Having a get-together for a woman who just had triplets

[rachellenore]

She is a former coworker, and myself and three coworkers want to go and visit her to see how she's doing. I'm not really sure..what to do  I'm bad at this socializing thing but she said she wanted us to visit so I really want to do this right. Should we bring food, baby supplies? We weren't really friends, she went on maternity leave after I only knew her for a few months, we just spoke a few times mostly about work, I'd love it if you all could bring up some topics..or topics to avoid.

Thank you to anyone who answers, sorry this is such a vague string of questions.

[Outdoor Girl]

No experience with friends having triplets but I have visited friends shortly after they got home with the baby.

A group of us made plans with them a few days ahead; we called them about an hour before we were supposed to be there to make sure they were having a decent day and it wouldn't be disruptive.  Then we all went with the expectation that we would only stay a few minutes, coo over the baby and leave them in peace.

It didn't work out that way.  Mom was feeling great; we all held the baby in turns for quite a while and Mom fetched us all something to drink!  So almost two hours later, we were on our way.

Don't worry about bringing up things to talk about; at that stage, cooing over the babies will likely cover it.  Be prepared for some TMI from Mom, though.

If you are going at a meal time, some takeout food for you all to share would be nice.  If you are inclined to bring a gift for the babies, great, but it isn't strictly necessary.  Some books or some onesies in a size larger than they are currently wearing would be fine.

[amylouky]

I think the rule for visiting new moms is, 1- Bring food, 2- Do a chore, and 3- Don't stay more than an hour.

I'm not sure if that would be tripled in this case, though.

I'd maybe call ahead and see if you can bring her anything.. she likely already has casseroles through the roof but something fresh and yummy might be appreciated.

As for topics, I'd let her lead.. likely she'll want to catch up on what's going on at work, and coo over the babies.  Definitely don't bring up sad baby stories or give unsolicited advice about how you/your mom/your sister handled some aspect of parenting differently.

Have fun!

[siamesecat2965]

I second the bringing food. depending on what time of day you go, maybe pick up lunch and bring it. I know I did that with a CW who had a baby; and myself and a second CW went one day at lunch to see them. We stopped in the caf, picked up sandwiches, and had a nice time.

[MrsJWine]

You can almost never go wrong with food. But every person is different. I craved company so much when I had a new baby that I didn't really care what we did. I did like it when people offered to hold the baby. Some people are the opposite; they want to hold their own baby and just visit. But food? Food is almost universal. Bonus points if it's freezable.

[Deetee]

I would go with make it as simple as possible.
Like, try to avoid her needing to go to the kitchen for anything.

So don't just bring a cake for example (requires cutting and plates and forks)

Bring muffins and napkins and set up everything and clean up everything and bring drinks etc...

I would treat it as a picnic at her house. (Unless you know she WANTS to host or she has family with her) But with triplets, I would be impressed if she was providing glasses and tap water.

(I would suggest for food gifts or just to nibble on, some healthy portable snacks: cheese sticks, sliced fruit, sliced veggies, nuts. It can be hard to sit down for a meal with plates and cutlery, but it's also nice to eat some halthy "real" food)

[CakeBeret]

Agree with the PPs regarding food. If you want to bring a gift, diapers and onesies/sleepers are almost always appreciated by new parents. Don't plan on staying more than an hour unless the new mom asks you to stay longer.

[MrsJWine]

Agree with the PPs regarding food. If you want to bring a gift, diapers and onesies/sleepers are almost always appreciated by new parents. Don't plan on staying more than an hour unless the new mom asks you to stay longer.

And if you are having a good time, and she seems like she's having a good time, don't necessarily think that you have to leave after a short visit. With triplets, it's likely she'll be worn out, but still, I've never *needed* to be around people the way I did after I had my babies.

[jpcher]

She is a former coworker, and myself and three coworkers want to go and visit her to see how she's doing. I'm not really sure..what to do  I'm bad at this socializing thing but she said she wanted us to visit so I really want to do this right. Should we bring food, baby supplies? We weren't really friends, she went on maternity leave after I only knew her for a few months, we just spoke a few times mostly about work, I'd love it if you all could bring up some topics..or topics to avoid.

Thank you to anyone who answers, sorry this is such a vague string of questions.

How well acquainted to NewMom are the other 3 coworkers?

I agree with bringing food. Suggest to one of the 3 that they ask NewMom what she would like . . . maybe something from her favorite restaurant. THEN, even if you get short-sided on the meal and don't get to eat, make sure that the 4 of you take care of the babies so that NewMom gets to eat in peace.

Or instead of bringing a meal, maybe ask the NewMom if there are any groceries that she needs and do some shopping for her.

If you see a basket of laundry, ask if you could fold the clothes for her. If there are dishes in the kitchen, by all means ask if you could wash them. Ask if there are other small chores that she would like help with . . . vacuum the nursery, change the babies bedding, small stuff like that.

Bringing a small gift (diapers!) is a nice thought. It doesn't have to be personalized.

As far as conversation, since you'll be there with 3 others, let them take the lead.

[MommyPenguin]

Given that she may already have a lot of casseroles and the like from other people, you might consider bringing something like fresh fruit.  It can be expensive, but if you can swing it, they might enjoy some fresh food.  Or milk.  The sort of thing that you need to go to the grocery store for when your baby is 4 days old, even though people have been bringing you food (yes, I speak from experience). 

If you want to bring a gift for the babies, a book (or books, but I don't think it's necessary to have exactly 3 just because they're triplets--they'll share books) would probably be welcomed.  Clothes are nice, especially in larger sizes, but moms tend to get a lot of clothes and toys, and sometimes a book is a nice change.  I love the "That's Not My" books by Usborne ("That's Not My Truck," "That's Not My Teddy," etc.).  And they're a little different from the "Good Night, Moon" kind of books that they might already be getting duplicates of.

[rachellenore]

Thanks for the advice so far, guys, it's all really helpful! We're in Texas, I'll probably buy some sweet tea and some kind of muffin or some fruit platter, depending on what I find at the store that looks good.

[MummySweet]

My best friend has triplets.  They are almost 11 now (time flies)!   Easy food is great.  I remember my friend really appreciated gifts of diapers, good quality wipes, and people who would hold the babies while she went to take a shower.

One thing that was really important to her then, and now, is that people remember that her children are individuals and treat them as such.  Watch for indicators from your friend.  She may be sensitive if she feels that people are treating her children as a curiosity, or as a single unit (The Triplets), rather than as individual babies.  I would discourage any 'matching' gifts unless you know that your friend likes matchy-matchy for the kids. 

[bopper]

When people visited me I would say "Bring lunch!". 

[Sheila Take a Bow]

If you see a basket of laundry, ask if you could fold the clothes for her. If there are dishes in the kitchen, by all means ask if you could wash them. Ask if there are other small chores that she would like help with . . . vacuum the nursery, change the babies bedding, small stuff like that.

If you go this route, just be careful.  After I had my daughter, I was really sensitive (can I blame the hormones?) and asking too many questions like this would have left me crying and asking if you thought I was a terrible mother who couldn't even manage household chores.  So if you start to feel resistance to offers of help, don't keep offering.  (Or maybe I was just insane.  That's always a possibility.  )

[CakeEater]

If you see a basket of laundry, ask if you could fold the clothes for her. If there are dishes in the kitchen, by all means ask if you could wash them. Ask if there are other small chores that she would like help with . . . vacuum the nursery, change the babies bedding, small stuff like that.

If you go this route, just be careful.  After I had my daughter, I was really sensitive (can I blame the hormones?) and asking too many questions like this would have left me crying and asking if you thought I was a terrible mother who couldn't even manage household chores.  So if you start to feel resistance to offers of help, don't keep offering.  (Or maybe I was just insane.  That's always a possibility.  )

Oh gosh yes.  I don't think becasue your host(ess) has a new baby that you shoud start offering to do particular household chores you see undone. Regardless of how tired and awful I felt after baby1, (and I felt really tired and awful), I would not have wanted a work colleague who visited to be folding my underwear, or washing the breakfast dishes.

I think bringing the meal is a great idea, and asking if there's anything you could help with is fine - diving in and pulling sheets off the baby's bed, or asking if you could wash the dishes in the sink wouldn't be welcome by any but the closest friends.