Having a get-together for a woman who just had triplets

[MrsJWine]

I offer specifically, but only about things I'm not directly looking at. If someone says, "Is there anything I can do?" it can be harder to accept because it kind of sounds like a formality, not a real offer. So if I come over, and we've only been in the living room, I'll say something like, "Can I help you at all? You want a room vacuumed? Some dishes washed?" I don't think I'd look directly at a basket of laundry and ask to fold it unless I was at a good friend's house.

[Oh Joy]

I offer specifically, but only about things I'm not directly looking at. If someone says, "Is there anything I can do?" it can be harder to accept because it kind of sounds like a formality, not a real offer. So if I come over, and we've only been in the living room, I'll say something like, "Can I help you at all? You want a room vacuumed? Some dishes washed?" I don't think I'd look directly at a basket of laundry and ask to fold it unless I was at a good friend's house.

Yup.

And my favorite guests (perhaps your group isn't close enough to her for this or it's not 'that kind' of a visit) would offer to excuse me from hosting while they played with the kid/s so I could take care of some odds and edds.  You know, the stuff you can't explain to someone else how you want it done, like clearing out the fridge or putting away laundry.

[jpcher]

If you see a basket of laundry, ask if you could fold the clothes for her. If there are dishes in the kitchen, by all means ask if you could wash them. Ask if there are other small chores that she would like help with . . . vacuum the nursery, change the babies bedding, small stuff like that.

If you go this route, just be careful.  After I had my daughter, I was really sensitive (can I blame the hormones?) and asking too many questions like this would have left me crying and asking if you thought I was a terrible mother who couldn't even manage household chores.  So if you start to feel resistance to offers of help, don't keep offering.  (Or maybe I was just insane.  That's always a possibility.  )

Oh gosh yes.  I don't think becasue your host(ess) has a new baby that you shoud start offering to do particular household chores you see undone. Regardless of how tired and awful I felt after baby1, (and I felt really tired and awful), I would not have wanted a work colleague who visited to be folding my underwear, or washing the breakfast dishes.

I think bringing the meal is a great idea, and asking if there's anything you could help with is fine - diving in and pulling sheets off the baby's bed, or asking if you could wash the dishes in the sink wouldn't be welcome by any but the closest friends.

CakeEater, you and Sheila Take a Bow make an excellent point.

It's the way you offer your thoughtful assistance is that is important.

MrsJWine put it in a much more etiquettly correct POV than what I previously posted.

[bopper]

I think to me the basic thing is "Don't make more work for the Mom." 
So bring lunch with you and clean up as best as you can (throw out garbage, put dishes at the least in the sink or even dishwasher.)