General Etiquette > Life...in general

Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6

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TootsNYC:

--- Quote from: weeblewobble on February 05, 2013, 08:44:10 AM ---Yes, I was waiting to update until after the organization's meeting this weekend because I wanted to see if her behavior changed.  Last week, she approached DH at the gym and he told her that her comments about watching him need to stop because they make him uncomfortable. DH was careful not to mention me because he didn't want her to "blame" me for this and think he was OK with it. She said she didn't mean anything by it and she was just kidding.  DH said, "Then it should be easy for you to stop." and went on with his workout.  She has stopped saying hi to him at the gym.  DH feels a little bad that he may have hurt her feelings, but he's looking forward to going to our meeting without being harassed by the cougar patrol.

--- End quote ---

Nice phrase there! And of course smart of him to leave you out of it, because that would dilute the power of what is really going on.

as for feeling bad about hurting her feelings, he should remember this: In many ways, she did it to herself. It's sort of a natural consequence.

He can think of it like a toddler who ran down the hill and then fell and got hurt. You feel bad for the little kid, right? He's crying, and it hurt. And you feel sympathetic.
    But nobody needs to feel GUILTY, because, well, it's just something that sometimes happens when unstable walker run, and especially downhill.
    In this situation, Bessie was not really acting appropriately. Like a toddler on a hill, she perhaps wasn't really aware of the potential negative outcome. And maybe in certain situations it would have been fine. But this time, it wasn't.

And honestly, her feelings getting hurt is not worse than your DH feeling uncomfortable at his workout, uncomfortable at the meeting, etc. She can feel uncomfortable a little at at those places. And since your DH is a good guy and won't go out of his way to make her uncomfortable (and is a SMART guy and won't be approaching HER at the gym), it'll fade.

GlassHalfFull:

--- Quote from: weeblewobble on February 05, 2013, 08:56:27 AM ---
--- Quote from: JenJay on February 05, 2013, 08:53:13 AM ---He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

--- End quote ---

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

--- End quote ---

Nice job to you both.  Your DH's bolded comment made me laugh...I've heard that one before, too.  :)

Bijou:
Good for both of you!  Maybe this has given her something to think about regarding her behavior and what needs to change.  She may not know it but you and your husband did her a big favor.

Gyburc:

--- Quote from: weeblewobble on February 05, 2013, 08:56:27 AM ---
--- Quote from: JenJay on February 05, 2013, 08:53:13 AM ---He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

--- End quote ---

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

--- End quote ---

This made me giggle too, as did the 'cougar patrol' reference. Good job, Weeblewobble and Weeblewobble's DH!

Lauren:

--- Quote ---Yes, I was waiting to update until after the organization's meeting this weekend because I wanted to see if her behavior changed.  Last week, she approached DH at the gym and he told her that her comments about watching him need to stop because they make him uncomfortable. DH was careful not to mention me because he didn't want her to "blame" me for this and think he was OK with it. She said she didn't mean anything by it and she was just kidding.  DH said, "Then it should be easy for you to stop." and went on with his workout.  She has stopped saying hi to him at the gym.  DH feels a little bad that he may have hurt her feelings, but he's looking forward to going to our meeting without being harassed by the cougar patrol.
--- End quote ---

Your husband handled this WONDERFULLY. Especially love his 'then it should be easy for you to stop'

Please update after the next meeting!

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