Author Topic: Do I really have to go?  (Read 6437 times)

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White Dragon

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Do I really have to go?
« on: January 24, 2013, 02:18:19 PM »
I have a really great workplace.
The mix of people is great, the work is interesting and managment takes excellent care of us.

Management has arranged for all the women on the staff to attend a local conference.
They have even made concessions for all the front office staff to attend, which is very unusual.
This isn't so much as because they think that it's critical to our knowledge that we attend, but that it's an opportunity for us to attend something directed at working women. It's an 'encouragement and personal growth' kind of deal.

I don't want to go. I'm not a huge fan of the individual's organizing it (nothing major, I just have found them to be annoying). Also, it's really not the type of thing that I care for. I find these sorts of things to be boring at best and often annoying.

Here's the problem. If I don't go, I will probably be the only woman in the office not to do so.
Also, the organizer is our HR person, who - along with her husband - owns the company.

I do, however, have an acceptable, built-in excuse for not going. Everyone else on the staff can use their training budget to cover their pay for that day. (Conference costs are covered by the company.)

I am on a temporary contract with 5 months remaining. I don't have a training budget.
If I wish to attend, it will be without pay.
Alternatively, the company has offered to hold my vacation pay back and apply it the day's pay.
So there wouldn't be a huge difference in my pay cheque, but yes, in the long term, I'd miss a days pay (I just wouldn't see it in a big chunk.)

I very much want to stay with this company, but there is a very good chance the person I'm replacing will return (she has said she will and seems keen to come back.)
I can't tell if it's feasible for the company to create a new position for me or not. I've been trying to get a sense of things, but it's pretty opaque.

So.

Is it a better social (and long term) choice to be a team player, suck it up and attend or bow out, possibly leaving a bad impression with the HR lady? (She's a real sweetheart and I don't see her holding a grudge, but it could affect how they see me fitting in long term.)

Because etiquette is, for the most part, being aware of how others see our actions and how they affect others, I'd like the EHellions take on this.

MrTango

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2013, 02:29:36 PM »
I think you'll be better off career-wise to bite the bullet and just go to the event.  It'll give them a reason to consider you a "team player" and think you have a "positive attitude."

Yeah, the event itself might be dull and irritating, but it's a temporary discomfort that could have a longer-lasting benefit for you.

onyonryngs

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2013, 02:31:53 PM »
I think you'll be better off career-wise to bite the bullet and just go to the event.  It'll give them a reason to consider you a "team player" and think you have a "positive attitude."

Yeah, the event itself might be dull and irritating, but it's a temporary discomfort that could have a longer-lasting benefit for you.

This.  If you're hoping to stay, it's best not to be remembered as the only one who refused to go.  You want to be the team player, up for anything person.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2013, 02:33:34 PM »
If there was no hope for you to get on with this company, I think it would be fine to not go, citing the loss of a day's pay.

But because you do hope to get hired on, I agree with MrTango that you should go.
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Ontario

cicero

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2013, 02:40:05 PM »
I think you'll be better off career-wise to bite the bullet and just go to the event.  It'll give them a reason to consider you a "team player" and think you have a "positive attitude."

Yeah, the event itself might be dull and irritating, but it's a temporary discomfort that could have a longer-lasting benefit for you.
I agree.

and i've been to my share of "training sessions" - some were duds but many were interesting and i actually picked up some ideas and skills. you never know what's going to happen.

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DavidH

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2013, 02:43:38 PM »
I'd recommend going since it sounds like the company has made a lot of effort to send everyone and views it as doing something nice.  You can always use the breaks for networking either within your current company with others there.

In some ways, it's like getting a gift you don't like, you still have to accept it.

Missing a day's pay is not great, but rather than think of it as missed, think of it as an investment in networking if that helps. 

WillyNilly

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2013, 02:46:01 PM »
I think you should approach the HR/owner and address the pay issue.  Couch it in real terms "I am really hoping to be able to stay with this company, I really like it here, but realistically I know my contract is expiring and Mary wants to come back, which means I might be unemployed. I have to really think about long term expenses and income and plan accordingly. While I appreciate you including me, I feel as though its something that I can't really afford in the grand scheme of things."

If you are offered a new contract, well then, no money worries and you go and you mentally tick it ff as the cost of getting the job.  Otherwise its a gracious way of backing out - they shouldn't pressure you to essentially pay for something while also sending you off to be unemployed.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2013, 02:56:22 PM »
We refer to these trainings as "dog and pony shows".  You're not sure of the point of them, but there was a dog and a pony.

POD to the others who've said it is probably in your best interest to go.

MorgnsGrl

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2013, 03:04:41 PM »
Personally (and clearly I am in the minority here) I don't think you have to go. If they told you to come in to work on Friday, but you wouldn't be paid, would you? (Especially knowing everyone else WAS being paid?) I get that it can be good to be seen as a team player, but since you realistically have no reason to think you're anything more than a temp as far as this company is concerned, you're not really "part of the team" anyway. The team gets paid. I think this would only leave a bad impression for the HR lady is she's a really unfair individual -- and it doesn't sound like she is. In my opinion, asking an employee to lose a day's pay but not giving them leave to do whatever they like with that day isn't acceptable.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2013, 03:09:28 PM »
I think you should approach the HR/owner and address the pay issue.  Couch it in real terms "I am really hoping to be able to stay with this company, I really like it here, but realistically I know my contract is expiring and Mary wants to come back, which means I might be unemployed. I have to really think about long term expenses and income and plan accordingly. While I appreciate you including me, I feel as though its something that I can't really afford in the grand scheme of things."

If you are offered a new contract, well then, no money worries and you go and you mentally tick it ff as the cost of getting the job.  Otherwise its a gracious way of backing out - they shouldn't pressure you to essentially pay for something while also sending you off to be unemployed.

This is what I would do.

gramma dishes

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2013, 03:09:42 PM »
Yes.  Piling on in agreement with everyone else above me. 

If you want to have even the remotest chance of staying with this company, it probably would be in your best interest to be a team player and go, even though you'd much rather not. 

What's the worst case scenario?  You have a boring day. 

But you also have a chance to make yourself look like you consider yourself to be an integral part of the company.  Even if the person you're replacing does come back, they might be able to retain you as an employee in possibly a slightly different capacity.  If not and they have to let you go, at least you're likely to get overwhelming good reviews and recommendations from them which might help you with your next position wherever that may be.

Edited to add:  You might consider WillyNilly's idea too.  She makes a lot of sense and has provided excellent wording!
« Last Edit: January 24, 2013, 03:13:12 PM by gramma dishes »

TootsNYC

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #11 on: January 24, 2013, 03:18:17 PM »
I think you should approach the HR/owner and address the pay issue.  Couch it in real terms "I am really hoping to be able to stay with this company, I really like it here, but realistically I know my contract is expiring and Mary wants to come back, which means I might be unemployed. I have to really think about long term expenses and income and plan accordingly. While I appreciate you including me, I feel as though its something that I can't really afford in the grand scheme of things."

If you are offered a new contract, well then, no money worries and you go and you mentally tick it ff as the cost of getting the job.  Otherwise its a gracious way of backing out - they shouldn't pressure you to essentially pay for something while also sending you off to be unemployed.

I'm w/ WillyNilly. This is the only argument that you can use, and it *is* a fair one. A day's pay is a day's pay when you're about to be unemployed.

Otherwise, I'm sure you can find something useful in the day, even if it's only a chance to be "in on" the inside joke. That sort of time together with the people you work with is valuable.

lowspark

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #12 on: January 24, 2013, 03:52:25 PM »
I, too, Pod WillyNilly. You have a valid reason not to go, the fact that you have to give up a day's pay to do so.

Lynn2000

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #13 on: January 24, 2013, 03:55:42 PM »
I agree with WillyNilly. Essentially, act like you want to go, if it doesn't mean you'll be out of money. Because honestly that's fair--no one else will be going without pay. And if the company can't figure out a way to pay you, you can decline to attend the conference--regretful, but you have to be financially responsible. But if they do figure out a way to pay you, then you go and sit there thinking, "Well, at least I'm getting paid for this."
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Roe

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Re: Do I really have to go?
« Reply #14 on: January 24, 2013, 04:04:02 PM »
I think you should approach the HR/owner and address the pay issue.  Couch it in real terms "I am really hoping to be able to stay with this company, I really like it here, but realistically I know my contract is expiring and Mary wants to come back, which means I might be unemployed. I have to really think about long term expenses and income and plan accordingly. While I appreciate you including me, I feel as though its something that I can't really afford in the grand scheme of things."

If you are offered a new contract, well then, no money worries and you go and you mentally tick it ff as the cost of getting the job.  Otherwise its a gracious way of backing out - they shouldn't pressure you to essentially pay for something while also sending you off to be unemployed.

Yep. This is what I would do. 

It doesn't really make sense for you to lose a day of pay when you aren't going to be with the company long term.