Author Topic: Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6  (Read 18650 times)

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jedikaiti

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" (Long)
« Reply #75 on: February 04, 2013, 11:07:21 PM »
So, OP, any progress? Has DH spoken to Bessie about this?
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weeblewobble

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #76 on: February 05, 2013, 08:44:10 AM »
Yes, I was waiting to update until after the organization's meeting this weekend because I wanted to see if her behavior changed.  Last week, she approached DH at the gym and he told her that her comments about watching him need to stop because they make him uncomfortable. DH was careful not to mention me because he didn't want her to "blame" me for this and think he was OK with it. She said she didn't mean anything by it and she was just kidding.  DH said, "Then it should be easy for you to stop." and went on with his workout.  She has stopped saying hi to him at the gym.  DH feels a little bad that he may have hurt her feelings, but he's looking forward to going to our meeting without being harassed by the cougar patrol.

JenJay

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #77 on: February 05, 2013, 08:53:13 AM »
He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

weeblewobble

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #78 on: February 05, 2013, 08:56:27 AM »
He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

JenJay

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #79 on: February 05, 2013, 09:11:01 AM »
He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

LOL

Yep, DH and I have had similar conversations. It's like, I appreciate that you care about my feelings and part of your objection to the situation is out of consideration to me, but, if you bring me into it chances are all she'll hear is "I'd love for you to flirt with me but my insecure wife can't handle it."  ::)

He took one for the team, too, because maybe she'll stop and consider whether or not a married man will appreciate it the next time she's tempted to flirt with one. Most people enjoy being flattered but obviously it can cross a line, even if you're not being a creep about it.

TootsNYC

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #80 on: February 05, 2013, 09:44:19 AM »
Yes, I was waiting to update until after the organization's meeting this weekend because I wanted to see if her behavior changed.  Last week, she approached DH at the gym and he told her that her comments about watching him need to stop because they make him uncomfortable. DH was careful not to mention me because he didn't want her to "blame" me for this and think he was OK with it. She said she didn't mean anything by it and she was just kidding.  DH said, "Then it should be easy for you to stop." and went on with his workout.  She has stopped saying hi to him at the gym.  DH feels a little bad that he may have hurt her feelings, but he's looking forward to going to our meeting without being harassed by the cougar patrol.

Nice phrase there! And of course smart of him to leave you out of it, because that would dilute the power of what is really going on.

as for feeling bad about hurting her feelings, he should remember this: In many ways, she did it to herself. It's sort of a natural consequence.

He can think of it like a toddler who ran down the hill and then fell and got hurt. You feel bad for the little kid, right? He's crying, and it hurt. And you feel sympathetic.
    But nobody needs to feel GUILTY, because, well, it's just something that sometimes happens when unstable walker run, and especially downhill.
    In this situation, Bessie was not really acting appropriately. Like a toddler on a hill, she perhaps wasn't really aware of the potential negative outcome. And maybe in certain situations it would have been fine. But this time, it wasn't.

And honestly, her feelings getting hurt is not worse than your DH feeling uncomfortable at his workout, uncomfortable at the meeting, etc. She can feel uncomfortable a little at at those places. And since your DH is a good guy and won't go out of his way to make her uncomfortable (and is a SMART guy and won't be approaching HER at the gym), it'll fade.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2013, 09:49:13 AM by TootsNYC »

GlassHalfFull

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #81 on: February 05, 2013, 09:59:26 AM »
He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

Nice job to you both.  Your DH's bolded comment made me laugh...I've heard that one before, too.  :)

Bijou

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #82 on: February 05, 2013, 11:14:18 PM »
Good for both of you!  Maybe this has given her something to think about regarding her behavior and what needs to change.  She may not know it but you and your husband did her a big favor.
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Gyburc

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #83 on: February 06, 2013, 06:44:38 AM »
He handled that really well, and it was smart of him to leave you out of it so she didn't do the "Oh WW must be threatened by my flirting with her husband!" thing. I hope you're both able to enjoy the meeting!

Well, I coached him a bit about that part because his original idea was to say, "You're making my wife uncomfortable." I had to explain to him how the female mind worked and how "Weeblewobble is threatened" might come up.  I explained this would just amp up the drama and could stretch the situation out.  His response: "Women are scary and complicated."   :)

This made me giggle too, as did the 'cougar patrol' reference. Good job, Weeblewobble and Weeblewobble's DH!
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Lauren

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #84 on: February 06, 2013, 08:45:25 AM »
Quote
Yes, I was waiting to update until after the organization's meeting this weekend because I wanted to see if her behavior changed.  Last week, she approached DH at the gym and he told her that her comments about watching him need to stop because they make him uncomfortable. DH was careful not to mention me because he didn't want her to "blame" me for this and think he was OK with it. She said she didn't mean anything by it and she was just kidding.  DH said, "Then it should be easy for you to stop." and went on with his workout.  She has stopped saying hi to him at the gym.  DH feels a little bad that he may have hurt her feelings, but he's looking forward to going to our meeting without being harassed by the cougar patrol.

Your husband handled this WONDERFULLY. Especially love his 'then it should be easy for you to stop'

Please update after the next meeting!

dhk

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Her comments at the gym are dreadful because of the implications in her little quips.

If she had said something like, "I love to see him at the gym because he's in excellent shape.  He's worked very very hard for those results and seeing him helps me keep up my dedication to my workout routine.  I hope someday I can see results like that!'

It would be one thing, but the way she says she loooovveesss seing him there is eewwwwww!

Raintree

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #86 on: February 06, 2013, 10:46:54 PM »
I can't wait to find out what happens at the next meeting!

weeblewobble

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #87 on: February 09, 2013, 10:44:02 PM »
UPDATE: Well, the meeting was uneventful-ish. 

We went to the meeting and during the "mingling" portion of the proceedings, Bessie stayed far across the room and sent sulky looks in our direction.  We didn't respond, continuing blithely along like we were oblivious.  No one asked us what was going on with Bessie.  We enjoyed ourselves and were able to socialize un-cougared.  We're hoping this situation is going to "wind down" from here.

NyaChan

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #88 on: February 09, 2013, 10:55:21 PM »
Nice update  :D

Bijou

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Re: Do you say, "she behaves inappropriately towards my husband?" UPDATE pg6
« Reply #89 on: February 10, 2013, 12:01:25 AM »
UPDATE: Well, the meeting was uneventful-ish. 

We went to the meeting and during the "mingling" portion of the proceedings, Bessie stayed far across the room and sent sulky looks in our direction.  We didn't respond, continuing blithely along like we were oblivious.  No one asked us what was going on with Bessie.  We enjoyed ourselves and were able to socialize un-cougared.  We're hoping this situation is going to "wind down" from here.
Sounds like she learned a lesson.  It must be nice to know that you no longer have to dread being in the same room with her.  I doubt she will share the recent gym experience where your husband so neatly told her that she should stop what she was doing.  If I were her I would be so embarrassed about my behavior that I would never mention it to a soul.
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