Your Name

[Arrynne]

That's why I swapped my son's first and middle names when we adopted him.  His first name from birth is really awesome...but also a candidate for the baby names thread.  For sake of argument, let's say his name was Myth David.  We called him by his middle name, but his first name was part of his identity by the time we were able to finalize the adoption.  We chose to legally swap the first and middle names so we wouldn't get an obnoxious teacher or official insisting on calling him Myth, when we call him David.  He may choose to go by Myth one day, but I want that to be -his- choice instead of saddling him with an "interesting" name. 

[Arrynne]

I had a friend who became an aide to a famous, elderly congressman.  (There is a funny coincidence to the topic here in that he had previously been a senator, and per protocol the correct thing to call him was "Senator" even though he was then a representative.)  Anyway, the aide's name is a Hebrew name with a close English equivalent -- think Avraham for Abraham.  He never, ever went by Abraham or Abe.  The Senator just couldn't get it right, despite what I am sure were only good intentions -- he just kept calling him Abraham or Abe.  Finally, one day when there was an appropriate moment, Avraham said to him, "Senator, the people closest to me in my life call me Avraham instead of Abraham.  I would be so honored if you would do that, too."  The Senator was charmed, and he never got it wrong again!

(A great example of getting the job done by asking for a favor, help, or a courtesy instead of pointing out why you are right and the other person is wrong.)

That's an awesome story. 

[Arrynne]

I only had this happen in elementary school when I had one teacher insist on calling by my given name instead of my nickname.  No matter how many times I asked her to "Please call me Nickname" she would use my given name.  As an 8-year-old I didn't think I would have any way to stop this habit.

I've intervened for one of my children on the opposite.  Lets say his name is Thomas.  The teacher insisted on calling him Tom.  He hates any nickname of his full name.  He would come home from school quite upset about being called Tom all day.  The kids were starting to call him Tom as well.  He was very frustrated. I called the teacher and she gave me this "oh, but it's just a nickname, he shouldn't be so sensitive" line.  I was livid.  I explained to her that he wasn't being sensitive, she was being extraordinarily disrespectful.  She then said that it was impossible to be disrespectful to a child.  I took my complaint to the Principal, who moved him to a different classroom.  Oddly, my complaint wasn't the only one, and this teacher found herself being pink-slipped at the end of that year.

Anyway, the point is, as a child, there might not be much you can do, but I feel like this is when the child's parents need to step in.

As an adult, I think I would do the "lather, rinse, repeat" in politely correcting people.  I have a friend who simply won't respond to people after they've been told of his preference two or three times.  I don't know if that's retaliatory rudeness, but it is effective.

I'm the same way about my son's name.   He's David.  Not "Dave", not "Davey", but "David".   I don't have any dislike of the nicknames, but I seem to have a mental block when it comes to associating them to my little boy. 

As a side note, my son also has an uncle with the same first name.  My poor child is going to be forever known as "Baby David".  He's currently 2, so this is OK, but I'm sure he'll hate it once he becomes a teenager.  How do you get people to quit calling you by a childhood nickname?

[mmswm]

I only had this happen in elementary school when I had one teacher insist on calling by my given name instead of my nickname.  No matter how many times I asked her to "Please call me Nickname" she would use my given name.  As an 8-year-old I didn't think I would have any way to stop this habit.

I've intervened for one of my children on the opposite.  Lets say his name is Thomas.  The teacher insisted on calling him Tom.  He hates any nickname of his full name.  He would come home from school quite upset about being called Tom all day.  The kids were starting to call him Tom as well.  He was very frustrated. I called the teacher and she gave me this "oh, but it's just a nickname, he shouldn't be so sensitive" line.  I was livid.  I explained to her that he wasn't being sensitive, she was being extraordinarily disrespectful.  She then said that it was impossible to be disrespectful to a child.  I took my complaint to the Principal, who moved him to a different classroom.  Oddly, my complaint wasn't the only one, and this teacher found herself being pink-slipped at the end of that year.

Anyway, the point is, as a child, there might not be much you can do, but I feel like this is when the child's parents need to step in.

As an adult, I think I would do the "lather, rinse, repeat" in politely correcting people.  I have a friend who simply won't respond to people after they've been told of his preference two or three times.  I don't know if that's retaliatory rudeness, but it is effective.

I'm the same way about my son's name.   He's David.  Not "Dave", not "Davey", but "David".   I don't have any dislike of the nicknames, but I seem to have a mental block when it comes to associating them to my little boy. 

As a side note, my son also has an uncle with the same first name.  My poor child is going to be forever known as "Baby David".  He's currently 2, so this is OK, but I'm sure he'll hate it once he becomes a teenager.  How do you get people to quit calling you by a childhood nickname?

I think one of the reasons my son is so sensitive about his name is because I've been so insistent on calling him by his full name.  He shares his name with my father.  My father goes by "Tom", so to keep him from being called "baby Tom" or "little Tom", I've always been careful to call him "Thomas". (Of course, Thomas is a stand in for the actual name involved, but we'll stick with the theme here).  My cousin's daughter shares a name with me, and I'm not sure who hates the Big mmswm/Little mmswm monikers more, me or her.  I wanted to avoid that with my son and father.  That and I got pressured into switching the order of his name.  I wanted "Robert Thomas", but I got pressured into "Thomas Robert".  I suppose names are a sensitive subject to me.

[Mental Magpie]

I was watching the same MF episode, and at the end I had to laugh and think oh that poor kid... haha.

That was what I was thinking about in particular, what if the person who insists on calling you the name is someone you generally respect, like a grandparent, or can't argue with directly, like your superior or teacher?

A grandparent I may give a pass simply because the grandparent has probably been doing it for years and it may be very, very difficult to break.  However, a superior and a teacher need to be addressed directly and politely.  You respecting them has absolutely nothing to do with it.  Calling someone by a name by which they do not prefer to go is rude and disrespectful; it is neither of those to correct someone doing the aforementioned.

[SPuck]

As a side note, my son also has an uncle with the same first name.  My poor child is going to be forever known as "Baby David".  He's currently 2, so this is OK, but I'm sure he'll hate it once he becomes a teenager.  How do you get people to quit calling you by a childhood nickname?

Why does he have to be Baby David, can't he just go by David Surname, or even David first letter of surname in family situations?

[citadelle]

My name is Michelle, I go by Shelley, and am Shel to close friends and family. I really don't let it bother me when any of the three is used. They are all versions of my name and I really would not be "livid" if the wrong person used Shel or Michelle.

Just another perspective.

[Mental Magpie]

My name is Michelle, I go by Shelley, and am Shel to close friends and family. I really don't let it bother me when any of the three is used. They are all versions of my name and I really would not be "livid" if the wrong person used Shel or Michelle.

Just another perspective.

Which are your preferences that people are following.  That's the point: follow whatever the person prefers.

[mmswm]

My name is Michelle, I go by Shelley, and am Shel to close friends and family. I really don't let it bother me when any of the three is used. They are all versions of my name and I really would not be "livid" if the wrong person used Shel or Michelle.

Just another perspective.

To clarify, I wasn't livid at the misuse of the name, I was livid at the teacher's flippant attitude and complete disregard for my child's feelings.

[citadelle]

Which are your preferences that people are following.  That's the point: follow whatever the person prefers.

Not exactly. My preference is Shelley. That is what I "go by".

[Mental Magpie]

Which are your preferences that people are following.  That's the point: follow whatever the person prefers.

Not exactly. My preference is Shelley. That is what I "go by".

You don't prefer it so much above the others that you correct people, do you? 

[Lady Snowdon]

I go by a nickname of my middle name, and only use my first name for legal/medical stuff.  Someone at work (I wish I knew who it was!) got it into their head that I prefer my first name, and gives that out to all my customers.  So they call me asking for "Alicia", when in reality I go by "Jenny".  I usually say "Yes, my name is Alicia, but I go by Jenny." and repeat as often as necessary.  If someone persists in calling me Alicia, I remind them, "Actually I prefer Jenny". 

I think it's very disrespectful of people to not pay attention to your preferences for your name.  Even if it's someone that you would normally defer to (pastor, teacher, grandparents), you still be able to have them call you by the name you prefer.  That's a very basic part of your identity that people are being flippant about!

[citadelle]

You don't prefer it so much above the others that you correct people, do you?

Actually, yes, I do if it is someone I will see again, as opposed to a pharmacist or something. But if a colleague, etc., shortens it, I really don't mind. Or if the doctor persists in using Michelle.

Clearly, it bothers others and that is their prerogative. Just offering another view.

[Mental Magpie]

You don't prefer it so much above the others that you correct people, do you?

Actually, yes, I do if it is someone I will see again, as opposed to a pharmacist or something. But if a colleague, etc., shortens it, I really don't mind. Or if the doctor persists in using Michelle.

Clearly, it bothers others and that is their prerogative. Just offering another view.

I understand you're just offering another view.  I'm just arguing that your view is different because your preference isn't nearly as strong and that is why you allow others to call you things other than what you usually prefer.

[BatCity]

How do you get people to quit calling you by a childhood nickname?

I did this when I was nine. I just told everyone I didn't want to be called that name anymore, and just stopped answering to it.

Hmmmm...now that I think about it, that was kind of obnoxious of me, wasn't it?  At any rate, it worked.