creatures, it was actually rude for a woman to finish all the food on her plate and appear unlady like by having a big appetite.

Yes. That is what I meant. I just didn't finish the sentence. We agree completely!

chibichan

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #18 on: January 25, 2013, 08:38:17 PM »
There is a big difference between " I don't care for it . " and " It makes me violently ill . "

I, for example , do not like onions . If I was served a dish containing them , I would ( in the words of my mother ) " eat around them ". I would not really enjoy it , but it wouldn't kill me .

However , if even the smell made me physically sick , I would offer immediate apologies to the host upon receiving my plate -

" Oh Host , I am so sorry but I have an extreme reaction to _____  . It looks lovely , but I just cannot eat it / smell it without becoming ill . " 

I would then excuse myself as gracefully as possible . " I'll go entertain the dog/cat/kid/houseplant while you are eating . "

I would also reassure the Host that I have encountered this situation before and this is the best solution .

I assume that most of your acquaintences are aware of your reactions to certain foods . If you were invited to a meal at my home , I certainly would want to know about it . I would be mortified if a guest of mine violently reacted to an ingredient .
Mt first thought would be " Why on earth didn't anyone tell me ? "
The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

Aquamarine

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2013, 01:05:36 PM »
It's not rude to pass up certain items, not everyone likes everything served and it would be illogical to assume or act otherwise.  A host or anyone else for that matter should take no notice or make comments as to what is or is not on anyone's plate unless it is a small child and then it's the parent's issue..
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

Jocelyn

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2013, 11:36:43 PM »


I don't know if this is true, but I heard back in the day when women were supposed to be vapid, fragile creatures, it was actually rude for a woman to finish all the food on her plate and appear unlady like by having a big appetite.
I think it had more to do with the corsets ladies wore...they just could NOT take more than a couple of bites!

Venus193

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2013, 07:30:20 AM »


I don't know if this is true, but I heard back in the day when women were supposed to be vapid, fragile creatures, it was actually rude for a woman to finish all the food on her plate and appear unlady like by having a big appetite.
I think it had more to do with the corsets ladies wore...they just could NOT take more than a couple of bites!

I actually think that the issue was bigger than that.  Since food and scrabble were all about the senses I think there was a perception that any woman who genuinely enjoyed food would be so brazen (or ill-bred) as to also enjoy scrabble, which was unthinkable in the Victorian age.

Not that this was ever considered a subject for polite discussion in those days.

Thipu1

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2013, 10:49:38 AM »


I don't know if this is true, but I heard back in the day when women were supposed to be vapid, fragile creatures, it was actually rude for a woman to finish all the food on her plate and appear unlady like by having a big appetite.
I think it had more to do with the corsets ladies wore...they just could NOT take more than a couple of bites!

When she was a child in Beijing, MIL and her siblings were always fed at home before the family shared a meal with friends.   It was considered shameful for children, especially girls, to show a 'healthy appetite' in the presence of outsiders.   

nutraxfornerves

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2013, 11:15:36 AM »
Don't forget Scarlett O'Hara being forced to eat before going to the barbecue, so she would only do a ladylike picking at her meal.

In some cultures, it is considered polite to leave a bit on your plate. To eat everything implies that the host hasn't provided enough food. Your hosts may put another helping on your plate, even though you are stuffed.

Miss Manners herself notes that children used to be taught to "leave some for Miss Manners," lest they be thought greedy. 

It is rather hard to cope with hosts who keep insisting that "you must try this" or "Ah, but you'll love THIS way of cooking it." I don't think I'd mention that something makes me ill while at the table, but I would probably say "it disagrees with me and I find it best just to avoid it."

Nutrax
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JoyinVirginia

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #24 on: January 27, 2013, 02:12:51 PM »
At my Weight Watchers meeting, before the holidays, way back in November, we discussed staying on our eating plan if you would be attending parties, events where food is the focus. A phase our leader had everyone practice, in response when you are offered something you won't be eating: ”No thank you.”
If pressed to try something again: ” No thank you, not right now, maybe later.”

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2013, 02:18:04 PM »
It is polite to take what is offered. It is also polite to decline things you don't like with a "No, thank you".

I think the proper thing to do is if you're unsure of whether you will like it is to take a very small bite, because if you do not like it, you are not wasting it for the people who do, and if you do like it, you can easily take a larger second helping. But if you know you have strong food aversions or restrictions, then perhaps the most polite thing when confronted with a mystery food item is to say "I'm not familiar with this dish - what's in it?", and then decide whether to take a courtesy bite based on that.

I try to take courtesy bites, but I have some very strong food aversions (fish, black olives), some mild food allergies (peppers, melons), and one possibly deadly seasoning allergy (lavender), and I don't tolerate spicy food well. So when presented with something I've never seen before, it makes sense to me to ask a few questions about the preparation and flavor. I think it remains polite as long as I don't suggest the food is somehow disgusting for daring to be something I don't like, can't tolerate, or am allergic to.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #26 on: January 27, 2013, 02:21:38 PM »
Don't forget Scarlett O'Hara being forced to eat before going to the barbecue, so she would only do a ladylike picking at her meal.

In some cultures, it is considered polite to leave a bit on your plate. To eat everything implies that the host hasn't provided enough food. Your hosts may put another helping on your plate, even though you are stuffed.

Miss Manners herself notes that children used to be taught to "leave some for Miss Manners," lest they be thought greedy. 

It is rather hard to cope with hosts who keep insisting that "you must try this" or "Ah, but you'll love THIS way of cooking it." I don't think I'd mention that something makes me ill while at the table, but I would probably say "it disagrees with me and I find it best just to avoid it."

"If you don't care what folks says about dis family I does! I is told ya and told ya that you can always tell a lady by the way she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain't aimin' for you to go to Mr. John Wilkenson's and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog!"

It's one of the funnier scenes in the movie.

Venus193

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Re: Not eating food served to you
« Reply #27 on: January 27, 2013, 06:43:42 PM »
It's funny until you realize what it means or until you read the book for the rest of the conversation.