Your Name

[baglady]

A group I belong to has longtime members named Bob and Frank. About two years ago another Bob and another Frank joined the group. We took to referring to Bob and Frank 1.0 and Bob and Frank 2.0.

That same group also has a longtime member who is occasionally referred to as Little Joan. This is because there used to be another Joan and they were Big Joan and Little Joan. Big Joan passed away years ago, but a handful of people still say Little Joan. I never knew Big Joan; I just assumed Little Joan was called that because she's 4-foot-9.

I like a PP's suggestion to phrase the "please call me ___" as "My closest friends call me __" or "All the cool people call me ____." With little kids, though, I think it has to come from the parents: "His legal name is Michael Timothy but we call him Tim." I love the idea of a school registration form with a space for "name child prefers."

[MOM21SON]

I have a real name and a nick name.  I grew up with nickname.  For many years as an adult, I introduced myself by real name.  One "friend" group calls me by real name, other "friend" group calls me by nick name.  I am not offended if one learns about other names and really they can call me what they choose.  Most want to call me by by my nickname. 

[Mental Magpie]

I may have mentioned this before, but I can't remember.  Also, if anyone knows me in real life, this will probably give away me (if my dogs haven't done so already).  When I first met the Eagle (DF) when I was 12, he was introduced to me as Eagle.  I called him that all the way up until I started to date him (when I was 21); I felt like it was about time I started to call him by his first name (which he didn't mind).  Let's say it was John.  When I finally moved in with him, ending the long distance part of our relationship, I discovered that all of his military friends called him by a shortened form of his last name.  Let's say it was Smitty.  As I got to know his brother and SIL better, I realized they called him his first and second initials.  Let's say it was J.C.  I sometimes got so frustrated trying to make sure I called him by what the people I was around knew him that I eventually just started to call him Boyfriend.  It didn't matter if I was with our old friends (Eagle), his military friends (Smitty), his family (J.C.), or my new friends in my new town (John), everyone knew who was my boyfriend!

FTR, the Eagle doesn't really care.  Nowadays, I call him whatever I feel like at the moment, even sometimes Jerkface. 

[blueyzca01]

My first name is Lisa, and of course, to really good friends, I go by "Lis" (lease).  **My family calls me something completely difference and a little too identifiable for a message board. **

My mom overheard a friend call me Lis, scrunched up her face and said, “Wow, I really don’t like that!  The name is Lisa.”

I replied with a smile and said, “Well, good thing it’s not YOUR name.  I like it.”

[Piratelvr1121]

My best friend and I have nicknames for each other.  Hers is a nickname of her middle name but mine has nothing to do with my name at all.  Basically they are the names of our OC's in the POTC fanfictions we've each written.   When we write emails to each other we sign off using our nicknames, and my kids call her Auntie Nickname.   

DH calls her by her first name  though and when talking about her to others or talking to her around others I use her first name and she uses mine. 

The boys though are starting to catch on and call her Auntie Firstname around others and Auntie Nickname when it's just family.

[misha412]

This situation reminds me of when a great-uncle of mine was in assisted living. Let's say his name was John Frank Robert Smith. He always went by Rob...never Robert or John or Frank. His family called him Rob from birth.

When he went into assisted living, the nursing staff insisted on calling him John. His first legal name was John and they would never call him Rob. They would not call him Mr. Smith. As his mental faculties began to slip, the name problem became acute because he flat out did not answer to the name John. When family members visited and called him by Rob he had no real issues responding. The nursing staff could not understand it.

If someone uses one name, it is polite and even imperative that you use that name. It is part of a person's identity.

[baglady]

Bagman's name is William. He goes by Bill, but I call him Billy, which was his childhood nickname. I picked it up from a childhood friend of his whom I heard call him that. Some of our friends have started calling him Billy on occasion after hearing me use it. He is OK with it and also answers to a nickname derived from his last name (think "Mac" for "MacDonald") that he was known by in high school/early adulthood.

It would feel strange to me to call him Bill or Mac, to his face anyway, and it would probably feel equally strange to him to hear me use those names. I do use them when talking to other people *about* him, if that's the way the other person knows him.

[Gyburc]

My MIL used to shorten my name in a way that I didn't really like, so I mentioned it very quietly to DH, who mentioned it very quietly to her. She stopped without a fuss, being basically a nice person. 

On the other hand, my great-aunt it seems had a real fight about her name. She and my grandmother were two of six girls, all vying for dominance as they grew up. (My grandmother was the youngest, so she usually lost.) My great-aunt was called Elizabeth, and all her life was referred to by her sisters as 'Betty'.

Only after the last of her sisters (coincidentally the oldest and by far the bossiest) had passed away, did she reveal to the whole family that she loathed the name 'Betty', and everyone had to get used to calling her 'Auntie Liz' instead.

I sometimes wonder how we survive our families...   

[Seraphia]

It can be tough to break the habit of calling people by one name, then switching later. I went to school with a Tommy from elementary on up. Didn't have much occasion to hang out with him, but always thought of him as Tommy. Freshman year of college, I came home for a break and brought one of my friends. Introduced her to Tommy when we ran into him around town, and cue major embarrassment from me when he gave me an awkward look, and said: "Actually, it's just Tom." Apparently he'd decided not to go by the diminutive at some point, and I'd missed the memo. Whoops. I still have to mentally adjust the name when I run into him now.

On the other hand, it was quite a shock to meet my college roommate's parents and realize that they called her a completely different name from what I did. Picture me asking: "Where did Elizabeth go?" and being answered with: "Bethy's in the kitchen." I'm standing there thinking, "Bethy? Who's Bethy?"

[Tea Drinker]

This situation reminds me of when a great-uncle of mine was in assisted living. Let's say his name was John Frank Robert Smith. He always went by Rob...never Robert or John or Frank. His family called him Rob from birth.

When he went into assisted living, the nursing staff insisted on calling him John. His first legal name was John and they would never call him Rob. They would not call him Mr. Smith. As his mental faculties began to slip, the name problem became acute because he flat out did not answer to the name John. When family members visited and called him by Rob he had no real issues responding. The nursing staff could not understand it.

If someone uses one name, it is polite and even imperative that you use that name. It is part of a person's identity.

Yes. A relative of mine uses a nickname (let's say "Immanuel") that has no particular connection to his legal name. When he had a stroke and was hospitalized, one of the things that a friend did for him was make a large sign for the wall that included "My name is Immanuel" both because he might not answer to his real name, and because the doctors and nursing staff needed to know that if we asked about "Immanuel," we meant the guy in bed 4-B.