Your Name

[SPuck]

I was watching Modern Family last week, and the situation over what the new son had me wondering; what do you do if someone insists on calling your by your first name even though it isn't the name you go by?

[Thipu1]

You gently and calmly correct them. 

'Yes, my first name is Hortense but Ann is the name I prefer'. 

Repeat as often as necessary.

[GreenHall]

Now that I've started letting people know when I meet them, rather than weeks/months later 'Oh by the way, I go by "blah", I haven't had too many people (other than parents) use the 'wrong' name.

I do have to remind myself at the Doctors office, to listen for 'Legal Name' because I just don't 'hear' it the same way I hear 'My Name'.  Joking about this at a recent visit, they asked what I go by, and made a note, I'll have to see if next time they call that.

...so I guess I really haven't had to deal with this, people I know are polite enough to use 'My Name', rather than insisting on one I don't go by.  I'd be irritated if someone insisted on the wrong name (after multiple times of being told I go by "my Name"), and probably respond in various passive aggressive (ignoring when they talk to wrong name) or mildly aggressive (call them an incorrect name, bonus if they don't like it) ways.  Not ehell approved, but I dont think I'd be able to let them 'win' by ignoring.

[Aryanna]

My name has caused issues all my life, haha. My first name is hyphenated (think like "Mary-Lou") but I go by the second name (ex.."Lou"). All my legal forms are under Mary-Lou, but I usually get called Mary by people who don't know me.  Often when I correct people I get little comments like "oh, weird... why not Mary?". It's not my doing, believe me. The Lou nick name stuck long before I had any say in the matter. Now I just listen for Mary-Lou or any variation of the names.

I was watching the same MF episode, and at the end I had to laugh and think oh that poor kid... haha.

[SPuck]

I was watching the same MF episode, and at the end I had to laugh and think oh that poor kid... haha.

That was what I was thinking about in particular, what if the person who insists on calling you the name is someone you generally respect, like a grandparent, or can't argue with directly, like your superior or teacher?

[Aryanna]

I was watching the same MF episode, and at the end I had to laugh and think oh that poor kid... haha.

That was what I was thinking about in particular, what if the person who insists on calling you the name is someone you generally respect, like a grandparent, or can't argue with directly, like your superior or teacher?

Oh it happens, often. I graduated from a smallish University a couple years ago. Even though we had very small class sizes, and I was sure to make my name clear to each professor at the beginning of each term, and signed my papers as "Lou" only one prof ever called me by that name. I put up with it, but it was frustrating. Especially when it continued to happen after I straightened out my name issues on the attendance and marking sheets. The damage had already been done, they knew me as my "proper" name.... Mary.


eta... Love to know what other people have done, and if anyone ever fixed their name with someone who insisted on calling them something else.

[kitchcat]

I would keep correcting them until it finally got through. The opposite actually happens to me. My last name is a more common female first name than my actual  name, so I frequently get mistakenly called by my last name. From my experience, if you don't address it right away, and persistently, that person is going to keep calling you by the wrong name.

[MrTango]

If someone tries calling me by a nickname that I don't go by, I'm usually tempted to ignore them until they start calling me by my correct name.

My name is John Tango*. I'm not, nor have I ever been known as JT, Johnnie, or Jonathan, so if you're calling one of those names, you must be talking to someone else, right?

*Not really, but it's a convenient example.

[Luci45]

Our son has a name that is commonly shortened and we used the short name for him, but then people would try to call him by the baby name, the one with the 'y' on the end.

By age 5, he had learned to politely say that he was called the shorter name. His kindergarden teacher said it wouldn't work, but she would try. We never had a problem since then. Thank you Ms. Teacher!

I've often wondered how a 5 year old could politely correct people and be respected when I hear of so many adults that seem hesitant about it - not just here, but in real life, too.

The parents in our neighborhood taught their children to call adults by their first names. (There have been several threads about that.) I hate that, but if it was the custom, I guess I couldn't really pass judgement, except that I worked at the school most of the children were attending. It was no problem for me to remind mothers that I would prefer the children call me 'Mrs.', but of course explained why so I wouldn't ruffle any feathers.

 If it matters to you, just do it courteously. It usually works.

[gellchom]

I had a friend who became an aide to a famous, elderly congressman.  (There is a funny coincidence to the topic here in that he had previously been a senator, and per protocol the correct thing to call him was "Senator" even though he was then a representative.)  Anyway, the aide's name is a Hebrew name with a close English equivalent -- think Avraham for Abraham.  He never, ever went by Abraham or Abe.  The Senator just couldn't get it right, despite what I am sure were only good intentions -- he just kept calling him Abraham or Abe.  Finally, one day when there was an appropriate moment, Avraham said to him, "Senator, the people closest to me in my life call me Avraham instead of Abraham.  I would be so honored if you would do that, too."  The Senator was charmed, and he never got it wrong again!

(A great example of getting the job done by asking for a favor, help, or a courtesy instead of pointing out why you are right and the other person is wrong.)

[BeagleMommy]

I only had this happen in elementary school when I had one teacher insist on calling by my given name instead of my nickname.  No matter how many times I asked her to "Please call me Nickname" she would use my given name.  As an 8-year-old I didn't think I would have any way to stop this habit.

[mmswm]

I only had this happen in elementary school when I had one teacher insist on calling by my given name instead of my nickname.  No matter how many times I asked her to "Please call me Nickname" she would use my given name.  As an 8-year-old I didn't think I would have any way to stop this habit.

I've intervened for one of my children on the opposite.  Lets say his name is Thomas.  The teacher insisted on calling him Tom.  He hates any nickname of his full name.  He would come home from school quite upset about being called Tom all day.  The kids were starting to call him Tom as well.  He was very frustrated. I called the teacher and she gave me this "oh, but it's just a nickname, he shouldn't be so sensitive" line.  I was livid.  I explained to her that he wasn't being sensitive, she was being extraordinarily disrespectful.  She then said that it was impossible to be disrespectful to a child.  I took my complaint to the Principal, who moved him to a different classroom.  Oddly, my complaint wasn't the only one, and this teacher found herself being pink-slipped at the end of that year.

Anyway, the point is, as a child, there might not be much you can do, but I feel like this is when the child's parents need to step in.

As an adult, I think I would do the "lather, rinse, repeat" in politely correcting people.  I have a friend who simply won't respond to people after they've been told of his preference two or three times.  I don't know if that's retaliatory rudeness, but it is effective.

[floridamom]

I go thru a similiar problem but it depends on who I correct.

My first name is Suzanne.  I went by Sue in high school and college and by extended family members.  A few people wanted to call me Suzie.. mostly my mom's friends.  I didn't correct them out of respect.  I just tolerated it Later in my single years I went by my given name.  I didn't mind being called Sue or Suz.  What I hate the most and would correct is being called Susan! At times I was called Susan at job interviews and at Dr. appts.  I still correct when being called Susan at different Dr. appts. 

[etiquetteE]

Oh it happens, often. I graduated from a smallish University a couple years ago. Even though we had very small class sizes, and I was sure to make my name clear to each professor at the beginning of each term, and signed my papers as "Lou" only one prof ever called me by that name. I put up with it, but it was frustrating. Especially when it continued to happen after I straightened out my name issues on the attendance and marking sheets. The damage had already been done, they knew me as my "proper" name.... Mary.


eta... Love to know what other people have done, and if anyone ever fixed their name with someone who insisted on calling them something else.

I had a professor in high school who insisted on calling me a nick name instead of my full name.  Even though I had asked him to stop, he continued to do it...until, he called on me and I ignored him until he used my correct name.  He never did it again.   Rude probably, but the beginning of my steal-y spine. Now when it happens, I just gently correct people and say "I prefer full name".

Edited to fix quotes

[oogyda]

A woman I am loosely related to once decided to start calling me by my "given" name instead of the nickname version.  She insisted that it was disrecpectful to my parents to use anything other than the name they gave me.  I guess she didn't realize I knew that she went by her middle name and that I knew what her "given" name was. 

She is known as Joann and I answered. "Maybe you're right about that, Hagatha."  She quit doing it.